For those of you with 3 children - would you recommend it or advise against it?

[clairebear899]

My partner and I are trying to decide wether or not to have one last baby.

For those of you with 3, please give me your most honest advise. Has it been great for you or would you not recommend?

I have 3 boys now 17, 15 and 11 and on the whole it's been great. The first few years were full on but since the youngest turned 4ish is been great fun with the 3 of them. I was a Sahm until youngest was 5 I think it would have been stressful if I had of been working then. They generally get on really well and having three meant lots of fun and laughter They always had someone to play with.

It's a lot easier going from 2-3 than from 1-2.

My 3rd is nearly 12 and really loving and funny, also incredibly insightful. He's also really close to DC 2 and their relationship was probably the reason that lockdown was really not a problem for them. DC1 and 2 used to be close but when she was 8 or 9 she naturally gravitated away from her little brother and towards her friends, and DC3 was right there ready to jump into the gap ☺️

I could never regret DC3 but will be the first to admit his babyhood was very hard - I thought I was "good at" babies as dc1 and 2 were easy - slept pretty well, easy to wean, easy to toilet train age 2. It was even more exhausting to fit around a child at preschool and one who started school when he was a few months old because inevitably he'd finally settle into a deep sleep exactly when we needed to leave the house, so I could never doze or snuggle with the older two and cbeebies to catch up after broken nights.

People say a third "fits right in" but although mine was always very portable and happy when awake, his non sleeping ways and complete lack of interest in solid food or potty training taught me that actually I'd just been lucky with dc1 and 2 and didn't have a clue 🤣🤣🤣

I went from 1 to 3 when my twins arrived. My oldest DS is 12 and my DS and DD are 7. I'd say the sleepless nights are definitely harder the older you get. And depending on your DCs ages, fitting 3 car seats along can be an issue, we had to buy a bigger car. But really, if you both want a 3rd you definitely should!

I love having 3 over the years it has had its challenges however I am finding the teenage years the trickiest. Logistically, financially and emotionally.

So far, wonderful. 3rd was a surprise, not planned and in all honesty I wasn't best pleased. Since she's arrived she's been a ray of sunshine and has made our family feel so full of love. Total chaos but I'm happier than I've ever been.

I would have been extremely happy with 1 or 2, there's benefits of every size of family but my 3 feel like a massive blessing.

Btw I work part time, have family and paid support/childcare and we have no money worries. And my DH isn't a complete nobber. I'd say those things were all important to helping me get by.

There were the odd times when I felt spread a bit too thinly (3 different school runs due to age gap, 3 lots of one on one time when 1 child was going through a ‘needy phase’ etc) but on the whole it was mostly fine and enjoyable for my personal circumstances.

Financially, we were fine in terms of big enough house/car/budget for extra mouth and all that comes with.

Of course I love my three children to pieces but I do feel spread a bit too thin and it is more expensive - especially for trips and days out. We now have to have two hotel rooms on holiday, always the biggest hire car, can’t all fit in a normal taxi etc. Definitely fewer people volunteering to babysit.

Some people have a third who is very chilled out, I have a crazy, loveable, but very intense third child and they really shifted the dynamic of the family - not all in positive ways.

Although it is chaotic and loud it’s also lots of fun, there is always someone around, and they have a great time together.

I have three grown up DC and I’ve really enjoyed it, luckily they were all really good sleepers so that helped.
They all get on very well so I’m very lucky.
We were fortunate to move from a four bedroom to five bedroom house when the youngest just turned one so space has never been an issue. I don’t know if I would have enjoyed having three as much if I lived in very small property.

Obviously love her to bits now she’s here and wouldn’t be without her. BUT for various reasons I won’t go into life would be much easier with 2 rather than 3 and k would advise someone else to think more with their head than their heart. Not least financially.

I only ever planned 2.
Turns out my 2nd DC was very poorly from birth, resulting in a very traumatic event when he was a few weeks old. I was very mentally unwell as a direct result of that for a few years afterwards. I fell accidentally pregnant with DC3 during that time.
I was utterly terrified. In all honesty, other than necessary medical appointments, I didn’t really acknowledge the pregnancy at all - because when I did, all I could think about is having another baby as poorly as DC2 was and it utterly terrified me.
But when she was born, healthy and perfect, it was like all my dark thoughts just left. She quite literally saved me from myself. She’s our absolute sunshine 🥰 She slotted into the family as if she’d always been there, her 2 older siblings literally worship the ground she walks on and it’s the most beautiful thing to watch.
Practically speaking, we had to get a bigger car, but other than that, if you’re already used to juggling 2 kids, an extra one doesn’t really make all that much difference in the day to day respect. DC3 was definitely a very happy “oops” 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

And definitely only go ahead if your DP is hands on and supportive and your relationship is solid.

I found the exact opposite of what @Almostwelsh said. Going from 1-2 was a breeze but 2-3 has somewhat broken me. I must emphasise it really does depend on the children, you don’t know what you’re going to get especially during those very challenging toddler years. My eldest was a smooth toddler, middle child is a terror and youngest is yet to show her true colours.

I have found since going from 2-3 there has been less free time overall, if me or partner goes out then one kid will go with, we are basically outnumbered now. Our lives revolve around the kids and I’ve completely lost my identity.

Routines are different due to age gaps and due to individual needs of each child. We are constantly juggling house chores, childcare, pick ups and drop offs etc.

I am not ashamed to say I’m struggling and I really didn’t know it would be as hard as it is. When we decided to try for number 3, our middle child was not too bad, quite calm and chilled. As soon as number 3 arrived the middle child has been a terror.

The thing is you can only predict it to a certain degree, you just don’t know what challenges the future will throw at you so be realistic and a hands on partner is what will make all the difference in my opinion x

We have twin 1y year olds a 2 year old and a 13 and tbh not been a problem for us we love our kids and 1 or 4 it's all the same happy chaos lol

i have 3 as my 2nd and last baby was twins! Wouldn’t have had 3 out of choice and although its different as 2 of mine are the same age, same stage its harder as most things are set up for families of 4…cars have less room in the back, most hotel rooms only let 2 kids in so we need 2 and its all more expensive. One is “left out” say at theme parks going on the rides etc. it’s a personal choice though my friend has 3 as both her and her husband are one of 3 and liked it.

my husband is one of 3 and hated it and i only have one sister i don’t get along with so wanted more than one sibling so initially wanted 4 lol then when we had my oldest genuinely considered an only child then went for a 2nd i did want a 4th to even it out (as we need 2 hotel rooms anyway) but in the end with 3 healthy kids i didnt want to push my luck! I also know someone with 2 sets of twins so that also put us off.

Thanks for all of the responses, it's interesting to hear everybody's experiences and the pros/cons