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2.5 year old only wants mama

10 replies

FoxInSocksOnKnoxInBox · 27/02/2023 08:58

Hi all, I know this is probably a very common problem, but I have no solutions to move forward from this. I’m a stay at home mom with 2 girls and toddler doesn’t go to nursery.

my daughter A is 2.5 years old. We had a baby girl B who is now 8 weeks old. My very independent A suddenly became super clingy, super shy, m only wants mama, and can be very mean.

at the same time Newborn B literally needs me to survive.

right now I have the luxury of my mum over to help every morning to help me get started for the day. But she will not do this much longer. It is a lot of work.

my husband works and A just does not want him at all since B was born. he is heartbroken as before B was born, he had a beautiful relationship with A. Now she just does not even want to look at him and tells him to “Go away!!!” Every time he’s in the room.

she used to be so kind, so sweet, and listen so well and suddenly turned into this cruel toddler overnight. She is also now screaming “No” and doesn’t do anything we ask her so it makes getting ready difficult. She argues about everything we need to do. She’s completely refusing the potty now so we are back in nappies. She says no to nappies, no to wearing jumped, socks, certain outfits, going out, coming home, sitting for meals, you get the picture… we are firm and consistent so we never let her get away with the No! We do eventually manage to get her to sit down for meals, to change her nappy - all with her finally agreeing and not screaming and throwing a massive tantrum over it. But it’s so tiring. And takes Soooooo long! and it takes a lot of energy to keep changing tactics (for example making her toys hold her toothbrush and brush her teeth for her works now but won’t work in a few days and we’ll have to think of something else. Before this, her toothbrush did an elaborate song and dance before brushing her teeth)

but one thing she did change since B was born is that she now lets us wash her hands without saying No! And without having a fight over

I don’t know how to progress. When my mum is not around, I don’t know how to get both babies ready to go out for our activities. A is signed up for a class every morning on the weekdays and B has to tag along.

thankful for any advice or tips or just some encouragement!

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DragonbornMum · 27/02/2023 09:21

Just to say this is totally normal! Bit of sibling jealousy that WILL END. She's just had her unlimited access to Mummy been reduced to limited access and her life has changed. You're doing the right thing by being consistent with her and not letting her regress.

Your poor husband. This is temporary. To get through it give him the newborn as much as you can so you can give the older daughter your full attention; lots of affection and reassurance. Her life has changed - she needs to know that you still love her as much as before. Eventually she will settle into her new life, and soon enough you'll find that she only wants Daddy again!

FoxInSocksOnKnoxInBox · 28/02/2023 09:05

Thank you so much for the reassurance - I was not prepared to feel so over emotional over having to share my attention with two children

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Ihavekids · 28/02/2023 09:11

Please don't believe your toddler is cruel. She's just had her life turned upside down. You need to hold your boundaries, but be firm and kind.
This was the most exhausting part of having 2 for me. Everything was hard, especially feeding the baby- the toddler just kicked off everytime. There were times I started to believe it was a mistake to have another.

It will pass, about 4 - 6m in for us. And now having 2 who get on is amazing.

You need to try to foster a good relationship for both siblings through this.

Thoroughly recommend reading 'siblings without rivalry', it got me through it and kept me focused on the important bits.

Best of luck.

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Seasonofthewitch83 · 28/02/2023 10:55

SO normal. I am in a group of around 50 women since pregnancy with July 2020 born babies and nearly all of them are being very one parent only atm. DD gets really cross if DH appears when shes upset - she gets up and pushed him out the door while shouting bye.

It will pass!

FoxInSocksOnKnoxInBox · 02/03/2023 22:44

Thank you everyone for your encouraging responses!

do you have any tips or advice on how I can manage bedtime? As that is the most stressful at the moment. Baby exclusively breastfeeds and refuses the bottle. Toddler only wants me in the room with her. Baby is more fussy in the evenings and only I can calm her. I wish I could split myself into two during bedtimes…

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FoxInSocksOnKnoxInBox · 02/03/2023 22:45

Thank you for this - I should not have said she was cruel, that was very unkind of me! But I did really worry that she was becoming mean

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bigbabycooker · 02/03/2023 22:48

No easy answer for bedtimes. I used to send my husband round the block with baby in sling at this stage after a feed up to about 12 weeks - baby wasn't mega happy going in, but the movement soon sorted the screaming and then baby had a nap and was ready to feed again in the evening before going down.

Canigothere · 02/03/2023 22:51

Sounds like she’s just being a spoiled brat. She’s used to all the attention. Don’t let her rule the roost and she will learn eventually. Otherwise you’re making her a monster by pandering.

Eatentoomanyroses · 02/03/2023 23:02

@Canigothere a spoilt brat at 2.5? Really?

NewtoHolland · 02/03/2023 23:03

With bedtime I just fed baby to sleep in elder DDS room. And got elder DD involved a bit in the routine, that helps a bit :) also occasionally just popping out for an hour with the bigger one just to the park or something while your mum or partner have baby asleep in a carrier or something. This too shall pass ♥️

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