DD overtired and won’t sleep at night

[babypanther]

My 3 week old DD hasn’t been sleeping well at night for the past few days and I am really struggling. My health visitor and midwife have said they think I have PND. I want to say I know that babies wake up at night, that’s not my concern - it’s that DD will wake for a feed and then not go back to sleep for around 2 or sometimes 3+ hours. She is formula fed and through the day is fed every 3 hours, she naps through the day no problem.

At night she will wake up for her feed and then she is overtired and just won’t settle. She’ll be yawning and fighting sleep, she will cry and her little arms and legs are kicking and she looks so frustrated and unhappy it breaks my heart. I’ve tried swaddling her, white noise, holding her and rocking her. Nothing seems to help. She is changed, fed and winded. I keep the room dark and quiet. I was in tears last night up for three hours with DD as she just wouldn’t settle and I worry I’m doing something wrong.

Does anyone have any advice for what could be causing this or how to help settle her?

I sympathise, the lack of sleep in those early days makes you feel like you are going crazy but honestly it’s normal for a baby so tiny to have some wacky sleep patterns. They just haven’t got the whole day/night thing yet. I would say if you’ve tried all the obvious and it hasn’t made a difference just keep persisting and telling yourself you will get through this phase. 6 weeks was a turning point for my DD having longer stretches of sleep.

Having said that if you think she is uncomfortable I recommend Infacol drops for wind/colic, they worked great for us.

If I remember correctly, babies don't know night/day at the beginning, so she doesn't know she should be asleep at night.
Sounds perfectly normal to me, you're both doing fabulously

Mine was just like this...they can't tell the difference between day and night yet. I think it improved for us around 6/8 weeks. It helps their body clocks if you can get them out in daylight as much as possible, particularly in the mornings, and keep the environment in the day light and with normal noises (radio etc). You're doing a great job and it will get better. Do you have someone that could help at night? I had to do shifts with my DH.

Sadly normal. DH and I alternated nights and we both watched a lot of terrible films in the middle of the night to keep us awake.

This is SO normal. It’s knackering but you just have to ride it out. It will get easier.

Could you try and give her a dream feed a short while before she’s due her next bottle (so before she wakes up)? She might still wake up, but hopefully will be less worked up for her feed and means you can prepare her bottle whilst she’s asleep.

I also love using a sling when babies are overtired, but you definitely can’t risk you falling asleep with baby in it.

We’re at 5 months and it gets so much easier, but I still sometimes have a 7:30pm bedtime!

Are you changing her nappy? I thought you had to change the nappy every feed so would do every other feed at night - so nappy changed at the late feed and then again not till morning.

It's tough in the early weeks but helping her understand night and day is key. Lots of daylight in the day even when sleeping - I used to put the Moses basket in the window.

You have my sympathy op first few weeks are so so hard.

You are doing everything and tbh, so is she. They just don't know their days to night etc.

Can your partner help with the night feeds?
If not due to work, can you go to bed early and he see to her till the last feed so you can get a good chunk of sleep?

As pp, are you changing nappy everytime? Unless full or soiled I wouldn't do it every change in the night.

Thanks for your replies everyone.

My DP is back at work now so can’t help with the night feeds as he’s got to be up early and I don’t want him being sleep deprived at work.

I was changing DD’s nappy every feed through the night but I will try and leave it to every other feed unless it obviously needs changing, thank you for that tip.

DD has slept so much during the day today, I have tried napping when she did but am still exhausted. Have already had a disaster trying to get her down in her Moses basket tonight, she just wants to be held. I accidentally nodded off holding her on the sofa this afternoon and when I woke up I was distraught as I know how dangerous it is, even now she’ll sleep in my arms for half an hour or so and as soon as I try to put her down she wakes up. I don’t know what I’m going to do

A lot of people find them controversial but we swaddled when we had this issue. I bought swaddles with a Velcro tab and the difference in my DD sleep was night and day. When we transitioned her from a swaddle to a grow bag at 4 months she transitioned really well too.
the swaddled worked for us. She actually slept through the night until she was in swaddled and hit the 4 month sleep regression

Your expectations of your newborn and yourself are way off here. It takes the fourth trimester to learn day and night difference and most babies just want to be held as they sleep because it's all they've ever known for the last nine months. Baby has been up against the reassurance of your heartbeat, feeling completely surrounded and safe. Your baby is doing exactly what she's supposed to be. It's in her biology.

I say this as a second time mum to a baby too. With my first she was four months before she'd go in a snuzpod at all. Before then my husband and I literally held her up all night in shifts, watching TV etc.

If you're on Instagram Sarah Ockwell Smith has some great advice for mums of the majority of babies (it's called why babies hate cribs and what to do instead I think).

I agree with above, this is very normal newborn behaviour. These first few weeks are very hard.
Can you go to bed early and your husband do a feed so you can get a solid block of sleep? This has massively helped me get some sleep in these early weeks!

DD has slept so much during the day today, I have tried napping when she did but am still exhausted

I meant the last feed before midnight, that way you could go up early and get a decent chunk until her 2am (or whatever) feed

@Letsbekindplease I have ordered some of the Little Seeds Velcro swaddles this morning in desperation so I’m hoping they might help!
@Flittingaboutagain @BabyB2022 I have been reading up on the 4th trimester and understand she just wants to be held and that she’s not used to being out in the world yet. I just want her to be happy and well rested and at night she barely sleeps even when I hold her. I’m just finding it hard but hopefully it will pass soon