Strange comment from my mum about my 3yo

[hiraethx]

My mum babysat my 3 year old for a night and when she dropped him back she made a comment about how she thinks he needs to be circumcised for medical reasons and that he has the same thing my brother had as a baby where his foreskin is too tight and can't be pulled back. Thought it was a weird thing to say but just sort of ignored it. Spoke to my husband who was quite concerned that she's tried to pull it back for her to be saying it can't be pulled back and saying theres absolutely no reason to be doing that.

It's all a bit weird but he's really not happy about it and I do find it a bit odd. I'm not suggesting it's anything dodgy I know she's not a paedophile or anything crazy but it does feel like she has massively overstepped if she has done anything like that. Do I address it with her?

Oh please. The correct way is to bring the concern to the parents attention. Not assume the role of the parent.

Has he a problem with peeing or is the flow normal with no ballooning? Mine had problems with this and it became apparent once out of nappies.
He was put under anaesthetic to try to stretch it which failed and then was circumcised. He was four by then and it was painful and traumatic but solved the problem. Maybe his grandmother spotted some ballooning. Ask her.

No, you take her experienced heads-up to your GP doctor to take a look.

One of my sons had exactly that problem ; after repeated painful infections he was circumcised at age 3 (on advice of GP and referral). The younger the better. He took it in his stride, was absolutely fine. Now adult father with active sex life.

My ds had the same issue and turns out to be phimosis. After the area got infected many times, ballooning and discomfort during pee and failed attempts of potty train, he had circumcision after our NHS doctor advised us but told us to go private as it would be years. Ds had the procedure and was potty trained immediately. Even my DH didn't notice his own sons genital area despite changing nappies because he never experienced this himself. I think your mum knows this from your brother and didn't have a clue until your brother needed it for medical reasons and now she's concerned that it might be a similar lived experience. I think if she was actively looking at it she would have mentioned it before if she'd looked after him?

She didn't need to touch him to try to help though!

A quick google would have told her that often the foreskin of babies & young boys often doesn't retract & that that is OK!

Ballooning alone would not generally be considered a problem nowadays. Small amounts of retained urine can occasionally cause infection but it is usually easily treated and rarely requires surgery. Lots of resources from up to date reputable medical sources available online but this us what the NHS website says
"How the foreskin develops
It's normal for a baby boy's foreskin not to pull back (retract) for the first few years of life.

Around the age of 3 – or later, in some cases – the foreskin should start to separate naturally from the head of the penis (glans). Full separation occurs in most boys by the age of 5 years.

For some boys, the foreskin can take longer to separate, but this does not mean there's a problem and it will usually just detach at a later stage.

As the foreskin starts to separate from the head of the penis, you may see the foreskin "ballooning out" when your son passes urine. This can occasionally lead to infection (balanitis), but this ballooning usually settles down with time.

Never try to force your son's foreskin back, as it may be painful and damage the foreskin."

This is Australian, but very much aligns to the practice of all the urologists I worked with in the last decade or so.
www.rch.org.au/clinicalguide/guideline_index/The_penis_and_foreskin/

Obviously some small boys do need circumcising but it is far fewer than we believed even in the relatively recent past.

I would be worried that she’s tried and that she might have caused damage.
Which would then make me wonder if she caused your brothers problems.

From lack of knowledge that it. I’m not accusing her of anything malicious.

I feel sorry for your mum. Clearly you've been using her quite happily for childcare since he was a baby? She's noticed something your brother had. I'd also be concerned. I'm more concerned you and your husband haven't noticed it til she mentioned it! Have you not been cleaning your child since a baby?

oh don't be so bloody ridiculous!!! That's actually hilarious that you think that. Jeez.

I'm more concerned you and your husband haven't noticed it til she mentioned it!

Noticed what?

That a foreskin that doesn't need to be pulled back can't be pulled back??

Yes we clean him but I don't go trying to pull his foreskin back

My 3 year old has this problem, he has just had an infection in his penis and the nurse told me that I should be pulling it back to stretch it a bit and to clean around it.

If your mum went through this with your brother, it could be something she may be mindful of.

If this happened to me regarding my mum and son, I wouldn't even consider it being strange.

What is your Rel like with your mum

what is your husbands?

I wouldn't be too upset but ideally what she should have done is said 'we have a family history of tight foreskin which can lead to a lot of pain and discomfort, I think you should check if you can pull his fire skin back easily and ask your GP for advice if not'

I am the mother to 3 boys and have never heard of this so when bathing them had no clue. They are now grown and, as far as I know, and they are very open about EVery thing, they have no problems penis wise!
I would regard it as very abnormal to be investigating anything like that!

Why is it ridiculous? Premature foreskin retraction can cause long term damage (including phimosis).

I wouldn't be pleased.

I think that generation were taught to do that with baby boys in order to make sure they were cleaned properly during a nappy change. When I say taught - back in the day 1950s - 1980's - women literally stayed in the hospital for good few days even after a straight forward delivery and had midwives show them how to take care of their babies, do nappy changes etc.

My Mum has said the same thing and one of my brothers had to have the snip as a baby.

Its odd to us now but commonplace them.

So I guess she just went about doing a nappy change the way she was taught to do a nappy change and noticed it?