Sibling fall outs - 8 and 5

[LillyBugg]

Please help me manage these, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm an only child, this whole relationship is so odd to me!

8yo is quite mature, 8.5, brimming with attitude at times, DS. 5yo is almost 6, more immature, can be deliberately difficult (imo), also DS.

How do you manage when they fall out over trivial things? 'He isn't doing the game my way, he won't share, he isn't helping me with this toy, he's not listening to me'. It's absolutely relentless. When I get involved it sometimes helps, but more often than not someone feels hard done by. Sometimes I crack and just say 'leave me out of it, sort it yourselves' and inevitably someone ends up crying.

How do you navigate these constant fallouts?! Sometimes they play so nicely, and adore each other, and then we have phases like this where it's just not nice to be around.

It’s totally normal - just tell them to quit the nonsense or they will loose xyz (eg screen time)

But how do you know who is right and who is wrong to confiscate something? I just feel like it's a constant 'I'll take it away if you can't get on'. It's not actually helping them to resolve anything.

mine are the same age (both girls). They are close but the bickering drives me nuts.

i only step in when I need to now eg when it escalates into full on screaming or hitting (5). Otherwise, I listen to them try to resolve it themselves. They are getting better at it (largely because 5 has realised that if she’s annoying, 8 will stop playing with her)

I try to set them up so that they know if they start arguing I'll turn it off. It's often one being overly controlling or pernickity so that sort of dampens it down a bit and teams them up to keep the game.
I don't expect them to help each other or play together which may or may not be the right approach.

Maybe being clear at the outset is a new approach I could try. It's absolutely that one is overly controlling and picky over things which makes it painful. It's not always even the same child!!

@PressureLikeADripDripDrip unfortunately 8 keeps trying and trying and so doesn't always help himself sometimes. This would be a great natural consequence though!!

I’d love to know solutions for this! Mine are DS 8 and 6 and it often descends into full on fighting. The eldest just won’t walk away, it’s like he’s lost in the fighting moment! I’m at a loss of what to do as no consequence seems to stop it. So if you work it out please let me know! 😂

I personally find acting as a mediator rather than an arbitrator works best but it is far from perfect. Make them listen to the other person’s perspective, see if they can come up with an agreed way through it, and agree to end the game if they cannot agree, even temporarily. Mine are older now but this went on for years. It was no fun. I feel your pain.

You need to be strong and consistent.

I have 2 boys 15 months apart she twin dds so plenty of argy Bargy. I was a sahm so easier I think as often on the spot. It's generally 50/50 between kids really so trying to apportion Blame is a wasted time.

So how's rules. No name calling/shouting and deffo no physical attacks. Any serious nonsense activity closed. Go to your rooms until want to apologise to me first then siblings.,

Then move on. Endless hashing of 'well why did you do that snd who did this!!' Complete waste of time. Short sharp punishment and they get it.

Completely normal for siblings to argue but fighting or name calling/meanest totally no

To add all grown up now and get on great.

Me and my sis on the other hand are non contact! Dm was the mediator type and we ran rings round her while cementing our dislike of each other

So @smileladiesplease do you even listen to the nonsense? Or just totally shut it down, toys away and separate? This feels mean but what I'm doing now just isn't working. They also share a room which is less than ideal!

I don't generally listen to it.
They like to play switch games together, some of the games make them argue. So I'll say you can play Mario, does this one make you argue? They'll swear no it doesn't. So I say, ok, but any arguing it goes off and you're in separate rooms. They get a bit chopsy with each other and I ask, are out arguing? If it kicks off I turn it off and send them to their rooms. The little one always refuses so stays downstairs but not on the switch.

It'll be "she did this, she did that, she wouldn't let me" but switch isn't my thing so I don't care and just follow through with what I said!