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Parenting

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Original poster

DS so clingy to DH...it's making me feel utterly useless

8 replies

JolieGirl · 10/02/2008 18:25

Help, I really need some sensible advice!

My 20 month old DS has always been a daddy's boy but over the last 2 months it has really started to affect us as a family.

DH works long hours and so does not see much of DS during the week, maybe 30 mins each day before he gets the train to London each morning. At night DS is always in bed by the time DH gets home (7-8pm). Mon - Fri DS is great, and we have a brilliant relationship. We play together happily, have fun, see lots of people and have no problems. He has a great routine, is a happy, relaxed and sociable little boy.

Come the weekend however it is a different story. I can see that the cause is clearly that his daddy is a novelty having not been at home much during the week, but his behaviour suddenly feels extreme, particularly when we are with members of DH's family.

DS will ignore me completely, he will rarely engage with me, play or sit with me, call for me when he is hurt or wants something. Daddy has to feed him, dress him, do everything. At first I relished the time off, but now I am feeling a failure - usually when we are out with other people, as if they are thinking what a dreadful mother I am, who cannot hold her child without him straining and reaching out for DH constantly.

Today was particularly bad, we were out for Sunday lunch with the IL's and again, same thing, DS would only sit wth his dad at the table. At one point he threw a complete wobbly when I tried to keep him with me so DH could finish his meal, and all the IL's were looking down at their plates uncomfortably then saying 'ah isn't it lovely what a strong bond they have', and I just got redder and hotter.

Please help. I am sure it is just a phase, but what can I do? Am I just being over sensitive? And worrying about absolutely nothing? DH thinks I am but it is stressing me out...maybe that is the problem itself!?

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Original poster

JolieGirl · 10/02/2008 18:38

BUMP...

Anyone? Please?!

OP posts:

Original poster

JolieGirl · 10/02/2008 19:08

bumpety bump

OP posts:

bigboydiditandranaway · 10/02/2008 19:15

Have u shared your feelings with dh so that he can encourage you all doing things together rather than it just being dh&ds at weekends. I have had the reverse, dh has been so upset that he can't do anything to help at weekends so i try to encourage doing the above and some time with dh without me, but not too much as i feel excluded aswell!

When inl's visit, they are very intense with ds and want to be centre of his attention and like u, i do enjoy a bit odf a break but start to feel pushed out as ds seems to ignore me.

Hope this helps!

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chipkid · 10/02/2008 19:20

you're a given-you are constant and reliable. Your Ds has to get what he can from dh when he can. It is frustrating-but as sure as eggs are eggs-his allegiances will start to swing on a regular basis.

Kitsilano · 10/02/2008 19:23

I do sympathise. I have this with my dd and it really gets to me. She basically blanks me on the weekend when my dh is at home. We also have a new baby (12 weeks) so I think she's not too impressed about that either. I try to remember that it's the novelty of him being around and that she feels confident enough in my love to not bother about it. But sometimes it's hard...

ProfessorGrammaticus · 10/02/2008 19:32

I think you have to go with it - let DS have what he wants - the more you fight it, the worse it will seem. It's only a Phase, even if it is a hard one.

lljkk · 10/02/2008 20:52

Please, Can I swap with you, JolliGirl?? Because 3yo DS insists I do everything for him. He often won't let anybody else in our large family do stuff for him, it drives me crazy. DH has huge blind spots about certain house-jobs and I have to put up with DS nagging me for this that or the other because no1 else can take him 2 toilet, get his milk, etc.
You are so lucky to get a guaranteed break from your DS's attentions. I hate being the favourite person in the family.

ladyhelen2 · 11/02/2008 12:54

Hi JolieGirl,
I can really identify with you. I have a similar problem. My DS is 2.7 and very much a Daddy's boy. I think it is the same sort of thing - I spend all day Thurs and Fri ( i work mon to weds) with him and so when Daddy gets home, he is all he wants. I must admit that on those two days I am quite happy to hand him over - after all I've been with DS all day, but like you it can spill over to the weekends aswell, and yes it is soul destroying. I do feel like a terrible mother too! One night he woke up and wouldn't be settled by me. only daddy would do. Only thing was daddy wasn't interested in getting out of bed (it was 3am ) but DS would not have me. I was distraught because I couldn't settle him. It all seems worse at 3am too, and I retreated in tears.
I think though in time it will change and probably will for you and your DS too. I've decided to take the more pragmatic approach and let DH do as much as he wants. Like some of the posters here have said, it gives us a break! Toddlers are fickle and rememeber you are no1 Monday to Friday to him.
Hope you feel better.

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