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Original poster

Kids and hubby - nothing seems to work

2 replies

MonaRosa · 17/03/2023 19:59

I am feeling completely shattered, hopeless, and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My husband has serious mental problems and is an alcoholic. The environment in the house is always so tense and negative.

I suspect my younger child has special needs (perhaps on the autistic spectrum, ADHD or both). I have been waiting for an appointment/ assessment for 9 months. Looking after him is so demanding and I don’t seem able to make much progress with his behaviour. Going to school, eating, sleeping, playing - everything becomes a drama. I find myself raising my voice, which then saddens me deeply. I feel like I am failing as a mum.

I work full time and am also studying at uni. I just don’t know how I can continue likes this.

This is not a happy or healthy life.

I don’t have a specific question per se, but I guess I am looking for some support…

OP posts:
Sprogonthetyne · 17/03/2023 20:32

I think anyone would be overwhelmed with even half the stuff you have going in. Your doing amazingly well just to keep your head above the water.

I found the pre-diagnosis stage was actually the hardest with my DS (he's autistic). Once you know what's going on and stop second guessing yourself it gets easier to push through. Is there anything school can do in the meantime? Help is (in theory at least) based on need not diagnosis, so you don't have to wait on assessments before pushing for support.

I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for the husband troubles, other to say what you currently have is unsustainable and not fair on you or the DC. Is he engaged with mental health services? Has he accepted that he is unwell? And is he willing to work at getting better and breaking his addiction? If the answer to all of the above is yes, then I would try to hold on and do what I could to suport, but if it's no then you might need to look at putting yourself and DC's wellbeing first.

Whatever you decide, I hope thing's improves for you. Flowers

PritiPatelsMaker · 18/03/2023 09:55

Sprogonthetyne · 17/03/2023 20:32

I think anyone would be overwhelmed with even half the stuff you have going in. Your doing amazingly well just to keep your head above the water.

I found the pre-diagnosis stage was actually the hardest with my DS (he's autistic). Once you know what's going on and stop second guessing yourself it gets easier to push through. Is there anything school can do in the meantime? Help is (in theory at least) based on need not diagnosis, so you don't have to wait on assessments before pushing for support.

I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for the husband troubles, other to say what you currently have is unsustainable and not fair on you or the DC. Is he engaged with mental health services? Has he accepted that he is unwell? And is he willing to work at getting better and breaking his addiction? If the answer to all of the above is yes, then I would try to hold on and do what I could to suport, but if it's no then you might need to look at putting yourself and DC's wellbeing first.

Whatever you decide, I hope thing's improves for you. Flowers

I think all of this is very good advice.

A lot of how you move forward depends on what help your DH is seeking and how willing he is to recover.

As for your DS, could you treat him as though he has ADHD & ASD whilst you wait for diagnosis? So things like a high protein breakfast and exercise will both help regulate him.

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