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Playing with a 2 year old and generally how to handle the destruction

4 replies

Anderson2018 · 02/03/2023 11:32

Does anyone have any advice on playing with a 2 year old? I’m beginning to really resent it. Maybe it’s because I am pregnant again and am sick all day and completely exhausted.
My 2 year old wants my attention all day long unless the Tv is on, but playing with him is hard, I try my best but he is so destructive and I just can’t deal.
We do a jigsaw and he wrecks it before you finish, play with his kitchen and he throws everything everywhere, I’ve tried baking but it’s awful, he throws drinks and food everywhere and he hits me constantly, and I really don’t know how to deal with it.
I am surrounded by mess constantly and It’s driving me mad, my house used to be so tidy, I really hate mess. And I’ve tried to tell myself it’s only temporary but it really effects my mood having to be surrounded by destruction. He literally breaks everything, nothing is nice ever 🥺
I take every opportunity to go outside but I’m 13 weeks pregnant and can barely lift my head at the minute so getting us l dressed and out is so difficult. Everything is just so hard! Is this normal?

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AIU · 02/03/2023 11:39

Model behaviour, be consistent with we don't throw and show an alternate way to use the item, keep activities short, 2 year olds don't have a long attention span, most cannot sit through a story. I appreciate being sick is awful during pregnancy I was the same and it just makes everything feel 10x worse. A bit of tv time won't hurt anyone and for your own sanity. Could you sign him up for a couple of mornings in nursery for a bit of a break? It's such a great age to start for socialising and learning to play etc.

Anderson2018 · 02/03/2023 13:29

Thank you for your reply. I do feel like I’m consistent, I guess I just feel bad for constantly getting on at him for things. I mean some days can be easy with him but other days I just feel like I don’t stop telling him no and I am starting to lose my temper and wonder how ill ever manage having 2.
He does know when he’s not aloud to do something because he looks at me before he does it. I take my eye off of him for a minute (usually while I’m in the loo vomiting) and he’s emptied all my kitchen cupboards. He managed to break all the child locks.
I don’t even know what answers I’m looking for, maybe just to vent and be told that it’s fairly normal for them to be so destructive. He is also in nursery 2 afternoons a week, maybe I need to enquire about a full day so I can rest at least one day a week.

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BertieBotts · 02/03/2023 16:53

It is sooo hard and you're not alone, but I wonder if it would help to try and put some things in place and change some expectations which will make your life easier?

At 2 it's a lot to expect them to complete tasks with a specific end goal like a jigsaw, baking, crafts etc - some children will do this, but the majority won't. They are basically completely in "explore" mode still, lots of "what happens if I do this?" with a bit of role play/copying.

So if you can bear this in mind you'll have more success from activities. See it as a process rather than the end goal being the expectation. So for example, rather than wanting to do a drawing/colouring/craft activity and feeling frustrated because he won't follow the directions, get some scrap paper and washable pens and just let him scribble - it's all useful stuff and he's learning and occupied.

Instead of trying to follow a recipe when baking, only do "baking" if you're happy for him to basically play with flour and make a mess. If you don't want to do this (which is quite understandable!!) don't do baking - around 4 is better for following instructions in pursuit of a goal.

Child proofing is essential - get different cupboard locks and/or a gate across the kitchen door. Put stuff that you don't want him to access up high. Leave within his reach anything that isn't easily breakable or lost/mixed up and is easy to put away. If you have so many toys that it's overwhelming to put them all away try toy rotation.

With things like the play kitchen, set it up but don't expect the play to make sense like a narrative of OK you're the chef, what will you cook today, first let's chop, then fry etc - it's more likely to be repetitive behaviours like opening the oven and putting everything inside, then opening the oven and taking everything out one by one. You can model by showing different role play type activities, like cutting food, washing up, pretending to fry things, pretending that the oven is hot, pretending to eat the food, reacting different ways to him "feeding" you etc.

With puzzles, try those wooden puzzles which have little shaped spaces for the pieces. Just present him the puzzle and let him take all the pieces out, then you put them all back in again. Encourage him to try putting them in too, and help him to rotate them etc to try and find the right slot. If he likes this you could try chunky card puzzles which have about 4 pieces each, again help him to locate the right one and get it in the right place. He probably won't have the attention span for a more complicated puzzle which will be why he wrecks it before you've finished it. If this is happening with simpler puzzles then it's easier to say oh, well, he's obviously had enough and just tidy it away rather than feeling frustrated.

For other play activities I would not try to "play with" in terms of trying to lead an activity or play a role because he's still quite little to get much from this. Instead try to see it a bit like you setting up things for him to experiment with. For example, build a block tower to knock down, hide things under stacking cups for him to find, build a train track for him to push trains around etc. At this age my boys' favourite toys have been toy cars, Brio type toy trains and any kind of stacking/building type toy like duplo, mega blocks, wooden blocks, stacking cups/stacking rings etc. All basically toys where there's no "wrong" way to play with it (yes of course do stop/redirect if throwing or breaking things).

If you are getting problematic repeated behaviour like throwing, it can help to try to identify the schema behind it - I learned about this on MN and it can be really helpful. Schemas are an area of play that they are focusing on for some kind of learning objective, so for example if he's constantly throwing, he's probably in a "trajectory" schema and you can help him meet that urge by setting up activities with this in mind e.g. a ramp to roll cars down, marble run, throwing soft toys or small balls or beanbags into a tub or circle, rolling a ball to each other (google "schemas in play" or "behavioural schema" for a full list e.g. here: www.pacey.org.uk/working-in-childcare/spotlight-on/schemas/)

Do you have a partner - can they do morning childcare so that you can get dressed, showered etc before they leave for work and get DC dressed for you? It is so much easier when you can just leave the house without having to faff around first, and outdoor time DOES help a lot.

Partner also needs to pull their weight (which might be more than usual) with jobs like cleaning and cooking and it's really really OK to fall back on shortcuts like convenience foods and TV as well.

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TinyTeacher · 02/03/2023 19:20

What @BertieBotts said!

Try to be kind to yourself and have reasonable (low!)expectations. My boys are 2 and im suddenly starting to see improvement. I'm sure my eldest was MUCH tidier by 2 and a half and a million times easier by 3

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