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Original poster

In crisis with back and struggling with baby

13 replies

Marzipangirl3 · 11/03/2023 14:39

Hoping for some practical advice as I can’t think straight through the pain.
Currently in a crisis with my mid back, have had pain since giving birth 11 weeks ago but have got to the point I am struggling to function in the past week. I have tried to push through the pain as I have no choice with caring for DD but I’m at the point where I can’t even stand at the sink to brush my teeth and doing anything with the baby is agony. I am alone with the baby now until tomorrow mid morning as DH has gone out with friends. I was meant to have the morning off holding baby/doing feeds today (she contact naps) but DH wanted to chill before going out so I’m already at the point where I’m struggling to hold her to feed her as it’s so painful. DH will be home around midnight but will be drunk so obviously isn’t safe to help out and then will be hungover tomorrow morning.

How do I get through the next 20-24 hours or so? I feel so down and crap about it already but I know that feeling sorry for myself doesn’t fix anything. Painkillers and heat packs take the edge off but I’m in real crisis here and can’t see a private physio until next week as don’t have anyone to watch the baby for me whilst I go. Just looking for any advice if anyone has been through this?

OP posts:
MollyRover · 11/03/2023 15:02

Call your DH and tell him you need him home now. Did you tell him how serious it was this morning?

Singleandproud · 11/03/2023 15:12

You need to call your DH and get him home. You are unable to care for yourself or your baby.
If you can get a private physio appointment sooner then get one and DH will have to take time off to look after the baby.

You need to start putting boundaries in place now because at the moment it sounds very much like you have a DH problem.

Original poster
Marzipangirl3 · 11/03/2023 15:12

Thanks for your reply. Yes he knows, I’ve been in tears with it for days…. He’s not going to come back home so no point. I don’t have control over him and his actions.

I just need to cope and manage as best as I can until he’s able to help tomorrow.

OP posts:

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Mrsjayy · 11/03/2023 15:15

You really need to call him home .if you are so incapacitated and in pain why didn't you say anything before he left? I've no tips because you sound like you are really struggling!

Mrsjayy · 11/03/2023 15:17

I mean you could just sit on the bed or the sofa all day till he takes over tomorrow there doesn't seem to be any other option but to Sit or lie.

MistyFrequencies · 11/03/2023 15:17

Tell him to come home now or not at all. Fuck that shit. Its his bsby too.

grumpytoddler1 · 11/03/2023 15:17

Are you saying your DH refused to do anything with the baby at all this morning because he 'wanted to chill before going out?' Wow.

Marblessolveeverything · 11/03/2023 15:19

You need medical intervention, you could have blown a disc. Ring him and tell him you have to go and be examined by medical staff. He either comes home now or never

Is there anyone who can take the baby with you even. Someone who can be with you to hold the baby so at the very least can get pain relief sorted, I would happily do this for a neighbor etc

gogohmm · 11/03/2023 15:20

From what you have written I would be changing the locks today, wow how inconsiderate can you get. Going out pre planned ok, a tricky one but refusing to help this morning! That's the clincher

sixfoot · 11/03/2023 15:21

I’m speechless. Your ‘d’h has gone out and left you, with his child, when you are in this much pain?

Singleandproud · 11/03/2023 15:22

I would lose any respect for my partner if he left me and my newborn alone when I was in too much pain to look after us. It really shows where his priorities lay and I'm sorry you've got to deal with that on top of your pain.

In terms of managing pain and looking after baby in your position I would call my parents. Could you call your family or his? A friend? A neighbour? Put a message on your social media asking if anyone can pick you up some stronger meds or is free for a couple of hours to help.
Our local community centre works in conjunction with the local churches and food banks to help people out who are alone in similar situations to you, its a knock on from covid and is brilliant - do you have anything similar in your area?

Practically, lift baby into their pram if it's a lay down one, avoid carrying them incase you drop them and push them around the house or just rock it if you can.

doadeer · 11/03/2023 15:23

This is crazy. You need help.

What painkillers have you got?

As a long term back sufferer I'm nervous to suggest movements without knowing what's going on but you need professional advice urgently.

Is there anyone else you can ask given your husband sounds incredibly selfish?

BabyMoonPie · 11/03/2023 15:26

You ring your husband and tell him to get home now. You can't look after your baby or yourself and he needs to do the majority of care. When he's back you ring 111 for advice / an OOH appointment. If husband won't come home you tell him to stay away - you're better off without him

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