Toddler won’t let us clean her

[JamesHill]

My 2, soon to be 3 year old, has stopped letting us clean her bum.

We’ve never had any problems previously. She recently had bad nappy rash and since then refuses to let us clean her, clamping her legs shut and screaming when she tries. It now takes 45 mins to change her. It’s so frustrating for everyone, and we’re physically unable to force her.

At times the best we can do is get the obvious bits and bath her, but there’s definitely still small bits in the cracks.

She isn’t potty trained and this type of thing just sets her back as she’s equally now terrified of the potty. She’s also getting conscious about it, with the result she’s doing about 5 tiny poos a day.

Any genius ideas?!

Must have been painful for her when she had the nappy rash which is why she’s upset now
try pull ups so you can pull them down and off and then pull up easily?
Distract by blowing bubbles etc when doing this or TV so she can look at something else
it will pass in time - good luck

Explain everything you’re doing as well so you can reassure her every time

Why can’t you physically force her? If you’re not cleaning her properly, you’re making the problem worse as she is going to keep getting sore.

You need to take control of the situation and parent her. Say ‘Darling, I know this might hurt but we have to clean you properly or you’ll get sore again. Mummy knows it hurts a bit but I promise it’ll get better soon.’ Talk continuously to her in a calm and gentle tone of voice, and clean her properly. If she was fighting you off when she needed her vaccines, what would you do? It might take both of you but you need to do it. Make much of how brave she was and how impressed you are when it’s over.

Being clean isn’t negotiable.

I used to have to pin my youngest down twice a day to brush teeth. Sensory issues and hate it. Using dressing towels like straight jackets, locking the bathroom door, pinching the nose so they had to open the mouth, you name it, we did it.

Holding them down for things like this is horrible,it really is, I sympathise. I’ve pinned DC down for medication, for stitches, for a lumbar puncture. As well for nappy changes, hair brushing, teeth and showers.

If she is terrified of the potty, don’t potty train her, just toilet train?

it’s hard but you aren’t alone at pinning them down, some things have to be done.

She sounds constipated. Read the ERIC website and make a GP appointment.

Stick her in a bath or shower every time? Or clean with a jug over the toilet instead of wiping.

plain water will be gentle. Then let her put her own cream on if needed.

I'd just suck up bathing her each time and use aqueous cream instead of soap. It's soothing.

My daughter went through a phase of this after having loose stools and nappy rash, she obviously found it painful and the whole thing just became a negative experience even after the pain was gone. Might be terrible parenting but honestly I used bribery and distraction to change the narrative. Gave her chocolate bottons while I done it, let her hold my phone and watch a video (which she never gets to do), this kind of thing. After a few days she had forgot all about it.

She's nearly 3 why isn't she potty trained. Bin the nappies and put knickers on her no going back

Having a reward after each wipe could work, bubbles are good, blow some bubbles, then one wipe, then some bubbles, another wipe, then some more bubbles, etc,
Using aqueous cream and water also sounds like a great idea, when my DC was sore and nappy changes had become a battle we did resort to a quick shower at every nappy change for a couple of days.
I would wait to resolve the cleaning issues first before you continue potty training.
Yes a lot of kids are trained at 3 years old, but a reasonable percentage of them aren't, and many continue to have issues around poo for a while even after they are trained for wee's. It's better to get potty training right and leave it until your child is happy and relaxed about it than push them into training and potentially set yourself up for more trouble later on.

Hi, I know this is an old post but did this get better? My daughter is going through pretty much the same.