Rejected and Ignored by Toddler - Positive stories please

[RiverRock22]

I have posted before about my toddler. Speech and Communication Delay and possible ASD traits.

Behaviour wise she has never been a problem, occupies herself well and transitions between activities/routines well. She has always been very independent and happy. She had glue ear and grommets inserted, she had hearing loss for a year or so. The grommets didn't solve the speech or listening.

Fast forward to now, a few red flags have come to light. I have been following all the SALT advice to do attention and listening games. I try to play with her as much as possible but she actively doesn't want to engage.

I am just completely heartbroken, I have tried so hard and she won't let me in.

Has anyone else had this with their toddler - ASD or NT and did they change?

Thanks

How old is she?

2y 8m

She does sound like my DD. She also had glue ear, grommets at 2y 7 months. When speech didn't improve I had her assessed for ASD privately at 2y 10 months and was given diagnosis (there were other red flags than speech).

Nursery were concerned, however since she turned 3 we and her nursery have been astounded at such a huge change in her. She now has 2 little best friends and has become much more sociable. She has speech therapy weekly and is beginning to learn language in chunks and can say short sentences. We have an EHCP now, plus extra funding for 1-2-1 time at nursery.

For us, even though she had an autism diagnosis, I feel like we have and are doing everything to support her and she's a happy, kind little girl who is doing very well.

Thank you for your reply @october77 What was her understanding like?

It's hard to tell with her what she understands and what she is choosing to ignore, she chooses to move on her own agenda a lot of the time (this is all improving), and PDA has been mentioned.

Hi Riverrock. My little fella is 5, autistic, and was the same as your daughter up until recently. I found out early on that I couldn’t take part in his imaginary play, because a) he didn’t understand most of what I was saying and b) another person playing introduces unpredictability to the storyline, which he didn’t like. I found much more success in structured games like Buckaroo or Crocodile dentist. You don’t need much receptive language to figure out the rules, it helps turn taking and you can introduce some language.

Please don’t worry. You little girl does want to spend time with you and enjoys your company. She’s just figuring out how to do that within her own comfort zones.

That's great.

I am anticipating ASD to be honest due to limited joint attention, happiness on her own etc. She is pretty easy going transitions easily, goes in the car/pram, eats well, sleeps well (when she goes to sleep). She doesn't have much imaginative play but also not really any repetitive or restrictive play.

What does PDA in toddlers look like? She's doesn't tantrum and has never had a meltdown. She does show displeasure if I say no to e.g. opening a packet of Crisps but she just groans displeasure (like any toddler) and gets on with it.

Thank you @lastapache

We are getting to the point where I am getting really frustrated with the lack of communication and I imagine she is too. I would describe her as aloof and she always has been, although no bother to manage. She has just become a big sister and she has become a little more difficult (although this is mainly because I have been trying to get her to do SALT activities that she doesn't really want to do). But by difficult I mean unwillingness to participate not tantrums and meltdowns. I don't know what to do for the best at times.

How's your little boy's speech and communication now?

That really sounds like my DD again. She is very laid back and rarely has meltdowns, but she also doesn't like "no"! Her imaginative play was non existent but she has really grown in this area recently and does engage in practices sequences with baby dolls and creates little games with paw patrol figurines like rescuing them. She likes playing doctors too.

PDA was mentioned as something to keep an eye on at our NHS speech therapy, the speech therapist pointed it out as an example, she said to DD "can you brush the baby's hair?" And DD looked and then picked up the teddy and brushed the teddy instead. She said it's not like she didn't understand what was being asked but she thought the teddy looked more interesting.

Thanks @october77 It's something to look out for now you have alerted me to it.

Did you find your daughter became a little more affectionate as she got older?

My daughter did used to hug and kiss and sit up for books etc until recently. Probably not that long ago but when you are in the middle of it it feels like forever. As I say a new sibling and lots of lingering Winter viruses could be affecting things too.

Yes definitely. She's very affectionate now. We also have a new-ish younger sibling, she's just getting to the age now where she's starting to walk and I've found that has helped older DD with her development as she is now interested in engaging with her and playing certain games like chase games and peek a boo. She wasn't that fussed on her when she was very small but as she's become more interactive, she is more interested. Having a new sibling is so much change for any child even more so if ASD is involved, so she may just be feeling a little unsettled x

Thank you so much so for replies, I'm feeling a little more positive. I'm finding it very difficult at the moment and it probably is affecting my mental health.

I just need her communication to improve and hopefully that'll help things a lot. Ironically, trying to engage her and improve her communication is the one thing she doesn't want to do at the moment. Any tips for improving communication or was it not really an issue for you?

It was a huge issue! She used to hand guide and pull us to what she wanted. Now she can use basic language and gesture to get her needs met. It did come gradually but I think speech therapy has helped her a lot, she has done a weekly session for nearly a year now. NHS only gave us a block of 4 then discharged her, but we were able to get a weekly session through the speech therapist at her nursery. I have to say, this speech therapist was a huge support to me along with the nursery SENCO, she recommended a private paediatrician to get a diagnosis and has supported not only DD but also really listened to me and helped with my concerns. No one was really sure if she had ASD or not as she has what they call a 'spiky profile' but she took my concerns seriously. If you have anyone like this you can turn to them I'm sure they will be able to support both you and your DD.