After effects of Year 6 residential trip

[Goody2hughes]

Hi All

My daughter has recently returned from her Y6 residential trip. She was nervous about going but actually was excited when it came.
off she went so confident.
She hasn’t stayed away from home many times so I was worried but of course told her how much fun she would have etc..

When she returned after 3 days I picked her up and she looked like a rabbit in the headlights! The first thing she said was ‘ I missed you!’ She put on a brave face until we got home and then cried her heart out. She has been upset at various points and although the teachers looked after her and calmed her down it sounds like she was homesick.
Her teacher said she had some times of being upset but they calmed her and she joined in with most of the activities!

Now she is home she isn’t eating properly (saying she has a funny tummy) and keeps getting upset. We’ve had lots of snuggles and I’ve tried to reassurance her now she is home that what she felt was ok and normal and how proud I am of her.

I'm just Interested if anyone else has had this experience? My friends children all have been on their trips and enjoyed it so would be good to gain some reassurance that this is not uncommon. It’s making me really anxious and I just want her to be ok!

I hate seeing her like this and just want my happy girl back ! It’s only been a few days and I’m sure she will bounce back! X

my daughter had a similar thing when she came out of being hospital for 4 days, it's not exactly the same thing but i think it manifests similarly, she probably felt trapped and like she wouldn't ever be allowed to come back home even though logically she knew that she would be, it's the fact she was away from all of her comforts and put into a situation where she was vulnerable even though she was perfectly safe, it's completely psychological, it took my daughter 2 weeks to go back to eating properly, i just gave her small meals but in a bigger time frame as in 3 snacky meals for tea with 1 or 2 things rather than 1 big meal, she'll probably cry a lot but all you can do is reassure her, she's done it now so the next time she has a residential trip when she's in highschool probably it won't seem so bad

What dues she say when you talk about it? When you say :

"I've noticed since you got home... eating.., tummy. Let's talk about this all, the trip, how it went, how you feel now. Let me help you".

How does she respond?

My eldest hated her first residential in Year 5. There were some girls in her dorm who wouldn’t sleep and semi bullied those who wanted to and my DD loves her sleep! She came back miserable, exhausted, said she never wanted to leave me again. They also did lots of physical resilience type stuff getting cold and wet, again, not her thing.

Fast forward and she is now much older, resilient, sociable and has been on many other school trips and music tours. She still complains about the quality of the food and the beds sometimes, but has enjoyed other trips immensely.

I'd avoid saying you're proud of her for going because the implication is that you wouldn't be proud of her if she hadn't gone, thus inadvertantly putting pressure on her to go next time/feel like she'll have to again etc.

I'd concentrate on telling her that it's fine to not enjoy being away from home. She gave it a try and it wasn't for her this time and that's fine.

Also OP when they are older they get to take their phones so can still communicate with us (if and when they need us). Whereas at this age they feel very cut off because they can’t speak to us which just doesn’t suit every child. Even on a sleepover at a friend’s house or family they can always ask to call the parent if they want to. Some children just need the reassurance that they could talk to their parent.
Note one of my DS is the exact opposite, totally fine without me, always was, never ever felt the need to get in touch much on a school trip.

Yes I'd avoid the 'proud' thing. As the previous poster said, just reassure her that being homesick is perfectly normal and that she doesn't need to go on another residential school trip again if she doesn't want to. Lots of children don't for various reasons.

Honestly just keep things steady and she will be OK soon. One of my DC is a right moody bastard whenever either of us have been away, even though they are glad we are both home again they have a funny way of showing it. Don't take it as a personal failure or something serious to worry about.

It is ok for kids to have less happy times and then restore themselves and have happier times. No one is happy 100% of the time.

Is it possible that she felt self conscious going for a poo in a strange place and has come back a little constipated? That always causes my kids to have a tummy ache and be off their food?

I know it’s not intentional but you’re putting too much pressure on her to bounce back and give you your “happy girl” back etc. That’s not what she needs and could make her put a mask on to pretend she’s ok to make you happy.

Something has obviously upset her or made her anxious (could be one thing or a culmination). Be patient and reassure her that her feelings are valid, you’re here for her to help her process them, and there is no rush.

She’s allowed to have hated it, and to feel prolonged upset afterwards until she’s ready to move on. Give her space and time, and reduce the expectations on her to be happy when she is clearly not.

(I know you haven’t meant to do this - you obviously care deeply)