My DD (22m) has been in a daddy phase for a really long time now. Never had a mummy phase and I find it really hard, upsetting. But I try and shake it off, follow previous advice to join in with their playing, let them have their time and ensure I have my time with her. Some days are better than others.
She is quite strong willed and has some killer tantrums, pushes boundaries etc- all normal but I’m really trying to set boundaries and follow through as I know long term this is beneficial and kids actually like to know where they stand. I find when it’s me and her alone, they work- tantrum stops, crying stops and we move on.
My DH does not discipline her, tell her no, follow through- ever. If she throws something, I give her warning, and if she does it again i take it off her and explain. I stick to my guns. She then goes to DH with the tears and he picks her up and they have cuddles. It’s not helping her behaviour and it’s not helping my relationship with her. She won’t come to me for cuddles, she doesn’t give me affection, it’s all about him. I’m the bad cop, he’s the hero. I’ve talked to him till I’m blue in the face, he just doesn’t take it in. Won’t read the toddler parenting book/won’t read helpful posts I show him that advise on how to manage toddlers.
I wouldn’t mind putting in most of the work if she was equally as affectionate with me, wanted me etc, but Im finding the more I set these boundaries, the more she is pulling away from me and desperate to be with him constantly, on him, up with him, Daddy daddy daddy all day.
What do I do?! Pretty sure it’s only guna work if we work as a team/on the same page. But he just won’t engage, and I think he really likes being the fave and having that special bond with her (had an awful childhood himself so think he is desperate for that bond). Just feel it’s at the detriment of my bond. It’s making me really angry with him and teary and miserable