So many problems with my 12 month old!

[InsideOut91]

I honestly feel like it’s been a whole year of nothing but problems, from the major feeding issues, weight gain, unexplained allergies…
and now to a 1yr old who just will not sleep no matter what I do, she is BF to sleep because despite my best efforts (truly), she just won’t fall asleep any other way, she will keep herself awake for hours and hours and hours and when she does give in, it lasts 45-1 hr max and we start all over again. I used to be able to feed to sleep and put her down in her cot which wasn’t an issue because she’d roll herself over and have a long nap, but she just won’t do it anymore, I can’t get her in the cot at all for naps and a contact nap means she latched the entire time or she doesn’t sleep at all and it’s just the worst way to sleep because she overheats and gags on letdown and takes far too much milk for a one year old. Not to mention I HATE it, but there’s nothing I can do.
night wake ups are constant and split nights are almost every single night and then she wants to nap all day, on my boob of course, and then we have another awful night because she’s slept all day. I just feel like I have no options left with her sleep, NOTHING works, not even cosleeping because she just lays there playing and never sleeps.

food used to be our one easy thing! She loved food from 6 months old, ate anything and everything, and now it’s been weeks and she basically doesn’t eat a single thing anymore! everything gets spat back out or thrown on the floor and I know it could be teething or anything but it’s turned into a nightmare when it was our one easy thing!

she wont drink anything, tiny sips of water that largely get spat back out, no milk that isn’t BM and no expressed milk that isn’t directly from the boob itself, I try to cut down her feeds but I can’t because then she just has dry nappies all day and gets dehydrated because she just refuses everything else. I am returning to work in a few weeks and I’d love her to go to a nursery because it would be great for her but we can’t afford that so it’s grandparents doing childcare which I’m lucky to have but I can see her not drinking all day and being an overtired mess.

she hates the car. She hates the pushchair. Everything is impossible with her.

I honestly feel like I can’t do it anymore, nothing I do is ever good enough or ever works to make any progress with anything.

she’s developing normally and shows no signs of additional needs or health problems so I don’t think that’s it, she’s happy and smiley when she’s got what she wants. I’m just at a loss.

Hi op,

Sorry you're having such a tough time.

She will settle with grandparents and she will eat and drink from a cup there. It will be her only choice. She might not for the first few weeks. But she absolutely will eventually. You probably all need to steal yourself for a miserable time to begin with and remember it will improve.

As for the sleep firstly I would stick to a day routine regardless if she's tired or how she naps. This will help the split nights. Again it might be miserable whilst implementing it as she will be very overtired and emotional. At this age I would imagine she needs about 30 mins morning and 1.5 hours afternoon.

Will she sleep in the pushchair? Mine suddenly stated sleeping brilliantly in there for naps at this age. I could wheel him round the block then leave him in the front room. Wasn't the case previously.

Really hope it gets better for you soon.

Yeah I mean the first couple of years consists on ironing out a lot of kinks etc. Each of my kids (3) have had their own issues. This current baby had to wear a hip harness for months on end. Hospital stay for jaundice. Every bug going this winter. That’s just babies.

You’ll probably much prefer the coming years where they are much more interactive (and crucially in school).

I'm struggling along with my 11 month old here and definitely have days where I feel like this. In particular sleep is diabolical here and we are on day 6 of horrendous split nights. I too have done everything everyone suggests bar cc. Cosleeping is also failing here too. She just plays and laughs. Or cries when I try to lay her down and cuddle her.

You're not alone and you are not failing. This is not your fault. Babies do what babies do and I'm now realising we have very very little control over how they sleep eat etc. We can try our best and implement all the good advice but it's your baby's choice whether she chooses to eat or sleep etc.

I agree with the PP that she will start taking a cup with the gparents. She will not let herself starve or dehydrate. She will adjust.

With the sleep I'm not going to give you any advice as I bet you have already had it all. I assume you're trying calpol just in case she is teething with the food.

It's all a very very hard phase but it will all pass.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Xx

Ps. I do wonder if its worth leaving baby with a gparent or dad for the night to force the night weaning. It will be awful but you can go to a hotel get 8 hours and then tackle the day as a new day.

First off, you're not doing anything wrong! Don't put so much pressure on yourself (easier said than done). Babies are difficult and all babies are different.
I have found with both of mine that when in the care of others (grandparents, dad, nursery) they are much more willing to accept milk, water, food, etc. and usually sleep better for them too. As PP said, they won't starve themselves. I went away for a week and back to work when my EBF baby was 10 months and it only took a day or two to start taking milk out of a bottle.
For the sleep, are you against sleep training? I suspect the falling asleep on boob is what is hindering it here, as I'm sure you know. It will be a tough few days/week but will help in the long run.