Shall I hold off nursery for my 2 year old?

[MumOfTwoBeans]

Hi, my son has just turned 2. I was thinking of enrolling him into nursery after Easter to help him with his speech and so he can mix with kids and get him out the house

I have a 7 week old daughter though and I’m worried about her getting sick if I send him since I’ve heard about nursery kids getting sick constantly which is putting me off!

Shall I hold off for a year or so? My daughter will only be 3 months old at the time so I worry about covid, chicken pox and mumps etc

What would you do?

I'd send him. They need to start at some point and it'll boost their immune systems. The benefits outweigh the risks imo.

I'm assuming he's fully vaccinated so mumps shouldn't be a worry.

You can also vaccinate against chicken pox so that would remove that issue too.

FWIW my eldest was at nursery when I had my second. I don't think my second got sick more often that she would have if he was at home. We went to loads of groups together so was exposed to bugs that way too.

I also had a cold when I gave birth so she had her first cold at a few days old.

Both of ours were very sick from nursery. It’s hellish. I’ve decided not to send my two year old. She can socialise at playgroups. I would vaccinate both of your kids against chicken pox. It can be awful particularly in babies.

Is your son behind in his speech? If so I would prioritise nursery. Even if it’s just a few mornings a week.

I don't think nursery is that important for socialising and speech at just turned two, one to one with an adult is far better for speech and language development than being in a group of children. If you don't need him to go for childcare reasons, it's fine to leave nursery until the year before they start school, when they get their free 15 hours.

100% send him in. My 3 year old goes 3 days a week while I'm on maternity leave with my 5 month old. I'd send her every day if I could!

I don't think nursery helps with speech tbh unless a child is getting no attention at home. My son has glue ear and a speech delay and he can't hear well at preschool, plus the ratios mean he's spoken to less anyway, so being at home with me is actually better for his speech. He's 3.5 though so he goes 4 mornings but he only started age 3.

Nursery illness is real. We've had back to back nasties and none of us have been well since DC started last year.

If you can - I'd hold back. I don't think you need to hold back for a year.....but I'd hold back till your baby is over 3months and you're able to give her calpol at least if she gets poorly and she'll have had more of her vaccines and her airways are better developed.

I'd also go slowly. Financially, there's just no point commiting to full time - trust me he'll barely be in because of the illnesses.

Start with one morning a week. Then 2 mornings a week and build from there.

You're better waiting till the weather warms up too as they'll spend more time outside which helps and also at home when your son is full of snot you can have the windows open and be outside more.

I only wish someone had been this straight up with me because then I would have put my DC in nursery at 7months for 1 morning a week. Rather than full time from 12 months because I've barely been able to work with all the sickness.

Like I say, I don't think you need to wait till your newborn is 1yr old. Middle ground is start sending him when your newborn is past 3 months and start him off slow. That would be what I would do in your shoes anyway.

I chose to send DS for 2 mornings a week at just turned 2. It’s been great and he loves it.

Why are you worried about mumps though? If DS hasn’t had his routine vaccines then I’d get that sorted ASAP. If he has then it shouldn’t be a concern. You can also privately vaccinate against chickenpox which I’d recommend because in theory he could pick that up anywhere, at a toddler group for instance. I haven’t found other illnesses too bad actually but it’s a very small preschool and DS’s immune system has already been put through its paces by his school age sister!

I would send him. My first was a lockdown baby, didn't get ill at all in his first year (not even a cold) and then when I returned to work and he started nursery he was solidly unwell for about 6 months - not exaggerating! It was so difficult to manage being off work to care for him. I even went to the GP as I was worried there was something wrong with his immune system but the GP said it was totally normal for lockdown babies. My second has already had a range of illnesses at 10 months old and so I know it won't be such a shock to his immune system when he starts nursery. They are going to get sick eventually when they come into contact with any bugs so best just get it started sooner rather than later!

But it's not about DS getting sick. That's inevitable. It's about the OP having a 7week old baby at home. Kids have got to get ill, I totally get it. But it's a different kettle of fish having a 7week old baby with RSV, covid, strep A, and other respiratory illnesses than a 2yr old. For a start you can't medicate them. It's an instant referral to hospital for a newborn with a temperature until the baby is past 3 months.

I get some parents have no choice, but if you have the choice, I'd definitely wait 5 more weeks till you're out of the newborn phase before starting him off.

DC1 brought everything known to man into the house when they started nursery and carried on going when DC2 was born. DC2 then started and again caught everything possible. However, DC1 had no time off school sick until mid way through Y2 and had no medicine at all from just over age 2 until age 7 when they could take half a paracetamol. They will all go through a stage of catching everything- better nursery than school.

If your DS seems ready for nursery I think it’d be really unfair of you to keep him home for another year for the reasons given. Other young babies with siblings at nursery and school survive and your baby will too.

@ThepicofmyhairymingeprovesIamsober fair? I’d say a toddler at home having one to one time and care from its mother is pretty lucky.

I would hold off if you can. It is better for your eldest to avoid infection for longer (and definitely better for the newborn to not catch them off eldest), and immunity to RSV, COVID etc is short lived. Also COVID weakens immune systems leaving them vulnerable to every thing else going around. There's no wonder everyone has been so sick this winter.

Data from Denmark showed that lockdown babies that caught RSV a year later than they normally would have (because they couldn't be sent to nursery due to lockdown) were less likely to require hospitalization. And RSV in babies under 6 months has worse outcomes because their airways are narrower.

I'd also vaccinate eldest against chickenpox.

@Eatentoomanyroses agree. Also staying at home doesn't mean being locked inside with no socialising. There's still the option of going to playgroups, playgrounds, playdates etc to meet other kids.

I wouldn't.

I held off sending my eldest as my second was born just after the would be start date.

When the next year rolled round the nursery bugs brought home were constant. I would have hated to be dealing with that and a newborn / young baby. We are a year into nursery now and we still have one bug a month minimum.

Nursery all the way.

Get him vaccinated against chicken pox first

exactly. You could go to three play groups/ activities a day and it still wouldn’t cost you anywhere near what nursery does. In my area there are toddler gym classes, messy play even cookery classes as well as the bog standard church group type play groups. Not going to nursery doesn’t mean they’re a hermit with no stimulation. My toddler and I actually have a very nice little schedule

One to one care? What does OP intend to do with her baby DD then?

But what about the germs?

I would say wait until baby has had all their vaccinations.

DD1 was 18 months when DD2 was born and I kept her at nursery. I didn't have a choice, because there's no way I could cope with 2 under 2 on my own 5 days a week.

DD2 had the odd cold, but when she was 6 weeks she was admitted into hospital with a high temperature. She was treated with antibiotics as a precaution and luckily it turned out to be nothing. Docs said she probably had something viral. I was in with her for 3 nights in total.

I can't tell you how awful it is seeing your tiny baby have cannulas for meds and bloods. And the guilt thinking that you have passed something onto them is awful.

First thing’s first, can you get a nursery place? Ours isn’t accepting any children until September 2024.
Nursery has been brilliant for DS and I won’t be taking him out when DC2 is born. But he is always sick.

I would hold off. He will definitely be ill a lot. Also age two is a tricky age to settle into nursery