Partner swore at out kids, how should I have reacted?

[Talljock]

I have the the incredible ability to suppress almost all of my anger at any situation and react with an astonishing level of control. The issue is that I then wonder afterwards how I should have reacted and then spend many days discussing (with myself) what the appropriate reaction should have been. This is one of those times but as it concerns my children I wanted to ask for opinions if I may?

I was in work recently when my partner rang to tell me she was having a bad with our children, and sounded super stressed on the phone. Initially she shouted at me "come and get your fu*ing kids (1 and 3). I won't be here when you get back" and hung up. I rang her straight back and again she shouted at me to go home and get the kids, I then heard her (no exagerration) scream at our 3 year old to "fuk off, I can't deal with you today!".

I managed to calm the situation, as I always do, and didn't go home to get the kids. But it has left a real sour taste in my mouth and I feel really conflicted over what I should have done, and whether it is something I need to bring up and discuss with her?

Is this a normal outburst or do I need to be worried?

Thanks

I think the main reaction should be to be concerned about how stressed she is, rather than that she swore at the kids. Honestly I think it can happen that 'good' parents, regardless of gender, can snap, particularly with young kids who can be unpredictable and uncooperative.

I get OP not going straight home, not everyone can just walk out of their job, although if they have contact with anyone who could go and help their partner, in this instance they should contact them to go and help.

But you need to find out what the main stressors are and how you can help, whether your partner would be happier working or with childcare if you can afford it etc.

Honestly, if the father of my dc rang me at work and ‘shouted at me "come and get your fu*ing kids (1 and 3). I won't be here when you get back" and hung up.’ And then ‘I rang him straight back and again he shouted at me to go home and get the kids, I then heard him (no exaggeration) scream at our 3 year old to "fuck off, I can't deal with you today!"’

I would have told work that there was a family emergency and then left work to go home and make sure my baby and dc were safe and well.

This isn’t about siding with your partner because this is Mumsnet and she is female.

If a mum posted this then they would be asked why they didn’t go home and safeguard the baby and dc. In fact it is highly likely that she’d have her arse handed to her on a plate for neglecting her dc.

Obviously your partner couldn’t cope and she knew it and she tried to get help.

There are times when I take over from my dc’s father if he really isn’t coping as well as he normally would. And times when I’ve needed to step back and let him deal with a situation because I am not coping as well as I normally would. It’s called parenting.

Your children needed you.

Don’t lecture your partner about being a better parent who doesn’t swear or scream at the dc when you were not willing to step in when they really needed you to. You could have been a better parent too.

I wouldn't want a partner that was acting like her. Aggressive and erratic. Perhaps you could somehow subtly let her know she needs to seek help for her mental health (well, that's the most generous interpretation.)

If things didn't change (or they weren't seeking help) they would no longer be my partner.