If you've decided you're one and done

[Lost0013]

Does the longing for another get any easier?

Just wondering as struggling a bit today, thanks.

I’ve decided I’m one and done, but I don’t have any longing ! It took us 6 years to conceive (ivf in the end) and I don’t want to go through that again. I also really did not enjoy the newborn months and don’t think I could repeat 🙈

Maybe you’re not really one and done if you feel a longing?

I have no choice so that makes it a lot easier but I still get a longing every so often. I just learn to live with it.

I'm one and done. I sometimes get wistful but as DD is nearly 10 the gap is too much.

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As we decided on one I can't say I have any longing as one was enough really, it is only when the subject comes up I think about

I'm one and done
We had originally planned on two, but pregnancy wasn't enjoyable, the birth was traumatic and my DS was such a challenging baby/child. (Now diagnosed ADHD ASD)..Money got tighter, my previous job became a no-go due to DSs needs so now in a basic low paid job to work around him. Both my mental and physical health has taken some batterings over the last few years too. I no longer have time for any friends or hobbies.

I don't long for any more. My DS is the love of my life, but its all been too hard. Can't do it again. Especially not at my age (40).

Maybe you’re not really one and done if you feel a longing?

Maybe this? I’ve never felt a longing - just a twinge of sadness for my DS not having the sibling he’d like, but not any longing on my part.

I think it depends on your reasons for being one and done. We are and I have zero longing. I feel like I'm just getting my life back. When friends/family have babies now, I love giving them a cuddle but more than happy to hand them back and mainly feel relieved that it isn't me.

I didn't feel a longing. Occasionally 😍 type brief broodiness if I cuddled a cute toddler but very brief. One was perfect for me, no chance I would spoil everything with a second.

I think it went away when my DD was around 4. She's 6 now

Thank you all for replying, really appreciate it. I didn't really know how others felt in the situation so to know that there isn't that many feelings of longing for another one does probably prove I'm not one and done. That was really what I needed from this post, to understand my own feelings.
We were all set to try again but then doubts set in due to my LO (3) and just knowing they'd be so resentful (there has been a few posts on here recently that made me think yep that'd be LO) I wish we could have tried sooner so the age gap wouldn't have been so big and they hadn't gotten used to being an only child. I don't think my relationship with DH would survive as he's in the fence about it (like is with everything) and finally got him to admit he'd probably regret having another and it making life a lot harder more than he would regret not trying for another.
I know I'll get shot down as I can't worry about something with LO that hasn't happened yet but I think you just know your child, you know when it wouldn't work out.
I also had recurrent MCs before LO so I know having another isn't a given. Im 36 so don't feel i have that much longer to decide given my history. Sending love to everyone who is one and done not through choice ❤

Your focus seems to be more around your existing child and the imagined impact on them than (IMO) the more important deciding factor:

I don't think my relationship with DH would survive as he's in the fence about it (like is with everything) and finally got him to admit he'd probably regret having another and it making life a lot harder more than he would regret not trying for another.

So the real question is, do you want another child enough to risk raising two DC at least half of the time alone?

I get broody, but not for another child, just for my 6yo to be a baby again 😂 I want to have him as a baby rather than a second child.

One and done by choice here and sometimes I get the pang (when someone tells me they are pregnant eg) but then I remember all the reasons we are only having one and it does pass. We made that decision jointly though and neither regret it. It doesn’t sound as if you are peace with that choice.

I know plenty of people with large age gaps and it’s fine.

@Fifi0102 don't worry so much about 10 year gap, at that age they can help bringing you nappies and help Rock the crib while you get a shower and so on. But its your choice and your happiness.

There is 15 years between my eldest and youngest, my youngest baby is now 2 months old. I have 6 kids in total. Wouldn't mind one more before the time I am 40, but I am quite blessed and happy with 6 kids. And I also have 3 of each. 3 boys and 3 girls. Thank God for everything

Yes I agree! I just kind of want to go back and do it all again, just with him though not another one!

@GiltEdges I think I do want another one that badly yes but it's early days so hopefully I'll be thinking more clearly soon.

Actually I'm with you both, this would be a perfect solution 😊

@Brewskipa @Abouttimemum can't seem to get my head around replying properly

I don't think my DD would be happy bringing me nappies or rocking the crib. She hates entertaining her younger cousins for more than 10 minutes. She's very happy being an only child 🤣

We are one and done through circumstance rather than choice really. Meeting DH later and some fertility issues meant we didn’t have DD till I was 40.

I’d have loved to have tried to squeeze another one in, but DH wasn’t really on board and DD was a Velcro cosleeping baby/ toddler who didn’t leave much time for ttc. More recently DH was more open to it and says he wishes we could have another too, we tried a little bit but I’m 43, DD’s sleep is still not great and it’s pretty clear it’s a bit too late for us.

The longing hasn’t gone anywhere for me. I find it so so hard. Last week I avoided two of the groups we usually go to and enjoy, just because I wasn’t up for interacting with loads of pregnant women and newborns. DD currently obsessed with sisters and asking when I’m having a baby in my tummy - it makes me feel really shit to be honest (obviously I’d never let her see that).

@Fifi0102 oh , haha well, there you go 👏

@AliasGrape I'm so so sorry that is so tough for you. Send massive hugs xxx

Also to add every time I think maybe I’d like another, I just spend some time with my niece and nephew who fight like cat and dog and are just soooooo loud together and think nah I’m good 🤣