Ex wanting phone contact only.

[SpinningFloppa]

Would you let your ex have phone only contact with your children? No safeguarding concerns just doesn’t bother to see them and only wants to speak on the phone. Makes the odd promise to see them but never sticks to it. Just wondering if this is really better than no contact at all and in what way it benefits the children? Has anyone ever been in this situation as I really don’t know anyone that’s been in this situation before trying to work out what to do for the best.

How old are the children?

Are the children old enough to have an opinion?

They are still on the younger side 11 and 10 so don’t really know how to ask what they think Without sounding like I’m trying to sway their opinion

Also he doesn’t call them or FaceTime it’s purely WhatsApp messages and they are sporadic maybe twice a month. He has made a comment about coming down to see them again and not stuck to it this is the 3rd time now. Can’t be a parent over WhatsApp 🤦🏻

That was my mum until I was about 9.

I never saw her as ‘mum’ and we don’t have a relationship now

They don’t see him as a father they call him by his name.

I would worry that he would make empty promises to them and leave them disappointed but at the same time you don’t want to be be the bad guy preventing a relationship.

Exactly that, I’m now in a situation where if I stop it I look like the bad one?! But he hasn’t seen them in 10 weeks, it’s his birthday next week and he text my son saying he would spend it with him (his birthday is the day before my sons but he wants to spend HIS birthday with him) he then said to my son he will ask me if he can “stay for a bit” whatever that means but I haven’t heard a single thing from him so I’m guessing this is another empty promise and he keeps doing this. But if I stop it I’m the bad one

Not experienced this, but I don't think you should stop it, but I might drop a mild comment here or there to your children about how they can not have too much faith in his promises.

My ex never felt any need to keep his promises to our dd, so from any early age I encouraged her to be a bit skeptical.

I just feel pissed off because it seems like it’s for his benefit not for theirs? So he can say he has a relationship with his children they know when he promises to come down not to take it seriously but then I’m the one left to pick up the pieces, I should also add that we have 2 younger children who don’t have phones so he is having zero contact with them as he doesn’t call or FaceTime he will ask the older ones “how’s the family” 🙄 so 2 are having contact with him and 2 aren’t.

But if I stop it I’m the bad one

Who is telling you you’re the ‘bad one’?

Is it him? Why the fuck do you care what that loser thinks? Or anyone he tells for that matter?

You’d be protecting your children from the disappointment dished out by this useless cunt masquerading as a father.

Yeah he tells me I stop him from seeing them but he isn’t actually wanting to see them? He last saw them on the 23rd of December. He’s made no attempt or effort to see them since and seems to want to have a relationship with them over the phone through texting. How is that even meaningful? He asks them the same questions each time “how’s school” “what did you have for dinner” “how’s the family” then it fizzles out until next time he will ask the same 3 questions….

It's up to him how he communicate with the children. They will soon see how little he cares! . Don't make excuses for him

I wouldn't be happy with WhatsApp messages

Thank you yeah it’s ridiculous it’s not even phone calls! FaceTime nothing just WhatsApp. And what about my younger children as they are having no contact at all with him and I’m finding it hard to explain that to them (way too young for phones)

I'm not sure you need to say much at all. He will do what pleases him clearly. You just say - I'm sure daddy will be in touch soon... And leave him to it.

He sounds like a loser. Ultimately it is his loss.