Hey I have read a lot of advice here but as a dad I've always been a little hesitant to seek advice. However, I am struggling to find advice or help on my current situation.
Without writing the Bible I will try to list a timeline of my situation and I hope it makes sense and someone might be able to offer their advice.
August 2018 - Met my son's mother.
June 2019 - Our son was born.
March 2020 - My son's mother split with me out of nowhere, turns out she was cheating.
June 2020 - Son's mother introduces new boyfriend and allows him to take our son out alone.
July 2020 - I confront son's mother to stress my concerns with her lack of care letting our son be alone with someone she has known for just over a month.
December 2020 - I receive a notice that my son's mother is filing a non-molestation order against me full of false allegations.
January 2021 - I meet my current wife.
April 2021 - after months of court hearings and defending each allegation made, I provide 180 pieces of evidence to disprove the false allegations, the court denies the case be thrown out at son's mother's request - twice and the final verdict is that the order be denied due to, well, it was all malicious.
June 2021 - son's mother has child with new partner.
All is going okay for a while. Son has developed a bond with his little brothers father, hard to swallow at first but ultimately I was really happy for him and got along with the father of his brother.
May 2022 - Son's mother leaves new partner.
June 2022 - Myself and my now wife have our son.
July/August 2022 - son's mother signs him up for a school without notifying me.
November 2022 - I get married, son's mother messages saying that she should have been made aware.
December 2022 - I discover son's mother has had a new partner since November 2022 through him saying he has been sleeping in mamas bed.
January 2022 - Son tells me how his mother's new partner is taking him to school without mother present.
I think I have included the important parts, maybe the problems will be evident but here are my main concerns;
- Son's mother is creating a continuously unstable environment for him and it shows when he gets upset when it's time to drop him off at her house.
- Son gets upset when talking about his brothers father as he doesn't take him with his brother anymore and the family that he was introduced to (on his brothers fathers side) are no longer involved with him.
- Son's mother seems to not think about who she is leaving our son with or having him around. He is 3 years old and has now had 3 father figures including myself introduced into his mother's home.
- Son's mother has never worked and doesn't drive so refuses to travel to take our son to school anywhere further than a short bus journey away which means myself and my wife are now relocating closer to his school as per her preference.
I genuinely feel like I'm going round in circles with her and I can see that is already affecting our son. I would never choose to have her completely out of his life even if it was possible as I know every child is better off with both parents however I feel like I have a responsibility to provide him with the stability and care that seems to be lacking from her side.
I am on his birth certificate so I have equal parental responsibility and we currently have a 50/50 arrangement but I have a call with a family lawyer tomorrow to repeat this information and see what I can do about the situation. Ideally he would live primarily with us and his mother would have free access to see him but as far as the stability situation, I would prefer he doesn't spend more than 1 night a week there if possible.
I guess I'd just like to know if I'm being unreasonable and if I'm overreacting or if my concerns are valid - I know there are a lot more mum's on here so hopefully I can get a completely unbias response unlike that I might receive on a dad heavy forum.
Thank you in advance!
Also sorry for all the "son's mother" and "brothers father", I have never understood the abbreviations but hopefully I'll pick them up 🤣