Newborn won’t settle with anyone else - going mad!

[Anonymouslyposting]

This is my second baby so I should know the drill by now and generally I’m doing much better this time round but having a bit of a low moment right now.

DS is four weeks old, is gaining weight well and is generally lovely. However, he is attached to my boobs 20+ hours a day! Sometimes he falls off when he’s gone to sleep but mostly he sleeps latched on, if I try to remove him once he’s fallen asleep he screams. If I hold him without feeding, he screams. If I give him to someone else, he screams. If I put him down, he screams. I’ve got nipple fissures (which do finally seem to be healing) and have had blocked ducts on and off for the last few days so my breasts are very uncomfortable for feeding.

I am exhausted. I coslept with my eldest and will do so again but would like to wait until he can roll over and move his head properly if he gets into a difficult position so that’s a few months away. So the only sleep I get is when DH can watch us both sleeping (with DS latched on) to make sure he’s in a safe position.

I expected and can live with the lack of sleep but I swear my elder one would at least lie on other people, or sleep on me without being latched on.

Is this normal? Anyone have any idea how long it’s likely to go on? Any tips?

I developed quite bad post natal depression and anxiety with my older baby and really don’t want to go down that path again but the relentlessness is getting to me.

Reading up on the fourth trimester really helped me.

Very very normal!💐 it is tough, that said I only have one and unsure I could do it again.

Congratulations on your new LO!

My first was like this and it turned out to be Tongue Tie.

Does your LO have any of these symptoms?

@PritiPatelsMaker he was checked for tongue tie by a midwife at the hospital but quite a few of these symptoms seem familiar. How did you go about getting it diagnosed? Is it a question for the gp, a midwife or a lactation consultant?

@ElmtreeMama thank you! Hopefully it is just a fourth trimester thing and he’ll grow out of it - it’s just so hard to remind yourself of that in the moment.

My second was also like this and also a boy, he was nicknamed the ginger whinger for the first 9 months of his life. Co-sleeping from the start was the only thing that got us through. I also took extra long showers as it meant the noise of the shower drowned out his grizzling as DH tried to placate him. DH would also take him out for a drive as the car would settle him and I'd get half hours peace. He's now 20 months and a delight (most of the time) so it does get better it just doesn't feel like it in those early days.

Dummy? My ebf all had one.. Never had any issues with bf or giving them up later on!

I mean, DS did exactly this and I think it was normal. He was quite high needs, knew exactly what he wanted and loved to be latched on (but point blank refused a dummy). I could hold him without him screaming for boob by maybe 7 or 8 weeks?

Contact the midwife/hospital and ask him to be seen by a feeding specialist to double check for a less obvious tongue tie.

Sounds incredibly tough

Sounds exactly like my second! I coslept from birth even in hospital. He slept with me until he started sleeping through at a year old. There are safe ways to do it. When he was very little he would fall asleep feeding and I'd then very gradually move away. Once he got older he was able to feed from either breast whilst I slept on my side without me really needing to wake, which was lucky because when he was teething at 6 months he basically fed on and off the whole night. So i don't really have any advice apart from maybe try cosleeping now and just embrace the having to sit down and rest whilst he sleeps on you during the day.

Not disagreeing with the people above saying this is normal fourth trimester behaviour to want to be permanently attached, but I did wonder, if he's latched on so much but you're getting blocked ducts is he feeding efficiently? My first had a tongue tie that we were told was fine because his weight gain was fine, but he definitely had to feed a lot more frequently to get the right volume of milk. Fwiw I used to do a dummy trick with him, where once I knew he'd eaten enough I'd hold him up to the breast as if to feed him and pop a dummy in at the last moment...worked approx 70% of the time

But sympathies OP; it sounds exhausting.

Definitely check tongue tie. Our DS is 15 weeks and midwives said no tongue tie. Saw a specialist who said it was definitely one and snipped it.

Agree with Random. Try contacting your Infant Feeding Team or you could contact a Tongue Tie Practitioner

@Anonymouslyposting id take him to see a cranial osteopath! My daughter was like this for 12 weeks, I was utterly broken and everyone kept saying, read up on the fourth trimester, it’s cluster feeding, enjoy the cuddles…20-22 hours a day was too much!

Two sessions with the osteopath and I had a happy baby who was happy to nap in a snooze pod or oh my wife. Listen to your gut on this if it’s your second.

Have you tried a dummy instead of boob

This is very normal, sounds like you just had an easier first one. Hang in there! As you know, it's all a phase...!

Seems to me he doesn't get enough milk out. My baby girl was the same: attached to my boobs all the time!
I ended up topping giving formula after each feed and that was the best decision I ever made! She clearly couldn't get enough milk out as she always drank it afterwards.
I'm propably gonna get the "formula is the Devil's made" comments here BUT my baby girl was sleeping and happy; not screamy and only wanting boobs. We're both were much happier as I also got my sleep back 🙂

Oh sorry missed your point at the end about PND. Totally understand - but focus on your triggers and get all the help you need in (friends/relatives/etc) so you can get some sleep

My oldest was like this. We co-slept from birth even in the hospital too. Otherwise I would have fallen asleep sitting up with her which is dangerous. It was just me and the baby in bed, I wore warm PJs so I didn't need much bedding. Duvet between my legs. Pillow away from baby etc. She eventually started going in the cot for some of the night at 6 month and slept though before her 1st birthday she got better in the day much sooner. She's now very independent!

Thank you so much everyone, feel better already with possible things to look into and just having a reminder that others have had the same - I’ll speak to the infant feeding team and look into a cranial osteopath tomorrow.

He’s definitely getting enough food even if he’s not getting it efficiently - he’s gained 200-280g a week for the last three weeks - so I guess that’s the most important thing.

To add to all the advice about feeding, if you feel your mental health slipping, please go and see your GP sooner rather than later. I had awful PNA with my first and got help much quicker with my second once I recognised what was happening. I hope you get some rest and congratulations on your baby

Try a dummy?

All of the mums at NCT group recommended the 7pm to 7am Sleeping Baby Routine: The no-cry plan to help your baby sleep through the night book so I tried it and it worked after a few weeks, now my little one takes most of her milk and sleeps well. The only other thing is she suffered from tummy pains so we used the Infacol which worked really well. Hope this helps.