Parenting as a reactive mum

[emilybrook]

My LO is 9 months old and most of the time I find it easy to cope when she’s having an off day. However recently I’ve found that I have been close to snapping on a few occasions which I really don’t think warrant if.

For example, last night she slept terribly and hasn’t been herself today. I found myself bursting into tears, having to walk away and take deep breaths. I don’t feel like I’m resilient enough to be a mum and I haven’t even got to the toddler stage.

I think this is partly due to genetics/the environment I grew up in, with a very reactive parent. I don’t want to get upset at my daughter when she’s having an off day. Anybody who has felt similar found any strategies that helped them get through stressful periods of parenting?

Don't beat yourself up.
I found the toddler stage easier than baby stage to be honest so no need to worry about the future.
What you did was spot on, deep breath and reminding yourself that she's a baby.

You're also allowed to have an off day. Start to be gentle with yourself about your off day. Then you'll find it easier to accept her off days.
Best of luck x

Why does everyone bang on about terrible twos and the like. It's bullshit. Like pp I found toddler onwards much easier as they can communicate better. To put your mind at rest, we all feel like you do sometimes and you're doing the right thing stepping away and gathering yourself.

Same rule for us parents as for our kids when we they get upset - we need to get our pre frontal cortexes engaged so we're less reactive.

Physical input helps to bring us back - have a cold drink, rub your hands together, squeeze a stress ball, pat your body, hug yourself. You'll feel much calmer and be able to think

Thank you. Found these comments really helpful. I guess nowadays with social media there’s so much pressure to be a gentle parent and to always stay calm with kids outbursts! I’m sure I’ll get there and feel more in control but I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing for now.

Of course you're a great Mum, the fact you're reflecting on what challenges you shows that.
Babies are bloody hard work, you can't reason with them, they don't sleep as planned, they ate little dictators.

You just sound tired, be easy on yourself, put some cartoons on and have a cup of tea.

Even NHS guidance says when you're feeling upset or frustrated, put baby in a safe place like cot or play pen and step away, take some deep breaths or have a quick cup of tea to calm yourself down, then return to them. We all have off days, and social media will just make you feel so much worse when it looks like everyone else is calm with perfectly behaved babies, when all the parents I know are pretty much making it up as they go.

I've read a couple of Sarah Ockwell-Smith's gentle parenting books and the one I found most helpful was How to Be A Calmer Parent, where she admits she's a shouty parent.