You may call me Sherlock .......... No S * * T !!

[Desiderata]

I have cracked (pardon the pun) the reason for my 3.3 year ds's sudden abstention from poohing following a short and not very traumatic vomiting bug.

The clue lies in the above paragraph.

It took me five days ... but I solved it

Anal fissure?

No, dumbles, and thank goodness. That must be agony!

The clue is in the final word of the first paragraph.

Ooh wriggly things?

I can see where you're coming from, but it's not that.

No sir.

He hasn't eaten a winnie the pooh toy has he???

No, but I'll tell you now, because it's pretty revelatory.

Last Tuesday, he was sick a couple of times.

'Ah, come on, love' says I. 'You've caught a bug, that's all. You'll feel better soon.'

Then, no pooh. Never had a problem before, but now, no pooh. I have had the five days from hell, with him screaming with stomach pains and running around with his finger up his bum to stop it coming out. Yes, it's been an incomparable joy ..

Today, exasperated and at the end of my tether, I ran it past him again.

'What is frightening you. Just tell me.'
'I've got a bug in my stomach, a spider, and if I do a pooh, it will fall out and bite my bum.'

The moral of this tale is, never tell a small child they've caught a bug, because they're literal little souls, ain't they?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Thank you Flamesparrow. I shall not forget that you were the only bugger (with the exception of the The Dumble, of course), who showed a polite interest in my son's bowel movements.

Poor little sod he must have been scared shitless-pun intended.

Desi, do you namechange?

Message withdrawn

If it is shit related, I'm here

Oh, so now you come!!!

I have never name-changed, Lola, but NoShitSherlock is a tempting option ..

Got to dash but just been stalking looking for you to see how it went with ds.

Very pleased you've cracked it. Hope he is now back to his normal self, excrement and all.

Awwww that is sooo sweet. You must remember to tell this story to all his girlfriends when he is older

Thanks, girls

It does make sense when you see it from a toddler's perspective, though. From now on, with all children, all stomach upsets are just that.

Upsets.

Not bugs.

Definitely not bugs.

Great story Desi.

I would never have worked that one out.

Dumbles, do you think I have single-handedly solved the problem of sudden and inexplicable fecal retention in young children????

Absolutely.

Though in my dd's case, it was an anal fissure that went on for 18 months (hence me mentioning it).

Youch! Slouchy suggested an anal fissure to me last night, and I did some googling, but it all looked pretty healthy from the outside.

You must have gone through hell with that, right alongside dd.

You know, I thought I'd been a pretty relaxed parent until now.

Now I realize that I just got lucky.

To be honest, I haven't dealt with it particularly well, but all is quiet in the camp now

So, has he done the poo?

duchesse, he's done about a yard and a half today.

My methods were not Mary Poppins. I shoved him on the toilet, and I didn't let him go.

He hated me, he told me I was mean, that he loved his daddy, that I was horrible, and he didn't love me. Oh! and he also hit me.

None of which compares to the immaculate evacuation

Not out of the woods, but moving towards the clearing, so thanks very much for asking

Ya does what works.

If he overcomes his fear, it works. Mission accomplished, I'd say.