Two under two...

[Cluelessfirstimer]

I have an amazing 8 month old boy and have just discovered I'm pregnant again. Total accident- our stupid fault thinking one time we would be "ok"

I dont know what to do. Our first baby was a bit of a miracle so this has blown me out of the water.

I've always wanted two children but can I actually do this? How do I tell work? I've just gone back.

Not looking for answers - only I can answer what I'm going to do but looking for advice from mums who have had two this close in age. How do/did you cope

Had a "high needs" first baby. Then at 10 months found I was pregnant as didnt sleep from worrying for honestly 3 weeks. And was super anxious about having 2 of these tiny tyrants all pregnancy. Actually (sleep deprivation aside) not too bad. Focus was wearing out number 1 enough so genuinely did doze off as feeding number 2 just after lunch as knew sleep was a bug trigger for me. Mat leave wasn't all baby class then cafe as I kind of had to prioritise and be a bit selfish to survive. Put number 1 in preschool once they were 2 and that helped ease some guilt/enough time to do some calm time weaning etc.
Honestly I'd do it again as I did. You'll cope and be rewarded with two best pals. (Do remember thinking oh god whats the time this day is so long, when number 2 was 8 weeks old, and realising it was 10am....but think it was the hardest part - beyond the newborn I'm asleep all day and not old enough to like a play mat)

Two humans needing all your attention at the same us a guilt inducing head fuck but ultimately absolutely doable and they thrive off each other/you decide who's needs benefit most and what's fair etc

Good luck x

Congrats! DC1 was 10 months when we conceived DC2 so 19 month gap. I have a 2 year old and 8m old currently. The beginning was a total but beautiful change for us. Adjusting to managing the needs of two children, worrying about getting the balance right. But something just clicks and you naturally become able to manage without that anxiety/mum guilt. I often find the best way to go about the day is to prioritise needs over wants e.g if dc1 is crying because he doesn’t like the snack he’s been given but baby is crying because overtired I will
focus on baby first. Yes, this may mean toddler tantrums more than he would have done if he was an only child but he’s also learning important life lessons about sharing and slowly accepting he can’t have my constant undivided attention.

My advice based on my experience would be to make an arrangement with a grandparent or a nursery for dc1 to have a day with them. This means you feel like they’ve had more one to one time, you’ve had more one to one time with baby and it’s a nice opportunity to get caught up on a few little jobs (but do accept, a tidy house may not be on the cards for a little while)😅now my second suggestion and no intention to influence your feeding plans and might not even be relevant if you aren’t bfing but I have found mixed feeding to be massively helpful second time round as meant I could still put my dc1 to bed, go off and have some one to one time with him. But honestly, they will never know life without each other. You’re getting all your sleep deprivation out the way and the love they have for each other is just heart melting.

Congratulations OP. Scary isn’t it?

im 4 and a half months pregnant with an almost 1 year old.

the day I went back to work I had to tell them I was pregnant. They were shocked but nice about it and very accommodating.

this was planned but still, didn’t expect it to happen as fast as it did.

we now need to find a bigger place to live pretty much asap! But trying not to get myself stressed as I know everything will work out!

good luck and go easy on yourself. It’s a massive life change x

I have a similar gap. It’s hard work but do-able and I’d do it again if I had my time over. They are both in early high school now and it’s great. You will be absolutely fine.

Following - just found out I’m 5 weeks pregnant and my DS is only 3 months old, I feel so so stupid

Similar situation OP. First took a few years to conceive but the second very surprisingly quick. Just over 15 months between my two.

Went back to work pregnant and had 5 months before 2nd mat leave. I just had to make my peace with that and anyone else's opinion on it didn't matter. Two DC was always the ideal so it doesn't really matter if the mat leaves are back to back or years apart. I'm back for the second time now and it works for me to be able to get back into my career knowing there won't be more long periods off.

Not going to sugar coat it but it was hard work at first. Two little people, neither of which could properly tell you what was wrong difficult. Things got easier as the oldest spoke more and the youngest started napping properly. We were lucky enough to be able to keep DS in nursery 2 days a week which meant that he had that time fully occupied and stimulated and I had some one on one time with DD (and the sofa!).

On the plus side you will still be in the throws of nappies and interrupted sleep so you just kind of power on through. The best few months were when they both had an afternoon nap at the same time so I got time for a hot cup of tea and some quiet time. Double buggy was a godsend to get them both out for some fresh air everyday.

Mine are nearly 3 and 1.5 now and just starting to see the glimpses of playing together and some of the benefits of having two close together. Main downside at the moment is the eye watering nursery costs but that will start coming down when funded hours start for the oldest in September.

I did 3 under 2 - always joked what's one more to mix having started with twins. You'll find your groove

Had my 2nd 15 months after my first. Actually loved that age gap more than the two years I had between 2 and 3 and 3 and 4 . You’ll be fine!

My 2 are 15 months apart. My first cried all the time. My second was a much easier baby. I’m grateful I had them that way round as it wasn’t as bad as I was worried it would be.

There will be difficult days. But honestly your second is so much easier as you know what to do more. I adopted the attitude that I’d deal with problems when they occurred for DD2 whereas with DD1 I was constantly second guessing myself that I was going to cause them (eg dummies). Also I had to leave DD2 to cry as a baby for longer than DD1 as there were times that I just couldn’t get to her straight away (eg dealing with DD1s poo). Rather than this being a bad thing I’d get to DD2 to find she’d settled herself for another sleep.

3 things make a massive difference - does your husband/partner share duties 50/50, do you have family help, and can you afford to keep your first in childcare (even if it’s only a few hours a couple of times a week) when you have your second? If you can answer yes to at least 2 it’ll make it much easier but even if you can’t you’ll manage (I was a no on all 3!)

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply ❤️ unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. I had heavy bleeding last night and went to the early pregnancy unit where they confirmed i was having a miscarriage. Slightly upset this evening but I guess my body just wasn't ready.

I'm ok - just need some time out to process.

Wonderful to hear all of you smashed it with 2 under 2, and if fate allows it and we have two I feel much confident I would be able to do it.

I was in the same situation as you last year. I found out I was pregnant when my DD was 10 months. We found out 2 weeks before I was due back to work and made the decision that I would not go back and be a SAHM for their early years (not everyone's choice!)
DS was born 5 weeks early on Christmas Day and I hadn't mentally prepared myself for his arrival that soon (sounds stupid I know).
He's now 11 weeks old and my DD is 19 months.
It is tough, some days are easier than others and the days/nights that are hard are really hard.
Luckily our DD sleeps well at night but her 1 nap is currently out in the car because she will no longer settle at home and I just find it easier to take them in the car. Plus I get a bit of time to myself in the daytime.
Definitely get yourself a sling/carrier because this is a godsend at the moment. Also a decent bouncer/rocker for when they do let you put them down.
You will likely be in a different situation if you stay working as your eldest will probably stay in nursery while you are on mat leave but having them both at home together is not the easiest while we're in the first few months of DS being born. I'm sure it will get easier.
The house is constantly a bomb site but there's no dirty dishes or laundry and I am making dinners everyday for when DP gets home (plus breakfasts and lunches for DD) so I try to ignore toys and chaos in the rooms for now because there is only so much I can do in the day with both.

@Cluelessfirstimer omg, I'm sorry. I just read your update!

Sorry to hear that happened, hope you're ok x

Thinking of you op ❤️

Oh OP. I’m so sorry ❤️