Teen ds helping friends - mental health

[katiemnmn]

My ds (15) is called on to support his friends in various states of mental health crisis pretty often . He's a lovely all round good guy who listens well and is empathetic which is maybe why he seems to get a lot of people turning to him in crisis. I'm proud of him for these qualities and for wanting to help ofc! But. I'd also really like to help equip him for these situations he keeps finding himself in. Right now he turns to me and I help him as best I can with advice and of course check that he's ok himself but I want to get him maybe some kind of outside course or support or resources maybe?
I heard of a mental first aid course for teens but it's very £££. Does anyone have any other experience?

Hi OP, I don't have any experience of being a mental health first aider but if you are in England you could try this organisation, they could help or give some advice?

mhfaengland.org/mhfa-centre/contact-us/

Just want to say your son sounds lovely and so do you!

I was bullied throughout school, mostly about my weight but at least the Internet wasn't around as much ( we had a home pc but was shared with 3 siblings, so very restricted and no phones).

It must be so hard for kids now!

Youngminds.org.uk may have some useful resources for him and his friends

It's admirable what he is doing for his friends and I've had similar myself with my now 16 year old

However he comes first for me of course so my advice to him was yes, help your friends but don't be afraid to say that a certain issue isn't something you have experience of so why not speak to / message/ contact etc

15 year olds should'nt reply be going on mental health courses purely so they can help bolster their mates up with their mental health. He's not a counsellor so don't encourage him to be one - bar being kind and empathetic of course

I would be very cautious. Of course he wants to support his friends. But he can not be responsible for their MH or cure their problems. He can be a sympathetic ear. But he needs to be really clear that he’s a friend and not a healthcare professional.

Thanks all, I agree he doesn't want to be their counsellor and def no an alternative to professional help. He does pass on the links to Shout etc that I've given him but since he can't just ignore it's feels helpful to also help him with his own resources. I believe a large part of those mental first aid courses are about how to be a sympathetic ear and redirect to appropriate services.
Anyway thanks for taking the time to answer and share links

Yes I agree with this. I have an adult friend who has become almost like a therapist for her sister. It started out ok but now it's got to the point where she is getting middle of the night phone calls etc and it's starting to affect her (to be honest she's now becoming irritated which is not a quality you want in someone you're confiding in).

Definitely let him have a list of organisations to signpost them to if he feels it's too much.

Friendship is supposed to be a two-way thing. What does DS get from these friendships? Do they go out and have fun doing things he enjoys? Do they listen when he has a problem he wants to talk about? Or does he spend most of his time with them listening while they offload their problems?

it's great that he wants to help, but he really needs to be careful not to become the dumping ground for everyone else's problems. He shouldn't have to deal with his friends' mental health crises 'pretty often'. If it's got to the point that you think he needs a course or support to help him cope, then it's too much, imo.

Your son sounds like he's an amazing young man.

He needs to establish some boundaries which will help to protect his own mental health and wellbeing, prehaps one way to do this is for him to txt or email some links to useful sites where his friends can find the help they need themselves and by doing this he will be helping to empower his friends too.

From what your saying, your son sounds like he has great compassion which is enviable in this day and age and I guess he may have a sensitive side to his own personality and this is why he needs to protect his own mental health by not letting himself be weighed down too often with the problems of others.

There's a balance that needs to be achieved here and I am sure both yourself and your son will find it.

I agree with PP - I'd be wary of him starting to learn that his value is in the extent that he will put others first/rescue them.

He does sound lovely.