More of a vent than anything, it's bothering me and I don't have anyone to message who I feels would understand.
DD is 10 months old. DP works FT (shift work so DD can go several days without really seeing him). I'm on 12 months maternity, breastfeed, co-sleep, and am the primary caregiver by a huge margin.
DD is beginning to get separation anxiety from me (will cling to me, cry if she watches me walk out of a room, etc). She simultaneously has developed a dislike of being held by men, including DP. It's obviously a phase but is likely being fueled by how much time I spend with her due to circumstances.
I don't believe in giving a child absolutely everything/anything they want (i.e. every toy they see, sweets every shopping trip), but it is a core value of mine to always try to provide comfort when it is sought, and to respect DD is her own person with her own likes/dislikes/boundaries. My own father substituted love for me with money, and my mother struggled with her own issues and couldn't deal with me when I was dysregulated as a child. As such I bottle a lot of things up and this has historically caused me some quite significant mental health struggles. I do not want this for my daughter and I want to ensure she knows that I (ideally we as parents) are safe, secure people in her life that she can rely on.
DP has started trying to force DD to do things she clearly doesn't want to, like giving her to FIL to hold because "he feels left out", and using a stern voice if she makes a fuss as if she's being consciously unreasonable. He'll also tell me to just ignore her if she expresses obvious separation anxiety from me, saying "she needs to learn to be more independent". I've tried explaining this is all developmental and that the more security we provide now, the more secure she'll become with time. But he is too impatient and thinks it is something she should be doing now.
Not really looking for advice, just some understanding from like minded parents. 😕