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Original poster

Who here works full time with a two year old?

29 replies

percypig82 · 07/03/2023 20:27

I'm a single mother to a two year old and work full time. I just wondered how common this scenario is? Constantly thinking I'm wasting these precious years with my daughter by working full time and racked with mum guilt. Also be great to hear from other fellow single mums who work full time too. I'm 40 and think my little one will be my only child, hence why I'm over thinking this.

Also, if you do work full time I would love to know what you do! I work in media in a senior role, it's pretty full on. Just put my little one down and now going to eat and do freelance work as the nursery costs are crippling me!

Xxx

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Saturdaydreamingway2355555 · 07/03/2023 20:29

Emergency services - full time with a now 3 year old and 7 year old, worked full time since my eldest was 2 years old…. Went back off maternity leave after 6 months with my youngest full time, it’s a killer. Totally exhausted - full on job, incidentally had the exact same convo at work today - there’s more to life…. But at the moment things are expensive!

Original poster
percypig82 · 07/03/2023 20:38

@Saturdaydreamingway2355555 thanks for replying. I can't imagine the stress you're under with your job! Glad I'm not alone in my thinking... the government makes working so expensive (childcare costs) but you can't survive without working! But when you have little left over at the end of the month and the stress that comes with working (some much more stressful than others) you think what's the bloody
Point xxx

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eurochick · 07/03/2023 20:40

I went back full time after 6 months. It was tough and I'm not a single parent but I don't think it is that unusual. I know plenty of other women who have done it.

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BHRK · 07/03/2023 20:44

I’ve worked full time since after mat leave with all of mine. It is tough but it does get easier.
I do start early and finish early, or start late and finish late so I have a chink of time at either end of the day with DC. Could you do that? If you’re a single mum I’d keep to FT, you really will need the cash. Once nursery fees go in a few years you’ll really feel the benefit

Cameliasway · 07/03/2023 20:47

Mine is a bit older now but I have always been full time, on flexi time so only 4 work days, one day per week off with her. I loved it, brilliant having a nice day just the two of us. We also have the weekends and before and after nursery. I would have struggled with not working TBH, mat leave nearly finished me off. I am a professor at a UK university.

Codlingmoths · 07/03/2023 20:49

I have. Not currently, I’m back full time with a just turned 1 yo, 4 and 7yo. I’m misrepresenting the situation as my husband is on parental leave, but dc3 will be 15 months when he goes back full time too. Their childcare is a lovely environment.

Heatherbell1978 · 07/03/2023 20:55

2 DC (6 and 8) and I went back to my full time job when each was 1 year old. Personally I love working even though it can be a juggle. I don't feel like my kids ever lost out on my time when they were little; in fact they've learned to be independent and sociable both with adults and children as they spent the time at nursery. I have friends who can't put their kids in holiday clubs etc as their kids aren't used to being away from mum whereas mine do all sorts of activities and will easily go into holiday clubs mixing with adults and kids. To me these are very important life skills.

Original poster
percypig82 · 07/03/2023 21:05

@Cameliasway wow what an exciting job! I feel torn between this too. Can I ask what hours you do that allow you a four day week? Xxx

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percypig82 · 07/03/2023 21:05

@BHRK yes I keep thinking that when my little one starts school I'll regret giving up work xxx

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percypig82 · 07/03/2023 21:07

@Heatherbell1978 thanks for this positive post. At the moment I share every weekend with my child's dad but we will be moving to every other weekend. I think it's too much for her to be at nursery full time then moved from pillar to post over two days! She doesn't know if she's coming or going at the weekend xxx

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percypig82 · 07/03/2023 21:07

@Codlingmoths super mum! I salute you for working full time with three little ones xxx

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WeightoftheWorld · 07/03/2023 21:09

I know this isn't the same as you are a single parent, but dads almost always work full time and nobody bats an eyelid and they're not all worrying about it either. Just something to think about. Certainly my DH worked FT when our eldest was 2. Front line NHS healthcare professional.

Danikm151 · 07/03/2023 21:18

Single parent working full time Mon-Froday 9-5. We have quality time at the weekends and in the evenings before bed.
My son is almost 3 and it’s been 2 years since I’ve been back at work.

our routine works. He sees his dad every other weekend for 1 night so I do get some chill time( mostly spent on house work to be honest)

KeepingKeepingOn · 07/03/2023 21:49

I went back at 6 months with first 2 and 10 months with the 3rd. As others have said, it’s built independence and resilience in all 3.

I negotiated a 5 in 4 working pattern, so I get most Fridays off with my littlest who’s 2, and that’s worked out really well. We get to just potter and take the day at his pace, rather than it being dictated by siblings. I really treasure it 😊

qpmz · 07/03/2023 21:49

If you're unsure, can you work 4 days instead of 5? Yes your salary will be less but so will childcare. I do this and really love the extra day with my toddler. You can go back full time when they're in school.

qpmz · 07/03/2023 21:56

Can't their Dad have toddler for some of the time to save on childcare?

Cameliasway · 07/03/2023 22:00

percypig82 · 07/03/2023 21:05

@Cameliasway wow what an exciting job! I feel torn between this too. Can I ask what hours you do that allow you a four day week? Xxx

About 8.30am - about 4.30pm, four days per week, plus a few hours a few evenings per week to make up the lost time. I have become very, very efficient with time at work and strategically plan my workload so that mundane tasks are completed in the evening, and the other stuff in the days. Before the age of 3, she was also napping a few hours on our day off so I got work done then too.

WombatBombat · 07/03/2023 22:11

I have a two year old and work four days a week in a pretty full-on strategic projects role.

I do two days in the office 9-5, and two longer days at home 8.30-5.30 and never really take lunch. I definitely end up working more than I’m paid to do!

It’s a lovely balance for me, plus I have Wednesdays off so neither of us are ever more than two days away from a day off.

MGee123 · 07/03/2023 22:25

18 month old back full time since she was 7 month, busy demanding job with some extra weekend work. First 6-8 months was a nightmare with sickness and adjusting but it's better now. We have good (but extortionate) childcare arrangements and I protect my time off work to spend with her and plan social/leisure stuff when she is asleep. She's happy at nursery and we have a lovely relationship. She eats well, sleeps well and seems to be developing perfectly normally. Communication is advanced for her age. Obviously normal toddler behavioural stuff so not all sunshine and roses but I'd argue with anyone who told me that by working full time I'm doing her harm. Importantly I am also happy with being able to fulfil role as mum and that of my career (albeit exhausted)! I constantly feel like I'm dropping balls and rarely feel on top of things like I did pre-her, but on balance i think I'd prefer this than not having my full time working role.

Aintnosupermum · 07/03/2023 22:29

I have 3 children, 2 with autism. I work full time in a junior executive leadership role. I’m one of very few women (3 of us) in a sea of men.

Im divorced and daddy insisted he have 50/50 so I gave it to him and hold him to it. I get every other week to drive my career.

Jadviga · 07/03/2023 23:27

I have two kids, 4yo and 2yo. Have always worked full time aside from a 4month mat leave (standard in my country).

I work in international relations (it's a very administrative job, lots of paperwork, but I really enjoy it).

Honestly, I mean obviously being a single parent I have to work, but I would choose to even if I didn't have to. I love my kids but felt like mat leave was very isolating and boring. I was glad to go back to work and interact with adults. I feel like it's important to have a life outside my kids and our time together is much better quality time when it's not all day long. A year mat leave or more would not have worked for me (but I appreciate that it can and does work for others).

DoesItHaveKosovo · 08/03/2023 00:19

Yes with a now 3 year old, also in a senior media role. Was back at work after 7 months, both for money reasons and loving my job reasons but also because I think daycare is good for my child’s social skills. Having time to myself for work (and a bit of a rest) makes me look forward to our days together as quality time.

IneedcoffeeinanIV · 08/03/2023 00:22

I went back part time with DD1 until she was 4 then I was back full time. I'm about to go back full time from maternity leave with DD2 and she'll be 8 months. I'd much rather be part time so I can spend some extra time with her but sadly needs must ☹️

penpit · 08/03/2023 05:26

I worked full time after dc turned 6 months. Dads go back to work all the time but do they have birth injuries to deal with or have dealt with. Did they breastfeed or suffer from PND? Did they do most of the night feeds during maternity leave and only then go back to work. Urgh the 'men do it all the time' posts must come from mothers who had a dream time of it after their dc were born because imo the physical impact of giving birth and dealing with the hormones alone is incomparable to a man magically swanning back to work after the birth of their dc.

I am now pt and a lot poorer for it but it depends on your job. I didn't really see my dc from Monday to Friday when I was working as I had a long commute.

Seasonofthewitch83 · 08/03/2023 10:55

My DD has been in nursery 9-5pm M-F since she was a year old. Its a brilliant nursery and I know she has a brilliant time there - all sorts of activities I could never do at home (and tbh she probably wouldnt try!)

I never feel guilty - I am earning a living and having my own time as an adult is important to me.

I am lucky in the sense that she currently doesnt sleep until 9pm so I still feel like i spend time with her in the evening, although she has started dropping naps so evening time is shortened.

Whenever I feel like we need it, I book a days holiday and keep her off nursery for us to have a quality day together.

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