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Original poster

11 week old sleep training?

37 replies

mnnewbie12 · 13/03/2023 22:07

Advice please...

My DD is 11 weeks old and I'm having an internal battle with what to do for the best with her sleep.

At what age do they form habits? Currently she sleeps for a few hours at night in her next to me cot (once she's bottle fed and fast asleep) and then will wake for next feed. As the night gets later it gets harder to put her back in next to me cot as she's so unsettled and just wants to be with us. We end up co-sleeping (safely) each night and find she does the longest stretches in with us, and we're so desperate it feels easier than attempting to put her back in cot.
My concern with this is that she may now be forming the habit that she has to be with us to sleep... what are your thoughts? What should we do? I'm battling between her being so young and just wanting to be close with no harm done against us paying for it in a few months when she goes in her own room...

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Coffeeandcrocs · 13/03/2023 22:19

You absolutely cannot sleep train/do not need to sleep train an 11 week old baby. You're still in the 4th trimester and what you're describing is completely normal baby behaviour.

If co sleeping is being done safely and works for you, why change it? The NHS guidelines changed recently to say co sleeping ( when done safely ) is perfectly fine.

Coffeeandcrocs · 13/03/2023 22:20

Also it's from 6 months minimum into own room recommended, you don't have to move her then 🙂

Nimbostratus100 · 13/03/2023 22:20

waaaaay too little to even be thinking of "sleep training" at 11 weeks!

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ToddlerTerror · 13/03/2023 22:27

When my DD was tiny, I also thought the same and everyone said don't do this or that as they will get used to it and it will cause issues. However, I read online that a child's brain is not developed enough to create 'habits' until about 18 months old so I did my own thing to keep her and me happy. So please don't worry about making habits or a rod for your own back. Cuddle the baby, feed to sleep, rock, co-sleep, pick her up when she cries, whatever works for you and her.
My DD co-slept with me from birth to 6 months and she transitioned into her own room with no issues at all. Even now, we will co-sleep if she is poorly or upset.

ApplePie20 · 13/03/2023 22:27

She’s 11 weeks old! Being close to you overnight is a survival instinct and nothing to do with ‘forming habits’. There is no way a 11 week old has the cognitive ability for that! Honestly, just do whatever gets you the most sleep in the here and now. Sleep training a newborn is completely not on.

grumpytoddler1 · 13/03/2023 22:30

I agree, don't stress yourself out trying to get a baby to do something if it's not working. Just do whatever works. You are absolutely not creating a bad habit.

Original poster

mnnewbie12 · 13/03/2023 22:33

Really helpful replies, thank you. It's so hard when it's your first and people around you say about them getting to used to it and creating a rod for your own back. Hard to know the right thing to do.

OP posts:

Doggydooda · 13/03/2023 22:34

I have always been a relaxed person regarding young babies and always prioritised shower for me over baby crying for a few minutes…but absolutely no way would I go for sleep training at 12 weeks . They really need their Mum to make them feel safe .
Just accept that a decent night sleep will not happen for a while and just nap when baby naps.

Abridget7 · 13/03/2023 22:51

I have so many rods ive lost count!
Co-sleep - it's safe & it's normal. Don't sleep train.
Follow Lynsey Hookway & Kathryn Stagg on Instagram. They have lots of sensible & gentle sleep advice.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2023 22:54

Your rod, your back, your baby. Ignore everyone else. You know her best, you want what’s best for her, carry on as you are, following your instincts to keep her safe, comfortable and sleeping!

Judgyjudgy · 13/03/2023 22:57

Definitely no, no. Not until 6 months. And I'm an advocate of gentle sleep training done properly

User473831 · 13/03/2023 23:04

My eldest is 9 and only sleeps with medical intervention so tbh at 11 weeks I;m not sure there's much you can do.

My youngest trained themselves quite quickly.

Horses for courses

Bobbi730 · 13/03/2023 23:36

I co-slept with both my two and moved them into their own rooms a around 6 months with no problems. Loved co-sleeping. Please don't try sleep training an 11 week old baby. I didn't do any kind of sleep training and now they are both great sleepers. Good luck. New motherhood is wonderful but so hard. It will get easier..

jannier · 13/03/2023 23:47

Coffeeandcrocs · 13/03/2023 22:19

You absolutely cannot sleep train/do not need to sleep train an 11 week old baby. You're still in the 4th trimester and what you're describing is completely normal baby behaviour.

If co sleeping is being done safely and works for you, why change it? The NHS guidelines changed recently to say co sleeping ( when done safely ) is perfectly fine.

No guidance is still separate sleep spaces are safest but that if you insist on co sleeping there are things to make it safer. One is sleeping on a very firm mattress and removing duvets

BabyB2022 · 14/03/2023 03:07

I was really worried about creating bad habits with my first and wished I hadn't worried so much. We sleep traines at 6 months and she's been a fab sleeper ever since. I've just had my second and am more relaxed this time as I know we can always do something about the sleep later on.

DragonbornMum · 14/03/2023 07:26

Sleep habits are formed between months 4-6, and even in this period you don't want to use "proper" sleep training because they're too little. 11 weeks is waaaaay too young to be thinking about that sort of thing

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 14/03/2023 07:34

Anyone giving you any unsolicited advice about sleep is talking bullshit. You can also discount anything anyone says who uses the phrase “rod for your own back”.

You cannot sleep train a newborn. That would be cruel, abusive and neglectful.

Babies shouldn’t be in their own room until 6 months old minimum due to the SIDS risk.

It’s also worth noting that baby sleep isn’t linear - it’s developmental. So it goes through good patches where they sleep hours on end and bad patches where they wake up every hour or two. And that’s applicable up to 2/3 years old too.

In a baby’s first year, at 3 months old, that is generally the best they will sleep for that entire first year.

FlounderingFruitcake · 14/03/2023 07:35

There’s a very famous American paediatrician and author called Dr Michel Cohen of Tribeca Paediatrics and he’d disagree with anyone saying 11 weeks is too young, because he recommends starting sleep training at 8 weeks. Then equally you get other ‘experts’ who think sleep training at any age is harmful. And those in the middle that have decided on 6 months as the magic age. The only thing that seems obvious is that there’s no consensus. Your baby, your choice. As long as you follow safe sleep guidelines (including if co sleeping), trust your instincts and don’t listen to anyone telling you you’re doing it wrong.

midnightblue12 · 14/03/2023 07:40

At 11 weeks you'll be entering the 4 month sleep regression soon and everything will change!

Just ride the wave and do whatever you need to do for yourself to make it easier ♥️
It won't last!

ShirleyPhallus · 14/03/2023 07:46

“Sleep training” doesn’t have to mean just leaving the baby to cry though. We “sleep trained” from birth in that I used white noise, swaddle, gentle rocking and shushing to get the baby relaxed and then put her in her cot when she was sleepy but still awake. Then as she got bigger (4-5 months) phased out the rocking and swaddle and just popped her down in her cot awake for sleep. If she cried, I’d pick her up and rock and shush again, then put down as she was sleepy and go to sleep. Really really gentle and meant she always had cot = sleep as an association.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doing and no one should make you feel bad for it, but if co-sleeping doesn’t work for you then you could try something gentle like I did

3WildOnes · 14/03/2023 07:53

There is nothing wrong with snuggling them to sleep and all night long if that's what you enjoy. Equally, you can start gentle sleep training with them now. From about 6 weeks I started getting mine used to falling asleep in the cot on their own. I would swaddle them, give them their dummies and put white noise on. If they cried, I would come back and try and settle them with my hand on their tummy. If that worked I would leave again and if it didn't I would pick them up and try again later. Within a couple of weeks they were all able to self settle (with a dummy).

3WildOnes · 14/03/2023 07:55

@ShirleyPhallus I missed your comment as I was writing mine but yes that very very similar to what we did.

Original poster

mnnewbie12 · 14/03/2023 08:06

Thanks everyone. Great advice!

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 14/03/2023 10:30

3WildOnes · 14/03/2023 07:55

@ShirleyPhallus I missed your comment as I was writing mine but yes that very very similar to what we did.

Yes, exactly the same it seems! Good advice!

Greendoor12 · 14/03/2023 10:46

It’s so so sad that society and ‘Rods for your back’ in sleep training your tiny baby has become more normal than cuddling, comforting and connecting with your baby so small. They don’t know they’re a separate person from the mother until around 7 months. This is all normal. Reframe your thoughts that they want you because you’re their safe space and tell anyone telling you you’re creating problems by comforting your baby to fuck off.

You’re creating more psychological problems not comforting a baby than by letting them learn you will be there for all of their needs.

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