My boyfriend's precious first born... I'm biting my tongue sooo hard...

[TheMoistWorldOfSeptimusQuench]

This lovely little boy (2.6) is being spoilt to death. His father absolutely dotes on him, as is right and proper, but I can't help but feel he's creating a monster.

He is given everything he asks for - toys, clothes, a plate he happened to see in a shop window, whatever food his little heart desires (was given 7 different meals the other night because he kept rejecting what his dad had cooked).

He is given a choice about every last thing. Eg. "do you want your nappy changed?" "No daddy!" "Oh, OK then...". Dad will do whatever he is told by him (bedtime can run from 7 til about 10pm because he wants "another story" & dad won't assert himself, even for his DS good)

Basically, every whim and fancy is indulged, he is given constant attention - never allowed to just amuse himself. He has 3 older half-siblings so is also the centre of attention at home, and has never been to a nursery or other childcare so has no real idea about what it is to share and be one of the crowd.

Basically his dad treats him as if he were a deity (he told me the other day that all the waitresses in a restaurant they'd been to loved him so much, they kept coming over to "pay homage to him" ) and can do no wrong. He's quite a tantrummy aggressive little boy and can be very badly behaved, but his dad just seems to think this is part of his charm, and will never tell him off, or even tell him something is wrong & he shouldn't do it. He is never encouraged to think about others or be considerate, kind etc.

So, should I express my concerns in the most diplomatic way possible, or shut up, stop being so judgy & mind my own business?

How long have you and your bf being together, do you live together?

My instinct is to say that you should say nothing. Certainly not in a "we need to sit down and discuss your son" type way. Maybe if you're there when the ds is having 7 meals cooked for him you could put in a casual comment and see how it goes down.

But if you live together and the kid is badly behaved in your home then you don't have to put up with it and I thin have more of a "right" to say something.

What's his mum like with him?

Oh, only about 6 months, and we don't live together (don't think I could ever live with him because of this very reason. His behaviour - the father's, not the son's - drives me nuts when he brings ds to my house). I've not met his mother yet.

for this very reason. Sorry. Too many "basically"s in the OP too. Forgive me, I have a hangover...

Presumably he only has his DS for a short time at a stretch and can "afford" to be over-indulgent? You could try commenting on children needing boundaries to feel secure, and start establishing some rules for behaviour while he is in your house. You don't mention if you have any DC yourself - if you do, you could stress the need for one set of rules for them all for fairness.

2.6 is a very difficult age and whilst it doesn't appear that your boyfriend is handling him brilliantly I would imagine that the son is feeling insecure and acting up somewhat in your presence.

If you do have children then as amuminscotland says you could try approaching it that way, or you could say that you notice that your children are happier if they go to bed at a set time each night.

If you don't have children then really I don't think there is anything that you can say. If it upsets you too much then suggest that your boyfriend might want one on one time with his son, if he sees him every other weekend then it shouldn't be too difficult to not be around at those times.

Message withdrawn

I think fathers who don't see their children much are often like this....they don't want to spoil their limited time .

I also think a lot of women in your situation feel as you do. I certainly did, but kept my trap shut most of the times

Thanks everyone. Yes, I do have a child - a dd of 5.5.

He has his son for about 1.5 days per week. His ds & my dd like playing together, although dd is a bit bemused by what ds gets away with, compared to her own set of boundaries.

I agree, it is pretty much explained away by being an estranged father. But I do think that ulimately he's not doing his son any favours, & that's my main concern.