DD 7 years old - how can I help her be a bit more robust - any ideas or books to read?

[LadyPenelope]

My dd is 7 and has a good circle of friends from school, our neighbourhood etc. She's quite sociable and easy going. We moved country about 6 months ago and she has done brilliantly at getting a new circle of friends. I know she misses her old friends too - some of them she had since birth. It's also the end of mid term break here and she is probably tired after a few late nights, so possibly more sensitive than usual. Anyway, that's the background - now for the question ... how can I help her cope better when things don't go well.

For instance - she had friend over today. Friend wanted to colour, DD wanted to play a game, so they negotiated that they would colour first and then play the game. After the colouring, friend changed her mind and wandered off to watch TV instead. DD then burst into tears of despair at how unfair it was.

Or yesterday, her closest friend said that because she didn't have her roller blades on, then DD had to take off her roller blades too. Again, tears of despair because that wasn't fair. They were playing outside so no reason her friend had the say so about what DD should do.

Then at bedtime last night DD was in tears because a number of friends have noticed a freckle/mole on her face and remarked on it - she says they were laughing. I don't know the real context to this and other than one friend she couldn't think of anyone else who said it although she said there were others.

I want her to be happy and develop a slightly thicker skin to deal with things when they are a bit tough. I also want her to continue to be the easy going person that she is - without being a push over or crying when things go wrong. Any ideas of how to handle it in discussion with her or any books to read? I'm not even sure what I should tell her she should say in these situations!

Thanks!

There's a book called "The Unwritten Rules of Friendship" - haven't read it myself but have seen it recommended on here a few times....

Thanks GrapefruitMoon, will check that one out.

Anyone else?

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My dd is 5 and is very sensitive. She cries over all sorts of little things like if she's been in a dream world and been procrastinating over getting dressed etc, if I then talk very sharply at her, she'll get all upset about the voice I used. She's been upset by things her friends have said - sometimes it's tears of frustration because of the injustice in it or because they won't listen to her or keep running off. I want her to be able to not get upset and be a bit more robust, but then maybe she'd be like one or two of her friends (the ones that upset her!) and I don't think that's a good alternative either.

I think that although it's hard to watch them, they will toughen up but in their own time/way. In the meantime, I just try to talk it through with her, and give her self confidence. Heartbreaking though.

Thanks Wishingchair. I know what you meant about not wanting to change your dd. I feel the same way, and I want to help her cope with it better. I just don't want her to think crying is a solution. It seems like a helpless response and I want to give her something which puts her more in control - only advice I can come up with is that she ignore anything like this (my Mum's advice when I was a kid but never made me feel better.)