Teenage daughters HATE each other

[ForeverDrowningInClutter]

I am absolutely at my wits end, and starting to get quite depressed. I'm a single mum of 14 and 11 year old daughters. The younger one has ADHD and a good relationship with her dad and stepsiblings. She is not great socially, and has anger outbursts, but most of the time is caring and very kind. The older one does not have a great relationship with her dad (or almost anyone e else at the moment) is horribly negative a lot of the time, but on her own is an absolute joy to spend time with. They hate eachother. They can't compromise, can't tolerate eachothers presence, constantly shout at eachother - especially over the xbox and TV and are so spiteful it make me cry. For context, we have 3 tvs, one just for the xbox with a small screen, 1 family to that has the BT package and can also be used for the xbox, and one in my bedroom with a firestick. The arguing about the xbox is really getting to me, and I honestly hate it. Any tips for creating a happier home? Sorry for the long post but I desperately need some help.

I don't "think" i do this, but I shall certainly check myself going forward - thank you for making think about this. Its not something I had considered.

The solution is glaringly obvious

This was in response to @MichelleScarn -
And in addition my youngest can explode at me, her sister, her friends on the rare occasion. Its usually when she feels some enormous injustice gas been done. We are working on other ways for her to express herself and trying to see things from others points of view.

What consequence do you implement when they are behaving badly? You need to enforce something, like if they argue over x-box then they both don’t have it for an hour until they come up with a plan of how they are going to share it. If there’s no consequence for arguing they will continue.

I agree with PPs

Teenagers have huge changing hormones and are becoming more independent and developing their sense of self. It's a tile when they challenge everything and those they love most (or are closest to) sometimes aggravate them by breathing or speaking (!!) & can do nothing right in their eyes. It's such strong emotions
Coupled with friendship dramas etc that Girl teenagers especially experience , it's the perfect storm

So tht readinable does us soon you had about expectations and negotiating difficulties and trigger points- well it won't resolve as you'll need to keep doing it, but it will help them find ways to negotiate difficulties in life

Be kind to yourself and think kind thoughts of your teen girls

Take their views seriously but also as views that sometimes have faulty teenage thinking

understandingteenagers.com.au/fixing-teenage-thinking-errors/

This website is also really helpful (you don't need to do their paid course, just read their emails and suggestions)

www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-secret-to-understanding-acting-out-behavior-5-common-thinking-errors-kids-make/

Could you have a set period of say 3 months where you alternate when they are with their dad, so you have DC1 whilst DC2 is with their dad and then you switch over?

You're in a unique position where you can give these kids space from each other if that's what they need and it may be that once they've had that time apart they miss each other, or want to keep to that schedule. It may also be that they each want some time with you alone, some time with their dad alone and some time together.

If you've got the opportunity to do that, why not give it a try?

You're right in the thick of teenage bolshyness OP. They can be right arseholes at that age for no good reason. All I can suggest is to model healthy behaviour and respect and keep repeating it to them.

Not just harsh. Each one will naturally think they're in the right and the other one is the one who's argumentative and difficult — so each will blame the other for the loss of the Xbox, making it another point of contention and resentment.

Agreed. I’d sit them down and tell them that if there are any more vile incidents it will be removed from both of them.

I bought a second hand Xbox off Facebook marketplace.

The set period is a really good idea - gives us all a chance to implement what we've discussed.
Unfortunately the situation with their dad is quite complicated but there are a few dates coming up where he will be taking the older one out for the day, and me and the younger one will have have have some time. I have to remind him he needs to do something with the younger one.
Thank you all again for the support. I don't feel quite so alone anymore. X

I agree with this too I think its part of the problem and least OP can make it clear there's no need for arguing.

What other devices do they have OP? Most kids would want there own individual Ipad or whatever especially at 14.