Asked to collect baby early?

[butterfly245]

DS is eleven months and has been settling into nursery for a few weeks. He’s had several half days and one long. Yesterday was his first “official” day and my first day back to work.

After lunch they call me to ask him to collect early because he is being too clingy to one member of staff, as in physically next to her constantly and she can’t focus her attention on the other babies as much. I picked him up 2 1/2 hours early and today he’s finishing one hour earlier.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do to address this problem? Am I within my rights to ask them to keep him in if it happens again as me and DH can’t always finish work early. I could understand if he was distraught or sick but it feels to me like this is on the nursery to sort out?

Blimey, that's shockingly rubbish. A nursery which can't deal with a baby acting like a baby. No idea where you stand but just wanted to say how bad it looks on them.

This is Bowlby's attachment theory and why we have a specific person who helps the child settle in. Your little one just needs the person who makes him feel safe in your absence.
Shocked that the nursery staff think this is a problem.

A nursery can't deal with a child having a preferred member of staff and wanting to stay near them on their first full day?

I wouldn't be happy being asked to pick my child up early for that. And I wouldn't have agreed to arrange an earlier finish the next day, why can't they wait and see what happens today?

I had this.

I moved nurseries.

They started calling me every day to collect DD 11 months because they said she was too upset (which is SHIT language to use, a proper nursery is there to diplomatically comfort you e.g say 'Unsettled' and then tell me what they were doing to make her happier.

Its a BABY. They are trying to form an attachment to a keyworker.

You can either address it head on and tell them its not acceptable, its literally their job to comfort your baby.

Or, and this would be me, I would be looking at another nursery.

Surely that's why they have a keyworker babies do get attached to people. My friends baby became very attached to one worker at the nursery who wasn't her keyworker and they actually changed her over to her as she obviously had a stronger bond with her. She would also sometimes stay half an hour late so she could be there until my friend picked her up as she didn't want to be with anyone else. That is a good nursery/nursery worker.

Thanks for the replies, I would rather not change yet as we’d have to start this process all over again and whilst I’m trying to juggle work. I think trying to tackle it first and being firm is a good starting point. I expected some phone calls in his first week so I am more willing to do it now but not if it continues. I’ll wait and see if there’s a phone call today…

True, we may have all jumped the gun there for you.

Never be afraid to be direct with nursery. You pay them alot of money! They are there for you, not vice versa

DS’s preschool wouldn’t contact me to collect him if he was being clingy, but they would if he had been crying for long periods and couldn’t be consoled. Was he crying? If it was simply a case of being “clingy” with one member of staff then the nursery are being unreasonable in contacting you and they sound a bit shit to be honest! As PP said it’s normal and healthy behaviour for them to be attached to one key worker in particular.

It was a bit of both, they described him as unsettled and unhappy, and then said he is clingy to one person. When I picked him up she demonstrated how close he wanted to be to her (i.e. stood very very close!). The main thing they focused on though was how attached he was to this person.

I think you can address it head on but if that is the understanding and approach of the place, and condoned by the manager, im not sure you'll get far. I'd start looking for an alternative at the same time if I were you, they sound clueless. Our daughter started at 7 months, had a keyworker who she was encouraged to form attachments to. I never once had a phonecall like that. Sounds very odd.

Would you consider a child minder instead of nursery? It's a smaller setting and less children to deal with & they don't have to deal with lots of staff.

What utter rubbish. You collect early if they are unwell, nothing else.

I'd consider changing to a childminder, as that will allow him to build up a close relationship with one individual, who will be able to give him the attention he needs within a much smaller setting.

Regardless, i wouldn't let him stay at that nursery as they seem totally unaware of a baby's need for attachment, and that concerns me.

Having this issue with nursery too. My kids have been there a month (2 days a week) and there's only been one day where they haven't phoned one of us to pick up early. We get 'he's not himself' as an excuse to send him home or 'he's being very clingy so must be unwell'. Yesterday it was 'suspected chickenpox' despite DS actually having none of the NHS cited symptoms.

It's pissing me off massively especially as we didn't even need childcare this month, but they weren't willing to hold our place for a few extra weeks.

Maybe a childminder would be better? My 2 loved their childminder.

The Childminders around here were even more expensive. It hasn’t happened today or yesterday so I’m hoping it’s just teething problems. There seems to be different staff on the Monday so I wonder if it’s down to personality of the staff. The woman who’s brought him out the past two days has said he’s been great.

Why would you want to leave your baby with people who don’t understand the needs of babies? Never mind “being firm” with them, surely you want people who actually look after your baby and respond to their needs, without needing to be told?

I’d absolutely change nurseries personally

Refuse to collect unless unwell.