Anxious About Residential Trip.

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My DS is in year 1, so this doesn't really apply to him yet but some of the older kids in above years have gone on a residential trip and the thought of this fills me with dread.

I can't imagine him going and leaving me and the thought of it is giving me tummy ache as I'm typing.

I know it's ridiculous as it's a good few years away yet but how will I over come this once I'm faced with it.

Anyone else the same?

My child went away sure I missed them but I put it perspective and didn't want them to miss out because of issues I had and I thought all the amazing fun they would have

Think of it as not being about you but them

I would never want him to miss out but the thought of worrying about him is just too much 🤯

I guess it's all part of them growing up and having too let go, something which I'm already not too good with 🥺

You will overcome it because you love your son and you won't want your own anxiety to limit his opportunities in life.

Honestly, my dd is 17 and I still feel really anxious about a lot of the stuff that she does. She is currently planning a trip overseas with her friends at the end of her A-levels. It fills me with fear but that's totally my issue and I'm absolutely not going to let that stop her from living a full and rich life full of exciting experiences.

I moved abroad for a year myself at 18, half way across the world. I think my mum was sick with worry at the time but I will be eternally grateful to her for not letting that anxiety get in my way. It was the best year of my life!!

It's tough, but parenting is a process of letting go. It is scary to let them gradually develop their independence, but that's our job as parents and we owe it to them to let them flourish. That doesn't stop you from feeling anxious, of course. It just reminds you that you need to contain your anxiety for the benefit of your child.

Residential trips help children to mature and cope with change / new situations. They benefit greatly from the experience
It is important that you don’t put your worries into your child - our job is to give our children wings to fly with.
Residential trips are planned in detail and the staff put a lot of effort into it all - they will also explain all of that nearer the time

Its a safe way to help your child develop, learn and shine

In a way, I think it's the greatest act of parental love...waving them off cheerily because you know they will have a fantastic time, while you're secretly dying inside!

As a pp said, this is not about us. It's about them. They deserve to enjoy every opportunity in life, and we can't let our emotions put obstacles in their way.

I'm not sure I could hold it together so would probably have to stay at home.

I wouldn't want to embarrass him and my self at the school gates 🥺

You have to remember you aren’t sending your 5/6 year old you are sending an older child who will be older and much more able to cope and thrive

That's one way of looking at it that I hadn't thought about.

Thank you 😊

I get that you feel like that now. But you will hold it together for the sake of your child. If you want to be a decent parent, you have to find a way of getting a handle on this.

It's actually amazing how much control you can find over your emotions when your child's wellbeing is at stake. And what your child really needs in that moment when they're setting off on their first adventures is a cheery, supportive, positive parent waving them off, looking confident that they're going to be OK so that they have confidence themselves that it's all going to be fine.

Maybe you're not ready for it yet, but hopefully you will be.

Yes you are not ready because he isn’t ready. But he will be. You will still worry because that is normal. DD is 14 and will be doing 2 DodE expedition before the summer and I will worry but I know she will be fine and trust the system in place.

and you won’t be alone in how you feel

I feel the same. My DC is in year 2 so age 7 and at the end of this year they have a 1 night/2 day 'residential' that is very local but they are still all so small and I'm worried about the night time. What if they are anxious/have a nightmare/wet the bed...

If they do - and they probably won't! - then they will deal with it and learn that it wasn't actually the end of the world. That they can manage things for themselves in an age appropriate way. That there are other people around them to support them when they need it.

If you're worried, maybe channel that anxiety into building up your dc's resilience and problem solving skills so that you know they will be able to cope with whatever transpires.

But your child will be older. He will be different and you will be different. You will feel differently, sure you may still be nervous but nothing like if he was going at this age.

This is a bit like saying “I can’t imagine my child not living with me” and getting upset about it. Well of course not, now now, but one day when they are an adult presumably you will be fine with it!

Why are you worrying about things that won’t happen for years?

By the time it comes around you will be glad if the few days freedom and peace. Don't judge his or your ability to manage this now, he is very young still.

I can't say that I ever felt like that when dd went away. But I agree with not judging now how things will be at the time.

At our school, the class teachers and TAs go on the trip too so the children have familiar adult faces there too, and the centre staff at the residential my DCs have been on were all so nice and friendly. They had night staff to monitor any issues or upsets and they were well trained in dealing with all sorts of things, it's literally their business to anticipate and deal with common occurrences with children, like bedwetting or upsets, keep the children safe and make sure every one of them has a good time.

I was worried too before my first DC did a school residential but they were thrilled at sharing a room with their friends and did so many fun activities they were tired out anyway by night. Also the food was very good - in terms of what children want, if not parents! Pizza, hotdogs, chips, fun cereals, ice creams etc (dietary requirements taken into account for individuals of course). As it's only for a couple of days it's fine. It's not

Does your child do an overnight sleepover with close relatives? That can be a way into preparing both of you for longer trips.

My old school used to build up to the big Y6 trip by doing one night school movie night sleepovers (come back to school in the evening , fed and already in pj, movie, hot chocolate, picked up at 8.00 the next morning) they then graduated to two day tented camping at a dedicated site, so by the time the big one came round they were confident and ready to go.

Coming from it the other way... my DD is in one of the year groups that didn't get a proper residential trip. I'm feeling sorry for her when she sees her younger sister go next year!

I miss her when she's at Scout camp. But look forward to her getting home and telling me about it!!

I can't say that I ever felt like that when dd went away.

I was putting a lighthearted spin on it ffs. Not suggesting we should all celebrate when our DC are away. That said, if you didn't manage to appreciate a little break, maybe that's an issue for you?

Your child won't be small forever. As they get older they need as people to get some freedom and that your not always beside them. Also you need to teach them how to do things for themselves like tidying up, cooking, cleaning ect. They will need these skills as adults and when they leave home.
As they get older they won't always want their mammy their either.
I think allowing kids to go on trips like scouts ect is good for them. They are well organised and gives the kids chances to do and learn extra skills. It also helps them to develop social skills and friendships.

I have seen what not letting kids have some freedom and letting them grow up does long term. I know adults that have very poor social skills, have hardly any friends and are still stuck at home despite being well into adulthood. I know adults that can hardly look after themselves as mammy does everything for them. I also know adults that seem to think that staying at home in bed and being on benefits is ok because over the years mammy did everything for them.

Also for your own sake you need to have your own interests and time away from your child for you as a person and your own mental health. This does not make you a bad mother but you can't mind other people unless you look after yourself.

I have mild anxiety and can sometimes have a tendency to worry about things that can be years away or things that might not ever happen.