DD (3) says she hates me

[Eurydice84]

DD (3, almost 4) has always been a Daddy's girl, often wanting to do activities with DH. Recently she has taken it to the next level, making hurtful comments such as "Mummy, I hate you". This is incredibly upsetting for obvious reasons. Not even sure where she learnt the word "hate"! I asked her why she says that, her answer was "you love Daddy, not me".

A bit of context: due to DH's snoring, I have sometimes slept in the spare bedroom and DD, waking up in the middle of the night, has come to sleep with me. After getting decent earplugs I stopped this routine and I feel DD might be saying hurtful things because she is upset. She keeps waking up every night wanting to sleep in the big bed and we are putting her back to sleep in her room.

I have justified her behaviour like this, but the truth is that I am feeling very sad. We had a wonderful bond when she was a baby and now she is only seeking DH and being mean to me.

More than likely it’s a phase. Mine did this too. I would say well I still love you even if you hate me. Very breezily. Then changed the subject. She really has no idea what she is saying.
She’s a child - you are her Mum - of course she loves you.

I really think this is totally normal. My DD is nearly 4 and tells me regularly I’m a stupid, mean, horrid mummy and she doesn’t love me any more if I say she can’t have any more chocolate buttons. Or similar! I just ignore it. If I react she loves it the cheeky thing.

She shows me she loves me by constantly wanting cuddles, stories, attention and telling me… if im in her good books of course 😂

Oh my daughter was like that around the same age! It was just a phase. She's 5 now and definitely a mummy's girl!

My son (also 3, nearly 4) has said a few times that he hates me. Again, no idea where he learnt the word. Although it hurts, I know he doesn’t mean it and I just tend to breeze past it rather than showing that it’s upset me because then he just says it more.

Never told me he hates me but my 4yo does occasionally tell me to go away because I'm annoying him which is always amusing! Hes also called me stupid and that he likes uncle better. Must feel incredibly hurtful however she won't understand what the word hate really means. Have you tried talking to her when she says it? If my son is upset or angry I usually ask him if he has big feelings, and we sit down and talk about solutions. Takes a bit of time but it eventually becomes normal and now he usually leads by telling me what he's feeling.

Regularly get 'I love Daddy, not you' from my 3 year old. She also told me the other day that I am a fat caterpillar, will not be wearing that green jumper again.

Try not to nurse it, she is unlikely to have any real concept of hate. I just say hmm let me check..oh yep still love you, so that's ok then. She's only little, ok sure she loves the bones of you really.

Ds1 would say this.
I'd answer "I love you too" and think nothing more of it.
It's just a stage

She's acting up with you because you're her safe person and she's jealous she doesn't get to sleep with you anymore. Have you tried explaining it to her? She might just not get it.

If it helps me 3yo told me she "doesn't love me" because I wouldn't take her to the park to feed the ducks and eat brownies because she had a tantrum and threw stones next to the car. I wouldn't take it personally. She's telling you she's upset with you but doesn't have the words to say exactly why. Don't let this development phase cloud your bond!

My daughter did this at that age. Now at 19 we commute together and part ways at an underground station where as she turns as corner she shouts across all the crowds I love you! She's 19 now.
I'd just brush it off tbh is a phase