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Original poster

Thoughts and advice

20 replies

emmalucy27 · 28/02/2023 17:32

I am in search of some help. On my situation, I am feeling that people will not understand or be very judgemental. I am wanting to know if my situation is unheard of and will I be looked down on?
My daughter is 5 years old she lives with her SGO which I agreed to when she was born as I was suffering mental health problems and couldn't give her what she needed as a newborn. I have worked so hard to grow a healthy bond with my daughter over the years and we have regular contact. I have recently managed to gain access to her sleeping at my home every fortnight. I am alot more stable now and my daughter means the world to me.
I am currently in a loving relationship with a man who I adore we've been together 2 years I've known him for 5. I have found I am pregnant again and we so wish to get it all right this time.
I am so scared of the comments and opinions of others who do not understand my situation. I also don't want my daughter to feel that anything changes between me and her. We will always have mummy and daughter time.
Do I sound as though I have missed something or am I realistically thinking.
I understand that things will be difficult and believe when I say I know what stress is! I have bent over backwards to prove myself to my daughter and the services.

Thank you

OP posts:
cadburyluver · 28/02/2023 18:00

I remember you posted a short while ago op?

cadburyluver · 28/02/2023 18:00

If so I think you're going to get the same answers.....

ironhelp · 28/02/2023 18:20

I'm sorry but I don't understand what it is you are asking?

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Original poster
emmalucy27 · 28/02/2023 18:46

Does it make me look awful for moving on with a new man and am pregnant again. Knowing full well I cannot fight anymore for my daughter who will live with her SGO till she is 18.

OP posts:
ironhelp · 28/02/2023 18:48

I think that's really hard for us to decide.

Were you on drugs? In an Abusive relationship?
Did you abuse your child? Or allow someone else to abuse them?

Details matter in this situation. But a level of detail that you couldn't possibly give us.

Toffeebythesea · 28/02/2023 18:50

What does SGO stand for?

Original poster
emmalucy27 · 28/02/2023 18:53

No I was under alot of stress and confusion as my partner at that time was gambling our money away without telling me which ultimately made us lose our rented house. He was controlling and emotionally abusing me as I have autism aswel and struggle to comprehend things. I have learnt alot about myself and how to cope in the last 5 years whilst being committed to getting closer to my daughter

OP posts:
Springintoabetterlife · 28/02/2023 18:55

I don’t understand why you’re happy to only see your child every couple of weeks.

ironhelp · 28/02/2023 18:58

I think if things are as you say they are, you done the best thing possible for your daughter at the time. You continue to develop your relationship in a way that keeps her stability in her family home.

I don't think anyone would want you not to be able to move forward with your life. As long as like you say, you won't distance from your Daughter

ironhelp · 28/02/2023 19:00

@Springintoabetterlife I took from this that she is not happy, but is not allowed any more than that? I could of misunderstood the whole thing though.

ironhelp · 28/02/2023 19:01

@Toffeebythesea special guardianship order

Springintoabetterlife · 28/02/2023 19:03

ironhelp · 28/02/2023 19:00

@Springintoabetterlife I took from this that she is not happy, but is not allowed any more than that? I could of misunderstood the whole thing though.

Maybe. In which case there is more than just stress going on in the past.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/02/2023 19:06

Things may well change in your relationship with your daughter. That would be the case if she lived with you, it’s a big adjustment for any family. Will you still see as much of your daughter? Will you try and have alone time with her? How well does she know your new partner?

As you know, you can’t do anything about other people’s perceptions of your situation. It’s inevitable. But you don’t have to entertain them.

Hopefully you’re engaging with all the support available to you, I don’t know what that would be. Be honest with your midwife, accept support. Good luck.

smokeyrabbit · 28/02/2023 19:12

Will SS let this baby live with you if your daughter isn't allowed back?

Original poster
emmalucy27 · 28/02/2023 19:15

I'm not planning on changing anything with my daughter and now I have gained sleepover time with her I am planning to have the evenings as just me and her. We are all very close and support each other my daughter gets on very well with my partner.

OP posts:
notthisagainforest · 28/02/2023 19:19

I don't understand why you don't get your daughter back if you have changed your life as you say because of you havnt changed and you arnt realistic about this the baby won't be allowed to stay in your care.

Quitelikeit · 28/02/2023 19:22

If you have turned your life around then there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to have and keep another child.

You will be assessed though and your partner will be checked out.

I hope you are genuinely better as it is easy to feel fantastic when in love the hard times come when the baby arrives………

Quitelikeit · 28/02/2023 19:22

Also I’m assuming you are aware that SGOs can be altered?

twoandcooplease · 28/02/2023 19:26

It isn't fair for you to pause your life for 13 years until dd is 18
Are you a good mum to her? Will you keep being a good mum? If so then it's you who needs to accept this is ok to do, and is a good thing. You are happy and dd is in a safe environment seeing you regularly (which is great!)
Keep doing mummy-daughter things with her and make sure she doesn't feel left out. When she's older you can answer any questions she might have x
Congratulations x

Original poster
emmalucy27 · 28/02/2023 20:07

I'm not, but I also can't go any quicker than the system and cafcass are letting me. As it all has to be in the best interest of my daughter and not because I want something. She is only 5 years old

OP posts:
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