3 year old is a nightmare at bed time

[lifebythemountains]

Bed time starts at 7, he is almost always down by 8, always by half 8. But god it's fucking draining, guaranteed to always have screaming, crying, throwing, running out of his bedroom etc. He will always find something to kick off about. I used to love bed time cuddling up and reading stories and now dread it, me and dh used to be happy when we asked ds who was doing bed time and he said us now we just hope he asks for the other parent. Has anyone else had this? Did anything help? Tried taking him up earlier just led to an extra half hour of devil child.

I would recommend the podcast "Good Inside" -- the episodes about kids not listening and about bedtime battles are really useful.

I was just thinking what a pain my 3.5 year old has been at bedtime lately and wondering if it was just me..... gotta go back and listen to some of the tools recommended in those podcasts as they really did help!!

Could you stop asking him who is doing bedtime? Most kids don't like going to bed so could you just tell him what tbe next step is? Ie right let's race up stairs. Who will win today? Or how will you get to the top today? I think I will creep up like a cat.

Then once at the top, focus on only the next stage, ie pjs on, which only seems to work well if I make it as fun as possible otherwise it takes 10x as long and results in tears.

Currently my dd loves goldilocks and so she likes me to get "baby bears" pj bottoms out and then shut my eyes saying oh baby bear, here are your pjs. Oh I hope that cheeky goldilocks isn't around. Then I act surprised when I open my eyes to find "goldilocks" wearing the clothes.

Could something similar work for you?

I have a 3.5 year old (threenager) and it's generally difficult to get him to do anything. H and I share Bedtime duties so it's just on one of us, ie one does teeth brushing, then one does nappy change/PJs, then the other stories. We do ask him who he wants to tuck him in/stay for a minute (if there's any refusal getting into bed then we just say we'll both go, and it usually works in getting him into bed). Trying to make everything fun or a game usually does the trick, eg who can get to the bathroom first, and we play a little game while changing nappy, I pretend to be a cat/baby/dinosaur and he's usually more compliant with the character than me as mummy..! The cat (or whatever) might ask him to 'show me how you put your PJs on' and then be overdramatically impressed when he'd doing it. Giving choices (where we don't care what the answer is) like which of two PJs or which colour toothbrush can sometimes help.
It can all pretty tiring to have the energy to be fun all the time though.. and I can quickly lose patience if he still doesn't comply..! Sometimes if he's being awful just switching parent can reset him a bit too.
Good luck!

*I meant to say 'it's not just on of us..'

Also, mine is definitely much much worse the more overtired he is.. I know you've tried taking yours up earlier, but wonder whether it's worth trying to persist a bit (if it seems like he's overtired) and doing it gradually, say pushing it forward by 15mins every day or two.

what is it he doesn't like? Does he have the door open? night light? audiobook? have your tried taking him up a bit later?

We've had this since we took the dummy away in January. She doesn't want a dummy now but just will not go to sleep. It's often tears and tantrums at bedtime. Sometimes it's constant talking, singing loudly shouting at me to rub her back rub her tummy and so on. She's often not asleep until after 9pm and doesn't have a nap so trying to get her out of bed in the morning is a nightmare.

My eldest went through a similar phase of not going to sleep but she was more pleasant lol it was more carrying on, singing etc, she got better at about 3. My youngest is already passed 3 🙈

I totally get the dread of bedtime. We take it in turns but she always wants mummy. I don't know why I think of anything she behaves even worse for me sometimes! Occasionally she will cuddle in and go to sleep within 15/20mins but not often enough! I dread the summer coming with lighter nights and the heat be lucky if she's sleeping for 10pm 🙄