15m old is pure hard work

[Exworrier]

My 15m is what I’d call a high needs baby, he always has been. He cries A LOT, tantrums A LOT, and he is utter mischief, I am beginning to think there is something other than normal toddler behaviour going on.

He barely eats - there are 5 or 6 foods that he likes that he will mostly accept but we still have days where he wont eat anything at all (it goes on the floor) at the beginning I would try him with new exciting foods but now I feel I am just so desperate for him to eat I stick to what is safe. The food waste is depressing as we are not well off.

He is obsessed with milk in a bottle still and will sometimes cry and point to a bottle on the work surface while he is eating his dinner. He has milk three times a day (5-7oz) and usually once at night but sometimes twice (on a bad night) he has oatley barista milk (hes cmpa)

There is no rhyme or reason to any of his sleep patterns. One night he will sleep through (rare) the next he will be up 12 times. Sometimes he will sleep 7-7, sometimes he wont sleep til 8/9pm and he’ll wake at 5am. We try to keep daytime naps as 1h in morning and 1.15 in the pm, we dont let him sleep after 3.30. He has a tendency to refuse afternoon naps but we wants to sleep on and on in the morning.

He is just so grumpy all the time and I feel bad saying it but I feel like we arent enjoying him yet. The tantrums are something else and sometimes they are triggered by nothing at all, literally nothing happening. He will crouch down and put his head on the floor and just cry, he wont accept cuddles or even acknowledge if someone else enters the room in this time.

He has very loose poos, he will go 2 times a day and they are mostly explosive and come out the legs of his nappy. Its horrendous. They are not mucus poos or anything like that just very stinky.

He has CMPA and did have reflux when he was younger so that didn’t help. He has passed the milk ladder up until actual milk but when we tried that he was more miserable than normal so we havent reattempted yet but he regularly has cheese, yoghurt etc no problem.

Im not sure where to turn. I feel so ground down.

I would cut the dairy out again for 6 weeks. It sounds like is he reacting to something.

What was his behaviour like before you started the milk ladder? I’d also be tempted to cut out dairy. Sorry you’re having a hard time 💐

I’m so sorry, that sounds tough.

It seems like it would be worth investigating other allergies. The poo definitely doesn’t sound normal. Is it making his bum sore? How is his growth? Could you speak to a GP and ask for a referral to an allergy specialist?

He's not eating because he's having so much milk. I'd reduce that massively and hope to see a corresponding pick-up in his appetite.

With the naps I'd try listening to him. Why not let him sleep longer in the morning and skip the lunchtime sleep, maybe just have a catnap later on. If his sleep is already a nightmare then you've nothing to lose by trying to go with what he wants rather than the schedule you've decided on.

Keep a food/milk and sleep diary and see if you can see any connection between one and the other.

Does he have a good bedtime routine?

It is one of the hardest ages I think, but usually gets a lot better quite soon when they're able to make themselves understood a little better and understand what you're saying to them.

Lots of fresh air and exercise always helps too.

It sounds like the milk issues are causing most of the issues.

Sleep, food, and digestive issues can all be signs of neurodivergence although not always. However, it doesn't hurt to treat a neurotypical child the same way you would a neurodivergent one just in case.
When he tantrums at home try and remove any sensory input and see if that helps, turn any music off, shut the curtains, make sure he is in a safe space and cant hurt himself, limit what you say and the things you do say use your best calm, audio book narrator voice. If he is in an escalated state then he wont really be able to hear or act on your directions anyway. It can help to have things to redirect the energy, throwing bean bags or indoor snowballs that wont break anything might be a good move.

If he is tantrumming over nothing it could be pain or it could be understimulation so a wobble board or similar age appropriate toy for proprioception, bubble tubes or other light toys like light up balls.

Our two boys had lots of good allergies and intolerances. Could never definitively get to the bottom of it but oatly barista and sometimes soy milk would upset their stomach more if they were under the weather. Try the standard oatly for a bit maybe? Has worked for us in the past. Best of luck; it's absolutely fucking brutal.

Waaaaaay too much milk for his age! He should be having roughly only a pint of milk including any in cereal, yoghurt etc a day. He won’t eat if he is full of milk. I know it’s a battle but you need to stop giving him bottles in the day. Just try one before bed and maybe one a small before his afternoon nap if you have to. It will be a hard few days but his appetite will pick up, he isn’t eating because he is having too much milk.

Thanks everyone. I do know its too much milk honestly, but he wont sleep unless he has his milk first (not fed to sleep but we give hi milk downstairs beforehand) and I am not coping with the little sleep he has so I suppose I have buried my head in the sand with that one.

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime This is really helpful information, thank you. I have wondered if perhaps he is neurodiverse but he has hit all his milestones well and he is very sociable and holds good eye contact.

@EmmBeeOhDee Ok I will try this! Never thought to his milk at this late stage.

Agree with too much milk vs food and also he just sounds really tired too. Not sure why he’s only allowed to have an hour in the morning and 115 in the afternoon? Maybe a bit more in both naps plus a solid bedtime routine - tea, bath, story, bed at the same time each night might help too

@Exworrier My DD was quirky but hit all her milestones, I always thought she kept eye contact and she can although its uncomfortable but often says she looks at the eyebrows or bridge of the nose it wasnt until she started Secondary School that those 'quirks' and sensory overload became an issue, that I realised that she didn't really do two way conversation, she talked at people or during small talk would answer a question but wouldnt reciprocate with a question in return etc. Although she didn't have restricted behaviours as I saw them, she does have a need to maintain sameness of various things.

I'm not saying for a second he is neurodiverse but quite often when children are tantrumming we give them too much sensory overload, we talk to them, we get frustrated and embarrassed if out and about etc so trying to reduce sensory input and treating as if ND won't hurt and will probably calm him.

@TheGlitterFairy He is of course allowed to sleep longer, however from experience long morning nap = no afternoon nap = overtired for bed = early morning waking.

I feel really bad about the milk.

He woke at 2.30 last night and cried and wouldnt go back to sleep until I finally gave in and gave him a bottle at 5am. I tried EVERYTHING. Rocking, stroking his hair, leaving him with his comforter, checking in. Within 5 mins of having the milk he was asleep again.

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime Thats interesting, thank you for sharing.

I’m not trying to be antagonistic OP - just trying to help. On the nap, could you cap the morning one at an hour or 90 mins then give him another in the afternoon for a similar time, then he should have enough wake hours before bed to then be tired.

The Huckleberry app is great and can help to predict wake windows/ nap times and so on. I use it now still at 22 months as it’s helpful to see how many hours sleep in the day plus night etc.

Re the wake up last night, it sounds as though he woke up hungry if the only thing to settle him was the milk.
Are you able to try what @CupEmpty suggested? It’s a bit of a snowball effect in that if he has less in the day, he’ll eat more solids then be full for when he goes to bed - and hopefully sleep to a more reasonable time.
Some people I know and have read about weaned off the milk by watering it down; personally I just gave less and we weaned DS off it that way but either is a good option.

Hi I second the suggestion of checking for more food allergies. Out of interest what are the 5-6 foods he likes?

I'd also try adding a probiotic to his food/drink.

Agree re reducing milk intake.

They know if they cry long enough you'll crack and bring them milk in the night. Really tough - offer water consistently and they'll soon start eating better. But I think you need to be sure that he has no allergies first.

Ps mine has a gluten intolerance and so we went gluten-free early on, and that helped immensely. Not saying that's the issue here but if he drinks oat milk I'd suggest to switching to one of the gluten-free brands - glebe farm / rude health.

Oh just realized this was quite a while ago....hope you got it all sorted @Exworrier xxx