Why does my 2 yo keep attacking other kids?

[Whatsthatbutterfly]

I’m really fed up of it, as it’s so isolating. I can’t participate in any sort of social activities and it’s just so upsetting. I say no, gentle hands, move him away, but he just fights me to get to the kid he wants to attack.

I don’t know if anyone has any advice at all, other than just avoiding other children?

You need to be a lot firmer and disapproving of bad behaviour and agression. Take him home immediately it starts. This nicey nicey approach is a waste of time IMHO.

I do, but it isn’t making any difference, just so isolating

2 almost 3, or just turned 2? I ask because if he's heading toward 3 it could be a language vs frustration thing going on.
I agree firm voice, firm boundaries something like 'oh, Olly gentle, gentle remember what we said last time? play nicely' vs 'Oliver, NO, you don't hit, we're going, Now' said in a very firm voice, and you go, no ifs, no buts, no compromises, he'll rage, he'll tantrum, but you remain firm and calm, you'll need to do it several times, but each time it will get just a bit easier.
Always follow through with a threat, kids a canny wee things, they learn very quickly how much 'no' means 'no' (or it some cases if you don't follow through, no becomes a meaningless word), It's hard work, but firm boundaries now, will save so much hassle in the future. And it really, really, really is hard work, I can't emphasise it enough, how many times you'll be jumping up and removing him and yourself from preschool groups or parties, but consistency and boundaries are essential at this age.

He was 2 start of January so about two and a quarter. I just honestly find myself so upset and frustrated with it. No one’s going to like him or want to be friends with him, or me. And everybody assumes it’s a parenting thing but while I can’t claim to be perfect I certainly don’t go round shoving and hitting! I’ve sometimes even wondered if he’s just not very nice. Which is awful and I never used to believe people were just born horrible but he just goes for kids with no provocation at all, it’s so hard to understand.

He is only two but if you act in a firm way then people understand you are doing your best. Its the mums who stand saying in a sweet litlle voce be gentle while their child is beating up another child that drive people mad. He will probably grow out of it. I agree with no we don't hit and picked up and taken home. He's only two so please don't get it into your head people won't like him. Does he go to nursery.?

He does three days per week in nursery, it’s touch and go. He used to be awful, but things seemed to settle then, and now we do have the odd incident but it is the odd incident. More biting though I’ve never seen him bite with me but he pushes and hits. Sometimes there’s a reason, like he wants to play with a toy and obviously he shouldn’t be pushing but I get there’s a reason, but sometimes he just goes for another child for no apparent reason at all. He’s also unkind to our cat.

I know in theory other parents should understand as long as I’m intervening but I do feel like they will just get sick of it especially if we’re often having to leave anyway.

Oh he's only just two, he's just a wee boy. He's not 'just not very nice' op, he really isn't. Keep firm, keep boundaries, keep to regular meal and nap times. My guess is he's getting tired, and then because he's only recently two, what he wants to do and what he actually can do is mismatched, combined with limited language skills (because he's two, and it's totally normal) he gets frustrated and then WHAM! He thumps, bites or kicks, because how else do you get what you want when the world is so complicated and everyone uses words, which are also complicated.
They are called the terrible twos for a reason. I promise you he won't be the most hardcore at nursery! Dd was an absolute bellend at that age, she's now the loveliest teen going...but when she was two-three yuk the tantrums, the stropping the bloody big bite she took out of my arm...nope I'd never go back to that age; hideous, just hideous! It does get easier though.

Thanks so much, @anunlikelyseahorse . Deep down I know that, and he can be so lovely too. I just get so upset when he shows aggression. It feels so awful and so alien, especially when there doesn’t seem to be any provocation or reason. I just worry so about him being that child, about him (and to be honest me) being the child/family that is muttered about.

2 year olds are the most anti-social people in society.

Its sounds like your doing fine - you're recognising it straight away. Keep doing it every time he is engaging in such behaviour with tough boundaries and consequences.

Usually left un-checked - i think these kids become 'feral' and by the age of 6-7 there is no turning them around.

Stick with it and I'm sure he will understand pretty quick that the consequences are not worth it - but the rewards are.

You’re right I think, I should remember that although friends aren’t having the same problems they are having different ones.

Its places like soft play or playgroups we run into problems. He does know what I mean if I say we’ll go home, so once he wouldn’t stop tantrumming over a car and I told him we’d have to go if he didn’t stop. And he stopped which was good. But sometimes I just have to tell him and it’s like he’s so caught in the moment he doesn’t listen.

He can be lovely too. But I do want to talk to adults, sometimes!

Is he tired? If so, any way of trying to curb that? Our 2yo turns into the devil when he's not napped.

Is his speech delayed? Do you feel he can communicate well?

I think he was quite tired today. And tiredness makes it worse, definitely.

Re speech, very hard to say. Nursery have specifically said no concerns, and he’s got about the right ‘amount’ of words going by what websites like Start4Life and so on say. But with that being said, I do know of toddlers his age with much more varied and sophisticated language skills, so it’s hard to say. His understanding seems good but again with limited language it’s hard to say.