Screen time limits - help!

[NottingHillMama]

Really feeling like I am failing as a parent today. I have twin boys who are almost 5 and they are allowed to use their Amazon kids tablets at the weekend which they have started to play games on. We also have a daughter who has just turned 2. Over the Christmas holidays/the winter the use of them seems to have escalated and despite us communicating clear limits and them agreeing to the limits in advance they have massive tantrums and meltdowns and I think what started off as a tool to help us get a bit of a break/something they enjoyed is having a really detrimental effect on their behaviour. I love my boys but they can be very challenging at times and it can feel like an emotionally abusive relationship with two tiny terrorists!

Any advice or wisdom would be greatly received!

I found when Dd was like this I had to remove all access to the tablet. Just put it away and dealt with the tantrums for a few days. It reset her and after about a month I slowly reintroduced it. If I find it’s getting out of control it goes away again.

Also limit access to YouTube. I found it makes DD’s behaviours awful! So she’s only allowed CBeebies and Disney stuff now and it does help.

You have a set number of minutes and when that's over they turn it off. If there's a tantrum they lose the next session. Simple. You must lay down the law now and stick to it. It gives them responsibility as they have to learn to adapt to the routine. Screen time will only increase as they get older. Were always been very firm about boundaries on screen and whilst there are sometimes mumbles of objection they know they have to do it because it's what we've always done.

At that age I would say 15 -30 minute slots, three times a day is fine. Don't be tempted to leave them at any one session for longer. The longer they're on, the grumpier they'll be when you tell them to turn it off.

Thanks so much for your help and advice. They are only allowed to use them at the weekend and are allowed 20 mins tv (one show which is usually around that time) after dinner before bath.

I think we will just come up with a plan which we need to clearly communicate to them and then at least we have properly explained this. I have been shocked at how quickly it has escalated and how it affects their behaviour. One of our twins can be very tenacious and might tantrum for over an hour which is very wearing...

Give them a 5 minute and 1 minute warning before they go off.

Yes the countdown is helpful to them. I used a big digital kitchen timer so Dd can clearly see how long is left. And give verbal updates.

Have a total week off screens. That means all screens. It’s harder for you but it helps to reset. Then, ask them to suggest new rules themselves. Make it into a poster involving them and return to it if they protest when time is up.

Or just don’t limit them. Problem solved. Even my very screen addicted older one who likely has ASD is a thousand times better and happier with no limits and engages far more in the rest of life. The other one who doesn’t have ASD is take them or leave them about screens and is infact a total nuisance when you want a break because she doesn’t want to go on her iPad. Why create problems?

Depends on the child-if you don't limit it, some children will choose only screens.

For lent we took away the two younger children’s tablets. Within four days they were playing together and totally changed children. They’re 8 and 10. I say take them away altogether for a few years and instead let their screen time be tv! (You might think I’m extreme but you just have to see my 13yo and 15yo who are hooked into the matrix and need constant reminders that screens are making them lose focus, turning their eyes red and giving them black circles and making them irritable (understatement of the decade!)

I find with my DD if the time i allow is too little it makes it worse as she craves it more.

You can set limits on the kindle automatically for it to switch on and off. And yes to 5/1 minute warnings, but also look at what they are doing. If they are 10mins from the end of an episode and you say 5 min warning they will likely have a tantrum when they miss the ending, so i always say when episode finiahes turn it off etc

Yes we've never bought tablets for our children (9, 9, 11) and they're incredibly imaginative and very rarely bored and never ask for screens (apart from some tv time in the evening).

At that age I think it's easier to impose limits. My children are older (12 and 10) and we don't actually have limits. However, if I feel they've been on it too long I'll make them have a break, for example, play a board game, do something crafty. I make sure they have plenty of fresh air and exercise each day. We have a lot of days out. When they're at home, as long as there's no home work, I just let them get on with it.

I used to only allow tablets after 4pm and then on a time limit that was very clear. Otherwise the taking away of the tablet would be awful! So I would allow it in the lead up to dinner for example, while I was cooking, and then it would be off once the meal was ready.