Men staring at daughter (aged 7)

[Billydaffodil]

I feel a bit shocked and scared really as my 7year old has just asked me:

"What do you do about people staring at you?" I said "children at school do you mean?" "No, in town. And it's adults really." "Men or women or both?" "Both. But mostly men. When I look away and look back, they're still staring."
"Are they smiling usually?" "No."

I just hate the thought of not only this happening, but so much so that she has noticed.

I just don't know what to advise her and all I can think is I need to get her self defence classes...! I've spoken to her again about never going with a stranger no matter what they say.

Any advice I'd be really grateful for.

My daughter was looked at a lot when she was little. She was a stunning child, a real beauty.But there was never anything malevolent in people taking a second glance at her, nothing to worry about. Maybe your girl has come to the Self conscious stage.and is over reacting a bit.

Actually my daughter when she was 8 told me that two men were staring at her and she didn’t like it. Unfortunately she only felt able to tell me after they had left the restaurant. It made me feel really uneasy and I then have noticed it since with other men. I tend to give them a death stare.

I don’t know why pp are suggesting this isn’t true. This is the reality of being female. Teach her to be vigilant and safe. That’s all you can do

perhaps your child was dressed up in a rather individual way and it attracted attention? Not condoning it. I’ve seen some kids under 10 with massive fake lashes and out with their mums which was rather odd but their choice

This!

I don't understand what language people have picked up on that they think a 7 year old wouldn't use. There's nothing complex about what she said.

OP, I think you're probably over reacting to this unless it's something you've noticed as well? Someone looking at your child doesn't mean they pose a danger to her. My 8 year old said something similar recently, and I advised her to smile if it was someone she knew and liked, but to ignore them if it was someone she didn't know. I think she'd just noticed that sometimes strangers look at you - e.g. to not bump into you on the pavement, while you walk past their table at a cafe, etc.

At 7 speaking like that the child would be great on chat shows

Not sure if it is actually happening or just expected to be because of the usual 'all men are bad' thing these days, if this is genuine

Bit bemused by the responses.

My eldest DD is just 8 and she talks similarly. She is a sensitive - hypersensitive - child and for the last few months has a "thing" about people looking at her when she's in public.

She doesn't associate it with men particularly but the language sounds totally normal for a 7 to 8yo to me.

Oh, I'm a bit taken aback to see so many responses questioning me 😟
Thank you @mumsnet for supporting me. I have no idea why anyone would make this up? What would be the point?

To answer a few questions, that's exactly how the conversation went, not sure what is weird about it, she seems a very normal 7 year old in comparison to her friends etc to me. I guess I just need to dismiss these comments as it happens to be entirely true, so thanks for your responses but that's not a relevant point.

Secondly, they are out with their Dad, he often takes them out in town or other places so I can get on top of the flat and do batch cooking etc.

I have since spoken to him about it, he said they do get attention but he thinks it's because there are 4 of them, which I haven't really thought of. Also of them all our 7 yo is the most sensitive so maybe that's why she has noticed.

Thank you for saying keep it simple and don't make a big deal of it, that's good advice and I do have anxiety (which I am getting support for-) but explains maybe why it felt sinister to me.

Sorry for delay I'll just read a few more responses. I appreciate all your time and advice.

Thank you, this was the sort of practical advice I was hoping for.

I have always told them to find a mum with kids if they get lost. But that sounds good, I'll add that too about shop / cafe/ person in uniform. And practicing spotting hopefully 'safe' people. Thank you @2bazookas

Yes. That is a good point. I think my concern probably says more about me (anxiety) than the reality of the situation. Thanks.

Thank you, good advice. She is really sensitive so I wonder if that plays a part too.

@endoftheworldniteclub
"This. Creepy post actually"

Yes, that's precisely why I posted..... I felt it was creepy. 😐

Eh? Why female? A woman once asked if she could take a photo of my child, who is male.

Do you really think OP and her daughter encounter multiple paedophiles every time they go out?

Oh that is a good point! She does think nothing of wearing loads of bright patterns together, which can look a bit unusual. so that's a really good point 😂 Thank you, feel a bit better.

Thank you for your understanding post.

Yes, I just re read my first post and I guess it looks kind of stilted written out, but it was exactly how the conversation went, so what can I do?! 😄

I think I am overreacting actually and most people are good people. I'm chronically sleep deprived with a baby so it's actually really helpful to think I'm overthinking this situation, thank you ♥️.

Thanks everyone for your responses.
I haven't noticed people staring at her, but her Dad has.

I think it's probably a combination of her being out with their dad and as a group of 4 children, her often dressing in fairly bright colours, her being v sensitive and me being sleep deprived with anxiety making me think everything is sinister! I genuinely feel a lot better now, so thank you for all the kind responses. ♥️

Avoid makng it about "strangers"
www.betterliveshealthyfuturesbw.nhs.uk/learning_resource/stranger-danger/

Thank you. Great advice. ♥️

Yup

I read one about a woman being stared at? Same person maybe

My 7 year old talks like this. Didn't sound off to me from that point of view.

I was also going to say that around this age is when children seem to start becoming self conscious these days (I'm sure it used to come much later but that's a whole other subject)!
So maybe she's being overly observant of people glancing at her.
Or maybe she has some anxiety in public?

My 7 year old the other day asked me loudly "why is that kid staring at me like that?". Said kid was a toddler in a buggy probably looking because DS was pretending to be the train announcer!!!

OP I'm sure it was all innocent, and if your husband was out with 4 kids in might just have been people nebbing!

Just e plain that if she's uncomfortable to look away and to tell you/her dad then you as an adult can properly assess the situation and reassure her.