DS seems to prefer dad

[MrsB902]

This may sound really trivial but my DS (who has just recently turned 1) shows a massive preference for his dad over me. He will often only settle for his dad and will sometimes cry and put his arms out for dad when I’m holding him.

I know it’s normal for them to go through phases where they prefer one parent over the other but I would say this has been going on since he was around 8-9months. Please tell me to get a grip if needed but it’s starting to upset me a little, I feel as though my bond with DS isn’t as strong as the one he has with his dad.

Has anyone else experienced this? Am I being ridiculous for feeling so upset about it? Has anyone experienced this and then found that their little one then started to have a bit more of an equal preference for both parents?

Thanks to anyone who has read this far!

Are you often stressed?

No I’m not, I’m generally quite a chilled out person. Is there a reason you asked?

Normal OP! Don't worry. I had the same at the same age as yours and all my daughter wanted was Dadda. I got so upset and quite depressed as she went as far as hitting me and having tantrums for Dadda over me... then one day, when she was 21 months old, the tables changed. Now it's all mama mama mama and has completely changed tune, only wanting me. Hang in there - it's normal and just breathe through it don't get annoyed (I mean I did so I can't talk) good luck! X

Who does the primary care op? How much of the day is he alone with one of you over the other?

Thank you for your lovely reply, it’s nice to know my day will hopefully come!

DH is very hands on to be fair but I definitely do the majority of the feeding, changing, putting down for naps and bedtime etc. DS isn’t a fan of any of these things though so unsure if I’m overthinking or if he’s beginning to associate me with the negative things and dad with all of the fun stuff.

This would most definitely upset me too! Luckily we are the other way round my DC prefer me.

It’s a phase and try to look at the positives, you don’t have to settle a grumpy baby when DH is around.

Also - if you think about - dads do the fun things right? We do the nappies, the telling 'no' the boring stuff.. no wonder for a period of time dads are more appealing but as they grow they realize mums are their support and rock and can't live without us. Someone on here once commented on a post I made (literally mirroring your concerns and worries) that you don't hug your walls and doors of your home do you? (I thought wait.. what??) then understood that this is a metaphor for what we represent for our children. We are their everything and sadly we can be taken advantage of. But he'll grow out of this any month now.

It's not the negative things, it's the functional stuff that builds security. I can go to Daddy and Mommy will just be there when I'm finished cos she always is. That's why I was wondering if you were home more, did the full mat leave etc.

But honestly it does swing and change.
Talk to your partner about sharing the grunt work, make sure you both get fun time with him, don't become the default disciplinarian.

Because when my first born was a baby, I was really anxious and stressed and I found this to be the case too. It was like he could sense my stress and my partner was so relaxed. So I wondered if it was something like that