I feel awful even typing this, but I don’t like my six year old, and I feel like our bond is hanging by a thread.
His behaviour at the minute is SO testing. He is rude, back chats, argumentative, defiant, nasty to siblings, self absorbed, snarls, grits his teeth when talking, constantly negative, just an all round pain in the arse.
The problem though, is me. When he behaves like this I find it really triggering. I end up being nasty to him, and my mouth spouts before my brain has engaged. I tell him I don’t like being in his company, he’s naughty, I end up almost growl shouting back at him through my own gritted teeth (telling him off for behaviours I’m then displaying!), even when I’m telling him off, he continues to argue back at me and must always get the last word, then it escalates, and the cycle just continues.
On the flip side, he can suffocate with kindness. He’s always been a tactile person, he wants kisses, cuddles, climbs on us, strokes our faces, rubs his face up and down ours like a dog… and I find it so annoying! What breaks my heart though is when his siblings are affectionate, I welcome it, but when he does it, I find myself bristle at his touch. I’m not a tactile person, so I don’t know if it’s just the intensity of how he goes about it, or if it’s because our bond is so damaged.
I really need some help. I just don’t know how to stop myself becoming so reactive to these behaviours, how I can parent him in a way that benefits him, how I can turn this around, how I can make this just a ‘phase’ and not create some horrible childhood memory of what a horrible mum I am. He already has self esteem issues and I know I’m just making this worse.
I know anyone who sees this post will think this poor little boy deserves better from his parent that this, and I wholeheartedly agree, but please know regardless, he is so loved, and I would move mountains for him, which is why I’m so desperate to get this resolved