5 year old, anyone else going through this?

[Mumof3love2]

Hi all,

I am a bit worried with my 5 year old and need advice.

My 5 year old is a strong willed child, she rarely listens to what we try to teach her or ask her to do and has her own opinions.

1. When we started weaning she refused food at 6 months old so I waited until 8 months old and tried again. She did not like the taste of many veggies, once she tried bananas she only wanted that. She was already very picky and as soon as she tried something she prefered she would not eat fruits and veggies anymore.. Even nursery did not manage to give her fruits or vegetables.

Fast forward, she is 5 and she is a less picky but still refuses to eat fruits or vegetables (apart of corn on the cob, baked beans) . I manage to give her a fruit pouch somedays. We discovered recently vitamins milkshake which she has once a day in milk.
I know that at school she'll only eat what she likes, like carbs, meat, fish fingers. At home I manage to make her eat butternut squash soup and i add loads of carrots, it has to be orange. If green she wont have it.

1. She sometimes has huge anger and it can be triggered all of a sudden. She is not very good at eye contact, we are teaching her and she tries. She is constantly moving even when watching tv. I have to ask her to drink, to go to the toilet otherwise she won't do it. Today she didn't drink at school and she rarely goes to the toilet there.

1. This evening, her little sister fell asleep at 8:10pm same room. 5 year old wanted another story but baby needed me so had to go shortly. Husband replaced me and they were having a nice conversation when she got angry.

Husband left to go to bathroom and she cried shouting so loud. I went and hugged but she started to say that she cannot sleep. She wanted more stories. Then I read one last one. She then started to panic that she is scared, cant sleep. And it was already 9:15pm. I said I'll stay until you fall asleep but she started shouting crying, I explained that I stay if she stays calm but she didn't so I left. She came to me shouting that she is thirsty and she was shivering. She said she doesn't want to die. It scared me and made me very sad to see her like that. Husband then said that I am not a good parent, daughter is like that because of her poor diet, that I shouldn't have given her what she likes eating. I am a stay at home mum so I should take better care of her. He said that in front of my daughter which I told him he shouldn't do. I feel like a failure. Did I do that? What should I do? I am so sad and starting to think that maybe I failed my daughter 😭 Husband thinks daughter has ADHD or maybe autism. Should I contact my GP to check that? Any suggestions?

I don't have any family here. All live in a different country so can't ask for help unfortunately.

If you came so far, thank you for your time. 👍

You must be having a hard time but it will pass. My 3 year old is picky with his food aswell so I understand why you give her what she asks for sometimes that’s the best way to get them to eat something.
how old is your younger one? Could she be feeling you are giving your other baby the attention? Sometimes kids do that, maybe speak to gp if you think she might have ADHD. Hugs for you mumma it will get better 💐

Thanks for your reply. I have two other girls, a 2 year old and a 4 months old.
I try to give her at least 15 min to read together everyday.

Do you think some of the behaviour could be attention seeking? Or driven by frustration or perhaps jealousy? You've probably already done this but it might be helpful to talk with her about her feelings and try to get her to explain her emotions.

But tbh a lot of what you describe is pretty typical for kids that age I'd say, eg asserting their will, picking eating, won't sit still.

I think the most concerning part of what you have shared is your husbands reaction. Was it said in the heat of the moment because you were all getting frustrated, or has he said things like this before?
It is unfair of him to blame you when you are doing your best as a Mum, and also what he said is ridiculous anyway. Of course her diet isn't so bad it is making her ill, and what would that have to do with her not wanting to go to sleep anyway?!

I have a 4.5 year old (only child) who is quite picky with food too, I would say it is very normal. We are very healthy eaters but have had to accept that she is going to be fussy at that age. We just keep trying to add in fruit & veg where we can. You certainly don't need to feel guilty.

I don't know a lot about ADHD but based on what you have said I think your DH might be jumping the gun and assuming the worst. He sounds like a bit of a panicker...DD isn't eating really healthy - she's going to become unwell, DD is fidgety/having tantrums - she must have ADHD.

Thanks for your kind words.
DH is anxious so I think quickly panics.
He said it in the heat of the moment but as you said it's not helping.
I am thinking the same, I am telling him that it is normal for a 5 year old and i wouldn't really know what to say to a GP about it.
It's good to get another point of view.