Overwhelming anxiety and fear FTM

[babypanther]

I’m a FTM to my beloved DD, she is almost two weeks old and I’m really struggling with overwhelming anxiety. I want to preface by saying I have always been an anxious person and used to suffer from GAD, I was put on citalopram for this some years ago and haven’t struggled with it much since then and am still taking he antidepressants.

When DD was first born I was constantly checking her breathing when she slept, it’s progressively got worse to the point now I can barely sleep at a night and feel like I’m constantly on the verge of having a panic attack.

I can’t stop crying and worrying about the thought of something happening to her. I had a C section and unfortunately my recovery hasn’t been very good, I developed an infection and have been struggling to move and even to carry DD so DH is having to look after her almost 24/7. DD isn’t sleeping very well at night, so DH has been sleeping in the spare room with her and doing the night feeds/changes so that I can rest, but this also fills me with such fear and I struggle with being away from her.

I constantly worry that something will happen to her in the night and DH will be asleep and not know - or I hear her cough or grumble in her sleep in the other room and I can feel my blood run cold. I’ve spent days in tears and DH is reassuring me that he is doing everything to look after her and I have nothing to worry about but I just can’t control it. I’m considering buying one of the owlet monitors, I know they’re a lot of money but I genuinely don’t know how I can carry on feeling like this, DH and my parents and in laws have all warned me I am making myself ill but I can’t help worrying about my daughter, she’s the most precious and wonderful thing in my life and I’m terrified of something happening to her.

Does anyone have any similar experience? When did it start getting better? Can my health visitor help or my GP? As I’m already on antidepressants I don’t know what else they can do.

Hi op, postpartum anxiety is very real and you've just described it in a nutshell. It's completely normal, happens to mums who have never had issues with anxiety before and is just part of how your body is reacting to the huge thing its been through and the huge waves of hormones. Your little one is only 2 weeks old and you're recovering from major surgery so you're still very much in the early days and it sounds like you're a wonderfully caring mother. I would speak to your midwife as there is specialist postnatal support for this and they'll be even more used to supporting mums through this than the gp will be although you can talk to your gp too. It may be a short term prescription, might be counselling but they will offer you some support and you can discuss with them what you feel might help too. Do you need to be away from her at night, it maybe wouldn't help but I do rest better when I know ds is in the next to me beside me. I absolutely get the moments of, is he breathing (hand on the chest to check then panicking he'll wake up), but it settles me being able to do that. What you're describing is common and absolutely normal but you don't need to suffer with it so please ask your midwife and be really honest with exactly what you're feeling- the more they know the better they can make plans with you. And just be gentle with yourself- it's a big jump having a baby and it feels like a huge responsibility and that love can feel very scary but it does get less overwhelming.

Congratulations on your baby. I am also cuddling my newborn now. I bought a Lullaby Trust recommended breathing monitor for my first baby because the anxiety started building during pregnancy, due to a second trimester loss the year before.

I was breastfeeding but not co-sleeping and the monitor helped me cope. It went off once and she was diagnosed with a respiratory condition so it was very reassuring actually and allowed me to sleep knowing it would go off. My husband and I also did a paediatric first aid course including resuscitation.

Now I have a newborn again I'm experiencing similar feelings but know they will settle. I describe it that way because for me, the feeling of anxiety that something will happen never 100% goes and it's part of my experience of motherhood.

Congratulations!

Try and sleep more in the daytime when your little one is zzzzz. I felt lack of sleep made me more anxious.

Also I had them in a cot by me - by my bed so I could keep pepping at them maybe every hr 😬

Maybe your partner and baby needs to move in the room so your all together so at least you can see the baby in the night. Then you might feel more calm?

Also I'd go back to the dr to check anti bios are working. That's the worse if it isn't and strong pain killers. But maybe you should make a Gp apt anyways.

Good luck!

Whilst your overnight setup in theory sounds ideal for you being able to get some rest after your surgery it's going against your natural instinct as a new mother to want your baby near you so you can check on her and reassure yourself she's ok. This is absolutely normal behaviour. I'd suggest moving her back into your room with your partner so you're near her, even if he gets up and does the feeds you'll be reassured she's OK. With the kindest will in the world you don't need a breathing monitor (they go off all the time for no reason). It's normal to feel overwhelmed when you first become a mum and with all the trauma of how she got into the world its understable to feel anxious. Id see how you feel in a week or so after you've moved her back to your room and hopefully have recovered a bit more, then if you're still over worrying talk to your GP.. Pills dont fix everything maybe you need some talking therapy (said from a very anxious mum!)

There’s already some great advice on this thread. Tell your GP, midwife or whoever is your medical contact( I’m not in UK so don’t know who you access) how low and distressed you are. I’ve experienced the same many years ago and I didn’t have to contend with having had a cesarean also. Best wishes OP.

I felt low and anxious every time I was away from my newborns, even when they slept in the Moses basket.

As soon as I held them I felt better. Used a sling after that.

I'm still not sure, to this day, if holding them removed my anxiety/low mood or not holding them created it. I just remember my dh saying "do what you need to do". So I did.