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DD suddenly distraught at nursery

8 replies

bettymoo212 · 27/02/2023 11:56

My DD2.5 has been going to the same nursery since she was 10 months old. She goes 9-5 four days a week and, although it took her a few months to settle at drop off initially, has been extremely happy there since she was around 18 months - running in in the morning excited to see her friends, not wanting to come home in the evenings, asking to go at weekends, etc.

She is generally a very happy, confident, bubbly, talkative child at home.

For the past week it’s almost as though she’s had a personality transplant! As soon as she realises we’re taking her to nursery she becomes distraught, asking to stay at home with mummy. She is getting very distressed at drop off and for two days last week I had to go and collect her after just a couple of hours because she would not stop sobbing and clinging to staff and asking for mummy.

She has become quite and withdrawn at home too and repeatedly says she wants to stay with mummy.

She has a new, 9 week old baby sister so I assume all of this is just a delayed response to that. It is so out of character for her and is heartbreaking to see. Her dad and I are giving her as much love and cuddles and reassurance as we can at home.

Ordinarily she really loves nursery so I don’t think the answer is to pull her out. I will need her to go there when I return to work in a few months so ideally need to find a way to get her happy there again. The nursery staff are lovely and can’t think of anything that might have upset her there.

Has anyone been through sudden and extreme nursery refusal? Any tips for dealing with this? My heart is breaking for her at the moment.

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wildseas · 27/02/2023 12:07

I would try to go back to the feeling of the old routine for a couple of weeks and see if that helps.

Eg you get ready “for work” and dd gets ready for nursery. New baby stays with dh and you take dd, drop off and say “see you after work “

mynameiscalypso · 27/02/2023 12:09

I haven't personally but I know that one of the boys in my DS' class at nursery had exactly the same reaction when his baby sister was born. The drop offs were horrendous for them but it did pass in time. The nursery did a lot of work with the whole class about babies and families and siblings which seemed to help a bit with the transition and he's absolutely fine with nursery now.

FlounderingFruitcake · 27/02/2023 12:11

We’ve had phases and it was always immediately after DH went away for work, so I think she didn’t trust that he’d pick her up at the end of the day. It was fine when I dropped her so we just reworked the schedule for a bit so I did all the drop offs. I’m wondering if you could drop her off without baby who stays with DH? Since in your case the trigger seems to be that baby gets to spend time with mummy and she doesn’t.

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bettymoo212 · 27/02/2023 12:17

Thanks for the replies. Her dad and I have both tried dropping her off (always without the baby) with the same result. If she was only upset at drop off I wouldn’t be so worried, but according to the nursery staff she’s been sobbing on and off and asking for me the entire time she’s been there. Really hoping this is a short lived phase!

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EezyOozy · 27/02/2023 12:19

If it's only been going on a week could she be unwell/about to come down with something?

bettymoo212 · 27/02/2023 12:28

Possibly, although she’s showing no outward signs of being unwell. I hope it is that!

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sjxoxo · 27/03/2023 06:04

Any other changes at nursery? Staff etc?
I would expect it’s the new baby and she’s feeling experiencing sharing her parents for the first time. Hard.. sounds like you’re doing everything right to me and hopefully will pass with time. Can she explain atall what’s bothering her? I’d try and get her to show me xxx

snitzelvoncrumb · 27/03/2023 06:09

This does happen. How supportive are nursery being? There are a few things they could do drop off, have a special toy ready if possible her favourite carer. Maybe having or not having which ever works babies to play with. Could you bring a family photo in for her to look at if she wants to?

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