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To track down Dads father?

6 replies

Positivelymum · 28/02/2023 21:48

So brief info- I was in a brief relationship with DDs father and fell pregnant, he became pushy when I was pregnant so I left, his behaviour was overall toxic. I relocated to be near family. He didn't like being part of a 'broken family' and whenever I saw him he was more focused on me.
He has only ever saw DD 3 times, she's now nearly 11 and starting to ask more questions. She has no recollection of him as all contact was before she was 1. There has been no contact since.
I've never stopped contact and always encouraged it, the last time she saw him was because I took her to him.
He's never really contributed to her, left the country to avoid CSA and apparently became unemployed when CMS told him he had to pay and now hasn't worked for 4 years.

I have no idea where he is and I'm contemplating using a private detective to locate him. My fear is my daughter could put herself in a vulnerable position by trying to track him herself and contacting anyone with his name. I'd also like to prepare her for what the outcome could be if it's negative.

I'm stuck at what to do! He hasn't bothered for this long so why would he now? I can be honest with her now by saying I don't know where he is but if I find him I couldn't lie to her. I don't want to set her up for heartbreak but I do I feel she has a right to know him.🤯

OP posts:
lolo99 · 28/02/2023 22:02

Personally I wouldn’t look for him. She can do that when she is old enough to do it independently

Positivelymum · 28/02/2023 22:19

I understand that, my concern is as soon as she starts using social media she could speak to anyone with his name and it not be him. She will feel she's old enough to do it independently

OP posts:
Bunnyishotandcross · 28/02/2023 22:23

My dd found her df at 21...he filled her with all the generic shite.. Missed her. Been looking for her..
She dumped him when she realised there was no bond.. Said she had missed out on nothing and she walked away.
You give your ex too much status op.

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taxpayer1 · 01/03/2023 10:31

This sounds like a lie.

Positivelymum · 01/03/2023 16:55

taxpayer1 · 01/03/2023 10:31

This sounds like a lie.

Erm how?

OP posts:
Positivelymum · 01/03/2023 16:59

Bunnyishotandcross · 28/02/2023 22:23

My dd found her df at 21...he filled her with all the generic shite.. Missed her. Been looking for her..
She dumped him when she realised there was no bond.. Said she had missed out on nothing and she walked away.
You give your ex too much status op.

I can't foresee how it will go and will support her whatever she just chooses. I'm aware it's my fear. I think I do give him too much status, he's a waster in my eyes but I don't explain this to her as I feel it's important she makes her own judgements of him rather than me bad mouthing.

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