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Parenting

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Original poster

8 month old doesn’t like being babysat by grandparents

12 replies

Jeslubur · 07/03/2023 06:22

Hi everyone,

I’m just looking for a bit of advice / see if anyone is in the same boat as me!

I’m self employed and have been working around my little girls naps / routines since she was a few months old. She is now almost 8 months.

For the past couple of months my parents have been looking after her one day a week with a view that I can try and get a bit of work done.

Unfortunately it’s not been very successful so far and she just seems to cry, scream and be very unhappy whenever they’re looking after her.

I’ve only left the house for an hour or so, usually I’m working in the dining room whilst they look after her… but when she’s so unhappy i find it impossible not to come in and calm her down.

Some times they take her out for a walk, but she will always return home screaming… and often they’ll say she’s been in a state for a good 30 mins.

I should add that she is usually a very happy baby… very rarely cries and only ever seems upset when she is with them. She’s also absolutely fine when my husbands mum babysits her. 🤦‍♀️

It doesn’t help that she’s breastfed still and not keen on a bottle so I think she is very reliant on me.

It’s getting to a point now where I’m finding it very frustrating as I can’t get any work done, and my parents are taking it personally. Its all came to a-head and we almost had a falling out about it as they’re both getting upset about it now.

my business is a wedding florist, so I’m about to enter my super busy period so need to be able to crack it in the next month or so :(

Has anyone else experienced the same? And if so how did you manage it?

Thank you and sorry for the long post!!

OP posts:

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Switchwitch · 07/03/2023 06:25

It's because its one day a week. So 6 days of not seeing them is a long time for her life to then be shaken up again by being left with them for a day. If you did three mornings a week it might work better. Or more full days per week.

I'd also recommend ditching bottles if she doesn't really take one and move to a cup.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/03/2023 06:30

Yeah it’s the one day, plus that you’re there.

Soapnotshowergel · 07/03/2023 06:33

Can they take her to their house? Both of my two struggle if they know I'm there (if I'm sick or getting ready to go out) whereas if they're at the GPs house they usually get on with it. Both of ours have a toy box full of stuff we don't have, maybe she's not as interested right now but the novelty of different toys can help.

She might take a bottle or cup if you're definitely not an option.

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spelunky · 07/03/2023 06:33

Can they come round a bit more regularly? I think she is not comfortable because it's happening so infrequently. She needs regular contact to build a stronger bond with them.

Coffeeandcrocs · 07/03/2023 06:59

It's also key separation anxiety phase. I agree that once a week then not seeing them at all for six days PLUS you're still there isn't s good combo.

Original poster

Jeslubur · 07/03/2023 07:22

The problem is they don’t live very close, so I can’t just pop round to see them for an hour or so.

She spends a day with my mother in law once a week and is fine with her, exactly the same set up, etc which I don’t understand…

I’ll be leaving LO with my parents for at least 3 hours this week so we’ll see how that goes!

And I’ll try and see if we can organise more regular meets ups.

OP posts:

Cyclistmumgrandma · 07/03/2023 07:44

Good luck! We had DGD for the first time overnight recently. She is eight months and constantly looking for Mum or Dad when we hold her if they are around. We had her for about 24 hours and we, and her Mum and Dad, were all very nervous as to how it would go. She settled quite quickly after her parents left for their night away. She played, smiled and enjoyed our afternoon walk, and slept 7 until 7. Unsurprisingly DH and I got little sleep listening out for her! We were all surprised by the difference not having Mum and Dad in the house made. And yes, we sent regular photos & videos to her parents so they knew how it was going.

Switchwitch · 07/03/2023 09:33

Are you working where she can see you? Can you work out of the way so your parents can pretend you've gone out?

Original poster

Jeslubur · 10/03/2023 06:42

So I left her with them for 3 and a half hours (she also had a play date with them on Monday where she just cried)

she started to cry within 10 mins of them being here, and I don’t think she really stopped. We were all together for an hour before I left, and eventually I just had to leave them to it.

she didn’t eat anything whilst I was away because she must’ve been so upset the she wouldn’t go in her high chair. They said they couldn’t really play with her because she just cried if she was put on the floor. They then put her in her crib for a nap but they ignored everything about the routine I told them and ultimately she then didn’t sleep.

the problem is they also lie to me and say that she was fine, or they find excuses as to why she was upset. She genuinely is a super happy baby so I just don’t know what happens when she’s with them. They’re super anxious people so I think she’s picking up on it.

im getting to my wits end now and I’m finding it really draining. It’s affecting my relationship with my parents so I want to ask them to stop looking after her, but my mum will take it personally and become really difficult.

feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place!

OP posts:

Crimsonripple · 10/03/2023 06:50

I'm sorry to say this but I think the problem is you being there and popping in to comfort her. You need to be out of the house and away. Then she has no excuse but to get on with it. It'll be easier all round if you left them to it.

Crimsonripple · 10/03/2023 06:52

You're also trying to control the situation. Let them do what they want with her and find ways to make it better. You're, with the best of intentions as you don't want it to be hard for anyone, making the situation worse. Trust me I've been here and when I just took myself out of the equation everything was fine.

Switchwitch · 10/03/2023 07:52

Being there for the first hour is a huge mistake. You need to hand over, walk out the door and not be seen until the end of your working day.

And your routine is your routine, not their routine. Let them get on with it. And if you're not happy with that then organize a nursery or childminder because the issues will only get worse and worse.

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