Is this too long for 15 month old baby to play by himself?

[christmasmagic]

Thoughts?

I do a night shift every Wednesday night, I get home around 8am and go to bed for 4/5 hours.

My boyfriend works from home on Thursdays so I can get some sleep.we have a play room for the baby and the dining table over the baby fence which is where my boyfriend works so he can watch him. My baby is 15 months and he's totally happy playing away with himself and my boyfriend will obv acknowledge him now and again whilst working.

But is this bad? My boyfriends sister asked how does he work when I'm in bed and I said he just plays away in the play room and she said "awww poor baby" and I do get guilty about it so I only ever really get a small amount of sleep because I'll be upstairs feeling bad about it and come down.

Is this a long time to just leave a baby to it by themself?

If the baby is getting nappy changes, snacks, breakfast, your partner stops to engage with him 5-10 min intervals and they have a nap during this time, then I don’t think it’s so bad. So long as your partner can see them properly it’s fine.

Sounds like you’re just making it work and as it’s once a week I couldn’t be concerned. I’d sleep peacefully and just make sure your partner knows to let you know if the arrangement becomes unmanageable.

I'm so surprised by these responses. Any mother who posts in here about WFH with a baby/child, gets slated and told they can't do it at all. But when a man does it, it's fine?!

My 17 month old is content to potter. He was difficult when he was younger but since he could walk at 12 months he's been very happy to entertain himself.

I imagine your morning is broken into chunks of time where he's pottering alone interspersed with your boyfriend tending to him and engaging with him. I can imagine it would be possible to get some work done in that time with a laid back toddler.

Our morning is like this at the moment:

6am: wake up
Cup of milk and 30 minutes of a favourite tv programme. If I needed to I could get a half hour of work done in this time.

7am: breakfast. We take an hour over breakfast time and general kitchen pottering while I wash and tidy up afterwards

8am: he plays for an hour to an hour easily by himself. He's had plenty of interaction with me and "helping" in the kitchen so he's happy by himself. He has free run of living room, hallway and his bedroom which are all baby-proof and the rest has baby gates. Sometimes he'll "help" me with laundry etc.

Again, if I wanted to I could get an hour of work done in this time.

9am: time for a second breakfast before we head out to a toddler group or to the park. Home for lunch and a nap at 12-2 when I'm sure I could again get work done.

Hardly a neglected child. But enough time to work for about 3/ 3 ½ hours if I absolutely had to. We wouldn't be able to stay in the entire time for 4-5 hours however. Our max time in the house is 3 hours before he needs to go outside for more space to run around.

My DH had no choice but to WFH the other week with my 17 month old, because I couldn’t get time off and he was sent home from nursery with a teething temp and excluded from coming home the next day. He wasn’t poorly however. Absolute carnage. And the fact that my toddler couldn’t get outside to run around drove them both mad. I hated knowing it was happening but we had no choice, and no other childcare. I would never want to do it as a regular thing.

*coming in the next day.

Happy- or learnt to accept limited interaction?

Hours alone with limited attention is not good. An occasional, one off emergency situation maybe, but not as a regular occurrence. It’s too long.

It's fine, it's once a week.

Babies get used to all sorts of things ...like those in the state orphanages in Romania who lay quietly in cots. Of course no stimulation or attention is bad for development being quiet doesn't equate with being happy or normal development.
I had a 3 year old in my care who was referred for assessments because he didn't speak, would repeatedly do the same 3 puzzles and watch endless Thomas the tank ....it turned out he was put in front of TV puzzles, drawing and told to shhh mummy sleeping as she slept on the sofa after her night shift. Just a conditioned child.

I was wondering when you were going to say your partner put the telly on for him...

Sounds absolutely fine and there are some total drama llamas on this thread!

1 morning a week, the baby potters around or watches TV with his dad right there, midway through has a nap and gets snacks and nappy changes.

If not giving a child 100% of your attention for a few hours a week was really a sign of neglect or would cause developmental delays, then basically everyone raised in previous generations was a victim.

It's not great but it's not the end of the world for one morning a week.

I don’t think it sounds bad for one morning a week. I’m just staggered a 15 month old will tolerate it. My 3 yo DS can manage about 20 mins entertaining himself with Lego now and he has to be in the mood. At 15 months his capacity for self entertainment was about 30 seconds!

OP I'd consider what you're going to do when he stops being content because it won't last long.

Back in the Victorian era he'd have been tied to a table leg and playing with a lump of coal...

My ML used to tie dh in his pram as he was too lively out of it! Hasn't done him too much harm...

If he's genuinely happy, fine. It's only one day a week.

You know it’s too long otherwise you wouldn’t be posting here. This scenario will work another 2-3 months max unless you put tv on non-stop. Book a childminder, poor baby deserves better than this. Don’t tell me you can’t afford a childminder when you both work.

I do think it’s a bit too long, I can’t imagine leaving an under 3 to play by themselves for 4-5 hours. Could you afford a nursery? you can catch up on sleep and your DH could work in peace. Ignoring a child for that long will have a negative impact on his mental health even if it’s later in life and the earlier we have trauma in our lives the harder it is to work through as an adult.

Have you applied for universal credits?
I think it pays for most of the cost of childcare so you can work.

Babies need stimulation, and positive stimulation that's how the pathways in the brain are formed. TV isn't good enough. I think just because your baby isn't crying it doesn't need it's ok.

I think looking at some childcare option while you get some sleep (which you definitely should get!) and your bf works would be the best option. Can the bf sister/family help? Do you have friends/family who could help? Please look into the universal credit help with childcare. I'm sure your baby would benefit going to a nursery or childminder a few hours a week more.

I don’t think this is acceptable. But it sounds like you’ve justified it to yourself and will continue, so what’s the point in asking?

I also question anybody that thinks ms Rachel is educational. Your toddler does not want/need a tv presenter to teach or educate them, they want their parent.

I would be concerned if a child that young wasn't being engaged in any active play for so long. Either they don't expect to be engaged with which is very concerning or they are an extreme outlier for their age. And no tv is Educational at that age! All research details the detrimental impact on speech, development and behavior.

Young children need engagement particularly at this age their brain is laying down pathways that set them up for life

I think you’d be better off putting him in nursery for the half day , it will certainly be better for the baby than the current regime .

There's a diff between 3 hours a week and full time tho. And whilst it's not ideal, it's also going to be a total nightmare to find childcare just for those hours.

OP it's fine. Presumably DS gets fed, watered and toileted and at that age will make it clear if he's unhappy.
It's one day. Sleep.

@christmasmagic It sounds like your baby is happy and content.

At his age he is still in the solitary play stage. Ignore anyone who tries to convince you that it’s not normal for your baby to be happy playing by themselves. It absolutely is normal.

Unoccupied Play (Birth-3 Months)

At this stage baby is just making a lot of movements with their arms, legs, hands, feet, etc. They are learning about and discovering how their body moves.

Solitary Play (Birth-2 Years)

This is the stage when a child plays alone. They are not interested in playing with others quite yet.

Spectator/Onlooker Behavior (2 Years)

During this stage a child begins to watch other children playing but does not play with them.

Parallel Play (2+ Years)

When a child plays alongside or near others but does not play with them this stage is referred to as parallel play.

Associate Play (3-4 Years)

When a child starts to interact with others during play, but there is not a large amount of interaction at this stage. A child might be doing an activity related to the kids around him, but might not actually be interacting with another child. For example, kids might all be playing on the same piece of playground equipment but all doing different things like climbing, swinging, etc.

Cooperative Play (4+ Years)

When a child plays together with others and has interest in both the activity and other children involved in playing they are participating in cooperative play.

pathways.org/kids-learn-play-6-stages-play-development/

Whatever works for you. with our 3 youngest under 2 ours have almost the whole of downstairs all saftied up and they will play for 2-3 hours very happily. I just keep popping my head in in-between housework only time they aren't happy is if ill then its just a cuddles day. I commend you on having a young one who can entertain itself I find its so much better than a needy child who hangs off your leg whinging all day

So the other 6 1/2 days he had full interaction fro his parents, but the one half a, day when his Mom napped caused his development issues? Because thsts what op is talking about. 3 hours Inc a snack, a changes, a nap and Dad sneaking out to play

I think the main concern is, it is quite unlikely to last. I know very few toddlers who would tolerate this arrangement for more than about twenty minutes. I am constantly having to peel mine off of the furniture or anything he thinks he might be able to climb, or distract him from lobbing his toys across the room.