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Parenting

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Original poster

DD twiddling & pulling hair out - help!

6 replies

SleepDebt · 03/03/2023 20:25

My DD, who is 4, twiddles her hair. She gets her hair into several knots each day and often takes them out - along with her hair. We try to take them out ourselves but even then often some hair needs to come out as she's knotted the hair so much and we can't save it.

Her hair is really short on the side where she twiddles her hair. And even thought she wants long hair, she can't help herself twiddling, knotting and pulling - It's her comfort.

We've tried things to help her to stop. Replacing with a comforter, constant reminders, being really proactive with removing knots before they ruin the hair - but it just isn't enough, nothing has worked for long enough to save her hair or to break the habit.

I have no idea what to do. She gets upset at the thought of us cutting it short. I have read that mentioning it can make it a bigger issue or give her insecurities about her hair which I really don't want to do - but at the same time it's hard to let it happen. She's starting school this year and I'd love her to be able to grow her hair evenly for that - I know it is probably my own insecurities talking but I'm worried about people being mean about it.

Any ideas to help the situation would be so great! Anyone experienced the same and know how this plays out or what to do?

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drowsy · 03/03/2023 20:34

My 3.5-year-old does the same. It's a comfort thing and she usually does it when tired. We also get lots of knots and sometimes end up cutting them out. I've found using lots of conditioner when washing her hair helps a bit, and keeping the hair relatively short but still long enough to tie up otherwise she'd be sad! I tried detangling spray but she won't let me near her with it.

Saturdayafternoonnap · 03/03/2023 20:37

My ds did this.

I made him a little knot of garden string, which he kept in his hand. He was at school and the teacher gently reminded him in lessons too. He stopped after a while.

WreckTangled · 03/03/2023 20:40

Ds (now 10!) did this. He had a bald spot at one point. We got him a doll with ‘hair’ and he used that instead (obvs had to replace it every now and then). When he was about 6 we managed to move away from the doll and replace it with my hairbrush and I’m afraid to say he still sleeps with it now 🙈 but at least he doesn’t have a bald spot any more…

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Original poster

SleepDebt · 03/03/2023 20:52

Same with mine @drowsy - tiredness is a massive trigger here too. Thanks so much for the tips, will try conditioner tomorrow and get her hair cut a bit at the weekend. Can I ask, do you give reminders to stop or just leave her be?

Thanks so much for the replies @Saturdayafternoonnap and @WreckTangled it's great to hear you both found ways to encourage it to stop - gives me hope to keep trying!

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drowsy · 04/03/2023 19:57

I don't really tell her to stop but it's impossible not to mention the knots or the need to brush them out. We had her hair cut yesterday and the knotting is already less problematic - I think we just need to keep it shortish for the moment sadly.

Original poster

SleepDebt · 05/03/2023 19:02

Thank you, that makes sense. She has had it cut today and I've applied loads of conditioner. I've also given her a dolly with long hair to see if that might work but we will see - as soon as she is in bed I'm sure she'll default back bless her. Thanks for the tips.

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