The lonely playground

[aaahshoot]

My 9 year old DD is having problems with friendship groups at school and says that everybody hates her atm. Think her last remaining friend may have been turned today so she's really upset and dreading school tmw.

Does anyone have ideas/strategies for lonely playtimes and lunchtimes? Things to do in the playground when they have nobody to play with? I have suggested reading/puzzle book/offering to litter pick...

At my child's school they have a friendship spot which the child can stand on at playtime and someone should notice and ask them if they want to play.

I would speak to her teacher and ask them to help resolve this. At 9 years old it is probably a misunderstanding that has been blown out of proportion.

I am thinking about speaking to the teacher, although dd doesn't want me to. Things have been pretty precarious for her socially since the beginning of the school year (y5) so it's not about one incident but about the girls frequently ostracising her - saying she is annoying/ thinks she is better than them/ is a bitch...

@queentromboner they did used to have similar - not sure now, and I think she would be far too embarrassed to do that. She is very easily embarrassed currently.

Yeah maybe that's for younger children to be fair. Speak to the teacher, she if she can find out what's going on.

Thanks both - v much. Would still be keen for ideas anyone has for ways to not look like a loner whilst being a loner - even if hopefully temporary!

Sounds like bullying to me 😞

I would definitely speak to the teacher.

Are there any lunchtime clubs she can join?

Mine would sit in the library and read her book or hang out with the more low key boys.

Take heart at 14 she is the most popular girl at school - she just got unlucky with her primary peers and had the confidence to rather be alone or with boys than with girls who were either dull or mean.

This is bullying.

I was her. I hid in the library.

You need to sort it out with the school

Does she find friendships difficult?
Objectively, does she play nicely with others?

Is there a reading shed in the playground?

Speak to the teacher, sounds like bullying, or at least a situation that needs a bit of intervention from the teacher.
In the meantime I think a book is a good idea.

@TheaBrandt this is what I'm thinking. She has lots of friends at her hobbies and is just unlucky with this lot. I want her to have the confidence and resilience to be herself and not beg friendship from people who will very easily turn on her.

I hadn't really thought of it as bullying and she can be prone to exaggeration and dramatics.

She does find friendships tricky at school but not elsewhere. She's not great at striking up conversation or starting a game, being very self-conscious. But she's very kind, bright and keen to do the right thing so I do think she possibly comes across sometimes as bossy or self-righteous. We also won't host her have TikTok which sets her apart .

When my DD started secondary school, she felt lonely at break and lunch before she knew anyone. She took a sketch book and pens and used to draw

My dad is exactly the same and is currently doing similar. She prefers to read a book at school rather than hang with mean girls.

My dd is in a similar boat, OP. This is mainly due to being in a small village school with a limited peer group. She is unfortunate that her year group are not the nicest, either. Dd did not want me to involve the teacher, as she felt that she would be forced to play with/appease people who have treated her poorly, so it is a bit of a stalemate situation. Difficult to know what to do. Like your dd, my dd has no issues with children in her extracurricular clubs.

Thanks all - reading and drawing it is - though I know she's worried other children will ask her why she's doing either .

@MalcolmTuckersBollockingface I'm sorry your daughter is in the same position. Let's hope it helps them build resilience, and to be includers whenever they get the chance.