Why is this so hard?

[halloumi1]

Hi,

I’m writing this in tears, feeling like the worst parent in the world and that I can’t cope with much anymore. I just don’t know what to do.

For just over a week now DD (4 weeks) has been having the most awful screaming and crying episodes after feeding. It can go on for hours and it’s nigh on impossible to wind her as can’t get anything other than one big burp out, but she still looks so uncomfortable - arching, writhing and wriggling.
She used to go to sleep after a feed or be awake for a small window and be okay lying on her playmat for some interaction. Now she will have the feed, burp then start screaming and crying. Nothing works to console her, then I start crying and feeling like I can’t cope (DH has gone back to work today).

I spoke to HV who advised it might be colic and to start Infacol which we started yesterday but she’s had 2 crying after feeding episodes with me today (I managed to settle her out of them without them escalating as bad as they have been this week) and then she’s been having one now since about 7.15pm. I haven’t been able to eat or drink properly today as she just won’t settle unless held and I find it worse to put her down and listen to the screams whilst trying to focus on anything else.

I feel like I can’t have visitors because you can’t have a conversation over the screaming and it gets late at night and DH and I haven’t managed to achieve even the slightest of household task because we’re tag teaming.

Yesterday was the worst as she must have only had about 2 hours sleep between her patterns of a quick lull in crying, looking like she’s settling, then repeat. I love her so much but it’s just not enjoyable, then I look at her and feel so guilty for thinking that and question why I can’t settle her or what if something worse is wrong with her I’m not picking up on?

I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism a couple of weeks ago so I’m trying to recover from that and the pain it causes too.

Our DS (3), usually an amazing sleeper, has also just started waking in the night crying hysterically for me. He’ll ask me not to leave him so I stay with him until he’s settled and reassure him but it will usually happen again. I spent last night asleep on his bedroom floor for a couple of hours just to try and get some rest and not have anymore crying!

Having DS was hard as babies are, but it was a lovely experience and this time I just feel so drained and like I can’t cope for much longer with this 😭

Oh sending you the biggest hug. I want to just come in and take her for you for a few hours to give you a break. It’s so so easy to feel like it’s forever when you’re at this extreme stage but I always think so many of these problems are caused by how tiny their insides are. When they reach 12 weeks a lot of these issues do seem to drastically improve. Try to just focus on getting through the next few hours or days in front of you. How is she out a walk or even in a baby carrier/sling in the house? Is she any better upright? Hopefully the infacol does make a difference and is just taking a while to kick in. Hope you can get some sleep tonight

Sounds like your baby has reflux if they're crying after feeds.

DS1 was the same. He was a miserable baby frankly. He had CMPA and reflux.

Keep them upright for an hour after feeding and as much as physically possible
Give them a dummy
Get to the bottom of what's causing the reflux (if it is an allergy, something they don't like in your milk etc)

DS1 was weaned at 4 months and it wasn't really until then that I enjoyed being a mum. But it gets better. Hang on in there.

@GHxx Thank you so much, that was so kind to read 😭.
It’s so emotionally difficult as I know in rational mind that she’s so tiny and needs me very much but it’s so hard to think like that in the moment when you’re enduring hours of crying.
I don’t have a sling/carrier which probably doesn’t help me being unable to do anything. I do try and walk/rock her upright over my shoulder which sometimes calms her but other times no position helps. We took her for a day out for DS’s birthday and she slept a lot in the pram but did cry anytime she sensed it had stopped for even the tiniest time! She just seems so unsettled a lot of the time, even when sleeping she wriggles a lot. She’s finally settled but keeps waking herself.

@Eevvee Thank you for the advice. I have gone through whether it might be colic, reflux or an allergy. She’s got dummies but refuses to take them, it usually results in her getting even more angry or spitting them out. Some feeds she will be fine and go straight to sleep but it seems to be increasing that we have the crying. The HV has told me to go back to her if it doesn’t improve with the Infacol - just so hoping we can resolve this soon

Have you checked to make sure there isn't a hair wrapped around a finger or toe?